


Why did you have to let me let you in?

by Mimmi_ger



Series: Fools, Sinners, Liars [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bellatrix is a bitch, Draco and the Golden Trio, F/M, Female Harry Potter, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Lovesickness, M/M, Ron is a wimp, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, Veritaserum, Violence, crazy emotions, rose potter - Freeform, voluntary and not so voluntary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-04 20:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 46,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14601423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimmi_ger/pseuds/Mimmi_ger
Summary: The summer holidays are over and Rose and her friends return to Hogwarts.Though, despite the fact that Rose can´t await her return, she´s worried. How will it be with Snape? Will they keep up the changes in their relationship? But more urgently had Snape really tried to kiss her? And what does that mean?Rose is definitely confused and the way to clarity is a long one and leads through all kinds of new confusions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)
> 
> The song for the title is "Hurt any less" by Lauren Aquilina.

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

The journey back to Hogwarts was as unspectacular as expected. Most of the time Rose and her friends talked and Hermione read an article of the Daily Prophet aloud. It was still full of speculations what had happened with Voldemort and what the returned Death Eaters were planning next. Only in a short paragraph at the end of the article, the newspaper reported of the new ‘Anti-Death-Eater-Movement’ but didn´t elaborate their crimes. Actually it read more like a homage and glorification that finally someone took actions against Voldemort´s followers. They also stated that all raids were alone deed of the Death Eaters and the new group merely tried to stop them.

Rose became so enraged about the reporting of the Daily Prophet and how they bent the truth that the newspaper lit suddenly up and crumpled into a pile of ashes. Hermione shrieked surprised and jumped up. The whole compartment was silent while everyone gazed cautiously at Rose.

“Sorry,” she mumbled sheepishly and glanced at Hermione, but she only shrugged and sat back down, rummaging through her backpack and retrieved a book behind which she disappeared.

Not too long before the train reached Hogsmeade station, Fawkes, Dumbledore´s Phoenix, appeared in a burst of flames out of thin air and made them all jump. He carried a small scratch of parchment, neatly tied up with a silver ribbon, which he dropped into Rose´s lap before he disappeared again with a soft swoosh of his wings.

“Wow, school hasn´t begun yet and Dumbledore sends you already messages?” Ron gaped while Rose untied the parchment.

_Rose, my dear girl,_

_I need to see you as soon as possible._

_Please accompany me to my office after the feast._

_Yours sincerely,_

_A. Dumbledore_

“What does he want?” Ron asked.

“I have not the faintest idea. But I guess I will know soon.” Rose shrugged but wondered about the letter. Dumbledore had seen her only three days ago. Did something happen in the meantime?

***

Rose entered the Great Hall and smiled. Coming back to Hogwarts never failed to make her happy. Her gaze roamed through the ample hall and stopped at Draco who sat a bit lost on the Slytherin table and stared holes into the air. He didn´t look like he wanted to be engaged in any conversation but rather disappear. He also ignored an obviously oblivious and happily talking Pansy Parkinson. Rose chuckled.

The song of the Sorting Hat was in this year not as dark as in the years before, but still he told them to stand together and don´t let mistrust guide their hearts and actions. While the actual sorting proceeded, Rose peered up to the teacher´s table. Remus sat next to Professor Sprout and smiled softly as he caught Rose´s gaze, but he wasn´t the one Rose was looking for. Her gaze turned to Remus´ right side and a shiver, though a pleasant one, ran down her spine as she looked directly into Snape´s dark eyes. For a moment they only looked at each other. Even over the distance it felt like in the backyard of Grimmauld Place, shortly before Sirius had disturbed them. Rose still wondered what would´ve happened if they´d stayed alone. Had he really kissed her? And if yes, why? Her heart beat faster like everytime she thought about that day and just as Rose´s wish to go over became overwhelming, the Headmaster stood up.

“My dear students!” Dumbledore beamed around the house tables. “Welcome to all of you! A new year with such a lot to learn lies ahead. Harness your possibilities and learn!” He made a small break his eyes twinkling even more than usual.

“Like every year Mister Filch gave me a list of forbidden objects which is accessible in his office. He wishes that I express vehemently that anything from Weasleys´ Wizard Wheezes is not only forbidden to use in the castle and on the grounds, but even the possession of those objects will have dire consequences.” Dumbledore raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. He looked rather like he´d try to supress a chuckle but sobered quickly. “Besides that I am more than pleased to announce that your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is in fact an old one. Please welcome back Professor Lupin.”

The hall erupted in cheerful clapping and whistles, only the younger students looked confused why everyone was obviously so happy about that announcement.

“And now: Enjoy the feast!” Dumbledore said and sat down.

Ron was already chewing as the rest just started to fill their plates.

“Ya no whas odd?” he asked unclear through a mouthful of ham.

“Ronald Weasley, when do you learn that you speak only with an empty mouth?” Hermione waved her fork at him.

Ron gulped down. “You know what´s odd?” he repeated.

Hermione and Rose waited.

“Dumbledore hasn´t mentioned with a single word what the Prophet writes about Voldemort and the Death Eaters.”

Rose nodded. “Maybe I can ask him later.“

***

“Sit, please. Sit. Tea?” Dumbledore gestured to a chair in front of his desk.

“No sir, thank you,” Rose said with a smile and sat down on the offered chair.

“You´ll wonder why you are here, I guess?” Dumbledore took the seat behind his desk, leaning relaxed back.

“Well, yes, it crossed my mind.” Expectantly she looked over to the old man.

Dumbledore smiled at her, his blue eyes twinkled behind his half-moon spectacles.

“First of all I wanted to make sure that you´re all right. The whole events of the Ministry were hard and I´m sorry that it´s still not over.”

“It was hard but I think it´s ok now. Here in Hogwarts I feel safe and I doubt that Bellatrix and her appendages try to hunt me down here.”

“I think so too, but you still need to be careful. Do you still practice Occlumency?”

Rose was sure he knew the answer already as she said in reply, “No…I thought it wasn´t necessary anymore. After all it went not too well.”

Dumbledore sighed heavily and regarded Rose with a contemplating gaze.

“Bellatrix is not untalented, as Professor Snape can probably attest you. So please dedicate yourself again to the task.”

“Yes, but does that mean I have to take in addition to my Potions extra lessons also Occlumency lessons again?” A small amount of panic bubbled inside Rose. She really wanted to spend as much time with Snape as possible, but there was no way she´d let him rummage through her mind again. Not with the development of her feelings for him.

“I might think preparing your mind will be sufficient. Dumbledore said and then stood abruptly up. Rose watched him peruse one bookshelf and then another before he made a pleased sound and came back to his desk. He gave her a small book, bound in dark blue leather with silver writing on top. “It is not per se about Occlumency but contains helpful advice how to find a state of mindfulness and with that how to clear one’s mind. Hopefully it might help you. Though, if there are any problems or questions, don´t hesitate to ask. I´m sure Professor Snape can and will help you.”

“Yes, I guess I´ll have plenty of time throughout the week.” Rose nodded with a small smile.

Dumbledore watched her intently over his steepled fingers.

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

Rose started, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. Could he know? It wouldn´t surprise her. Not at all. But never could or would she tell him about her feelings for Snape.

“Um, no sir.” Rose shook her head and stifled a yawn, suddenly too tired to drag this conversation on.

“I´m sorry, Professor. It was a long day…”

“For sure, dear. Only one thing, there are a lot of speculations about the things I clarified for the Order already. Please don´t say anything. Read the Daily Prophet, and tell others they shall do as well, I´ve explained it there,” he winked and dismissed her to her much needed sleep.

Finally up in the girl´s dormitory Rose relaxed into her mattress as she heard a shuffle and soft pitter-patter. Her curtains were pulled back and Hermione´s face appeared.

“What was the matter?” she whispered.

“He wanted to make sure that I´m ok. I must practise Occlumency again and he told me to read the Prophet. Apparently he has written something for it what will dispel the rumours.” Rose yawned, so wide her junctions cracked. Briefly before her eyes closed, she murmured, “Would you stay?”

Hermione smiled and crawled in beside Rose. The last time her best friend was in need of this closeness was during the Triwizard Tournament. Cuddled together, the girls drifted away in calm sleep.

***

The next morning was a typical Monday morning right before the timetables were handed out: all faces sleepy and only soft murmur.

But that changed abruptly after the arrival of the post when a downright turmoil broke lose. Even Dumbledore needed a few attempts to create silence.

“Students! I know that these are big news for you and you have absolutely the right to discuss them, but PLEASE stay calm and don´t make such a noise!” His gaze wandered through the Great Hall. Eventually he sat down again, attending to his breakfast. The chatter started again but definitely calmer.

“Well Hermione…Go ahead! Read!” Ron exclaimed.

**_Voldemort is gone but not our problems_ **

_Dear wizard world,_

_I, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledor (Order of Merlin, first class, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot) have the pleasure to announce to you that the dark wizard Tom Riddle, better known under his alias Lord Voldemort, is dead._

_But questions remain. What happened in particular? What is the matter with Voldemort's followers? And who is this new group that spreads again terror amongst us?_

_First answer is: We all had a hero: Rose Potter! She sacrificed her live for the ruin of Voldemort._

_Many of you will ask now why she is still alive, then. You are right to ask that. However, the answer is complicated. But what I can tell you is that she had been marked by Voldemort during his attempt to kill her 15 years ago. You can see this mark equally to a contamination, in this case of the soul. This summer she and some of her friends fought against Voldemort and his followers. Rose´s spell, which was eventually the cause of Voldemort´s death, fell back on her and this happy coincidence "purified" her soul. That is the reason she lives, again!_

_The second answer is: About half of Voldemort's followers are captured and will be indicted for their crimes against humanity. The other half is still on the run but the Auror Department works under high pressure to change that. Especially because those Death Eaters have regrouped and resume their ideological fight in addition to the vengeance for the attacks of the earlier mentioned new group._

_What brings us to my last answer: Revenge._

_The members of this new group are no Death Eaters but they are no less fanatic. They think it is right to punish families of known Death Eaters. Punish innocent children and woman for things they haven´t done._

_Yes, whatever Voldemort and his minions have done in the past and still do is gruesome, nefarious and utterly misguided. However, it is not on us but on our executive authority to stop those actions._

_Please listen to me: vandalism, violation and torture are no means to exert justice._

_Please don´t allow such things. Stand together and let love not hate rule your lives!_

Hermione folded the newspaper and inhaled deeply.

“Strange to read about it.”

“Yeah…You think there will be something like a war? Death Eaters against Anti-Death Eaters?” Ron asked maybe a bit too excited.

“Really, Ron?” Hermione begun in a reprimanding voice but Rose lifted one hand to stop her.

“He´s right Hermione. It´s not over and we don´t know what Bellatrix and the others will do. I just hope there will be no more useless deaths. I mean, why can´t people live in peace? Why have they to kill each other for their own idealism? I died to kill Voldemort and still it's not enough to bring peace. What else can we do?”

Embarrassed silence settled between the friends while a lot of people throughout the Great Hall glanced over to Rose.

She turned to the teacher´s table as she felt a prickling sensation on her back and met Snape´s gaze. She couldn´t make out what he thought, but his eyes on her were intense and made her fidgety. Eventually she looked away but still felt his burning stare on her skin.

Only a few minutes later Professor McGonagall handed them their timetables.

“Well done you three!” She smiled approvingly. “Mr Weasley, why don´t you resume Potions? I thought your career plan was joining the Auror corps?” She quirked a brow.

“But I just have an Exceeds Expectations, Professor.” Ron´s ears got hot.

“Ah I see…Yes, normally that would be a problem. But seeing that only 4 Students have achieved an Outstanding, Professor Dumbledore decided, that also E-students should have the chance to attend Potions class. However, I guess the course will be rather empty, nonetheless. Decide as you wish, but don´t spoil your future with a rushed decision. I see you later in Transfiguration.”

When Professor McGonagall was out of earshot Ron began cursing.

“Damn! What am I to do? This is so frigging unfair. I want take Potions for becoming an Auror, but two additional years with Snape? I don´t know if I can stand this.”

Seamus patted him on the back. “I feel your pain, mate!”

Ron cast him a nasty look and with the others laughing they trooped out of the Great Hall for Charms lessons.


	2. Chapter 2

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Half past 4 in the middle of the night.

Severus grumbled irritated and crawled out of his bed.

Why on earth now? Did Bellatrix never sleep?

In a hurry and to not provoke more summoning calls, Severus dressed and left the castle. Really, he should ask Dumbledore to lift the antiapparition wards for him. It was each and every time a walk from almost fifteen minutes until he reached the gates. It might be less troublesome on his way out, but the return would prove to be difficult especially with students prying.

Still grumbling under his breath, Severus left the wards and found himself seconds later in a damp and cold room with no one in sight. Grumbling more, he left the room through the only exit and stood face to face to Bellatrix who seemingly tried to stab his eye out with her wand.

“Bellatrix,” he said coldly by way of greeting, willing his seething anger under control.

“Severus…Nice that you came so fast.” Bellatrix cooed.

“Not that I had a choice.”

“Yes…” She grinned devilish, “Pray tell, how long have I to wait for my girl?”

Severus couldn´t supress an exasperated sigh.

“I thought we already covered this. I need time to come closer to Rose. She would be suspicious when I´m suddenly nice to her.”

“Subtleties,” Bellatrix sighed. Her gaze wandered challenging over his body. “It´s lonely out here without Rodolphus.” She fluttered her eyelashes and sat down on a battered couch.

“Why am I here?” Severus asked as civil as he could muster. She hadn´t honestly woken him up for small talk?

“Do you sometimes think we should hand us in? Stop all this and dedicate us to the mercy of our judges?” Bellatrix looked up at him, no giggle on her lips or mad twinkle in her eyes. She looked tired and almost innocent. And maybe that was the most suspicious about her little play, whatever it was good for in her opinion.

Severus didn´t plan to play along.

“Are there not enough men around you who you could ask that? Do you have to call me out of my bed?”

“They´re not here, as you might´ve noticed.” Bellatrix pouted.

“And where are they?”

“I don´t know…Out…Having **fun** with some pretty youths?” Severus had no desire to know what Bellatrix or the others understood under fun, but he had an all too good association.

“Then wait for their return, I leave now!” He turned away, readying himself for apparating, as something sharp scratched his shoulder and left a sharp pain. Severus swirled around. Bellatrix stood behind him, holding a fire-poker. Her mad grin was back in place.

“Tell me honestly Severus, do you want to fuck the Potter girl? Sink deep into her tight virgin pussy?” She giggled. "She´s quite an eye candy, isn´t she?"

Severus clenched his jaw, only releasing enough tension to hiss, “You´re sick!”

“Yes, Professor, yes, harder, please, please! Professor!” Bellatrix teased him, her voice high and her eyes half closed as she stood only centimetres from him, rubbing one hand over his crotch.

Furious he slapped her hand aside, turned and disapparated into Hogsmeade. The Three Broomsticks was closed at this hour but the Hog´s Head was practically open around the clock.

Aberforth said nothing as Snape ordered two double Whiskey which he downed within seconds.

By the time his first class should have started, he sat slumped down in one corner and stared dull into the next of whatever how many glasses of Whiskey he´d already had.

Would Bellatrix know how close she´d been to the truth she would laugh herself silly.

It was the last conscious thought he had for this day.

***

For Rose the first week back in school practically flew by and before she knew how it was already Friday.

“Blimey! What will I do? I don´t know, I don´t know….Please help me!” Ron whined, plonking his forehead onto the table.

“Shut up, will you? Actually you should have decided by Wednesday already. It was just your luck that the lesson had been delayed.” Hermione couldn´t bear it anymore. “Just go and try. When we´re lucky you decide you´re not coming back and ditch it so we're released from your endless whining.”

Ron rolled his head with a keening sound away from Hermione towards Rose.

“Yes, you gigantic baby. Just like Hermione says. Give it a try.”

“Ok,” Ron said with resignation in his voice.

“Ok guys! I hope you have read the chapter about Dementors and are now able to tell me the main content.” Remus looked expectantly around the class. “Come on! More than just Hermione and Rose.”

Rose turned in her seat and shot nasty looks around the class. She taught them so much and as she observed sat in this class 7 former DA people.

Remus chuckled and sighed. “Well then Rose, go ahead.”

“Dementors are somewhat ghostlike dark creatures, who drain out peace, hope and happiness from people. When they are nearby it gets cold and you are filled with horrible thoughts. The ultimate weapon is their “kiss” with which they suck out your soul so all what stays behind is an empty shell.”

“That was pretty accurate. 10 Points for you. How can you defeat them?”

Obviously encouraged by Rose far more hands shot in the air.

“Yes, Seamus?”

“You use a Patronus that you create with the spell “Expecto Patronum”. But you have to think of something really happy if not it will not work.”

“Very good. Another 10 points.”

Remus smiled broadly and after a few more questions set them out to train the spell.

However, all DA people were immediately able to invoke a bodily Patronus and therefore helped other students.

Unbelievable proud, Rose stood aside and watched. Remus stepped up to her. “Well done! Really, really well done, dear.” Both chuckled as they watched how Hermione tried to get Malfoy to invoke a Patronus. After a while, Remus nudged Rose and winked in Draco´s direction.

“Hey! Malfoy…” Rose grinned. “You must think of something really happy. Something that makes you laugh involuntarily. That makes your heart explode of joy.” Rose closed her eyes for a brief second, picturing all her friends, her home with Sirius, the circumstance that she never ever again had to worry about Voldemort.

Strong and brightly shining her stag shot out of her wand and circled the room. The entire class went silent, even the ones who were also able to produce a form, and gawped at the appearance.

Even Malfoy looked impressed.

At the end of the lesson Draco was at least able to make some silvery dust.

“I wish that you all think about a very strong happy moment in your lives until the next time. And please read the chapter about the Patronus charm.”

The class filtered leisurely out of the room while Rose stayed behind.

“Remus?”

“Yes?”

Rose smirked.

“Had you a conversation with Sirius lately?”

“Sirius? Why?” Remus faint business with pushing books across his desk.

“Oh, come on! You drive me insane!” Rose grasped his arm and pulled until he turned around and looked at her.

“Well, unfortunately not. You know yourself that the first school week is always somewhat hectically and all. I prefer face to face conversations especially when it comes to delicate issues.” Remus gazed uncomfortable past Rose, not meeting her eyes.

“Please. We talked about it weeks ago. One of you must do the first step. I love you both and it makes me sad to see that you two are not happy, even though you could be. So, talk with Sirius. The sooner the better.”

With a last pointed look she hugged him and followed her friends to the Great Hall.

***

After lunch and some relaxing time outside in the last warm sunbeams, the friends descended into the dungeons.

“Triple lessons Potions on a Friday,” Ron muttered.

“It´s still your choice,” Rose called to his mind, raising one eyebrow.

“Yeah…yeah, I know.”

They waited outside the classroom but not long and Snape stormed in his usual ill-tempered manner past them, radiating sarcasm and spite. Rose was instantly worried. She hadn´t seen him in such a mood in weeks.

As she, Hermione and Ron were the last ones to enter the classroom there were only the first row desks not occupied. Ron recoiled. He hesitated one moment and eyed Snape warily then he mumbled some excuse to Rose and Hermione before he fled the room.

Severus acknowledged this with raising his eyebrows as high as possible before his attention returned to the whole class. “Silence!”

The room went quiet at once.

Rose looked at Severus. She hadn´t seen him this close for over a week and he looked tired. Didn´t he sleep? Was it Bellatrix who summoned him ongoing? Rose threatened to sink into her brooding, but Snape´s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“You will see that this year my NEWTs class is more visited. The Headmaster was not willing to allow a class with only 4 students, so everyone with an Exceeds Expectations are also allowed to attend. You will soon learn that NEWTs level is far more advanced than what you´re used to so far," he regarded Rose with a brief glance, "and I assure you that half of this class will NOT be here until your actual exams. Now be so kind and direct your gazes at the blackboard where you find the recipe for the Invigoration Draught as a revision. When you´re finished we talk about the further topics.” Severus clicked his tongue with a sneer and turned to his desk.

Rose was determined to prove that the extra lessons hadn´t been wasted on her and she was able to do this potion. She worked concentrated and was sure that it was rather good by the end. She was the last one to hand in her phial. And she was about to cork up the phial as she saw it, black on white, well more white chalk on black underground but however: she forgot to stew the mandrake. Angry tears welled up in her eyes and of course now Snape swept by. He looked down to her and sighed frustrated.

“Well, Potter…If blue is your interpretation of green the Potion is brilliant.” He raised an eyebrow. “It seems as you will be one of the former mentioned half of the class. Not that I´m surprised by this outcome.” Snape huffed with a caustic smile and Rose´s heart sunk. Yes, obviously, they were back to their old habits. Or his old habits. He regarded her with a last withering look and with a flick of his wand he dispersed her potion and turned back to his desk.

Hermione put comfortingly an arm around Rose.

“Next time. And by the way, you are here because Dumbledore said so. I don´t think he can chuck you out like this. And think about your extra lessons,” she whispered.

"I know. And I know he said he couldn´t change around me but it feels like nothing has changed those past..."

“Granger, Potter 5 Points from Gryffindor – each - for talking.”

Rose glanced up at Severus but he merely regarded her with a cold sneer.

Was that really the man she´d gotten to know over the last weeks? The one who´d vowed to always protect her and who seemingly had tried to kiss her? Which was the real Severus Snape? Couldn´t he make it a little easier for her?

In the following hour Snape described how the lessons would, for most of the time, go on. He would give them the topic for the following week and they had to work out the theoretical part each time for themselves, including a preparing essay which was due every Wednesday. In the Friday´s lessons they would brew according to their preparations and had afterwards to hand in a sheet of error analysis. Of course of every error, inclusive detailed description what happened and what usually should happen without mistake. Rose felt already demoralised and was sure that even with extra lessons she would go down helplessly.

At exact 16.30 Snape dismissed the class, except one.

“Potter, stay.”

Submitting to her fate, Rose waited in her seat. Severus came over and took the chair next to her. His gaze was not unfriendly anymore but he raised one eyebrow.

“Tell me, what was that today? I thought you could do it.” Was there disappointment in his voice? Rose looked miserable down on her hands and shrugged.

“I was so nervous that I forgot to stew the mandrake,” she admitted sheepishly.

Severus sighed and shook his head. They had to take control of her nerves too as it seemed. He tapped one finger under her chin to make her look up.

"Next time. Ok?"

Rose nodded but still looked as if he had rebuked her.

“Ok. Concerning your extra lessons. We'll start next week. I want you in my office every Tuesday and Thursday at 8pm. We will go through the theoretical part of this class. I want you to keep pace to the rest of the students, but I see no problem when you concentrate and work as hard as in the last weeks. On Saturdays you come at 10 down here and you will brew. Understood?”

It was ridiculous but Rose had to breathe deep in as Snape had said he wanted her in his office. She nodded fast her understanding and pulled her bag up. She was nearly out of the door as Severus spoke once again.

“Rose, don´t worry, I know you can do this.”

Rose stopped and looked back. He sat still on the student’s chair. His gaze was open and a small smile played on his lips. It made her smile too.

“To be honest, I was more worried about…well…That whatever happened over the summer is over, especially after the last time we saw each other and how you'd been today.” Oh yes and now she blushed again. Great, she thought irritated.

Snape chuckled lowly. “I can't be suddenly nice to you, can I? Your poor classmates could probably not deal with another version of me. And for your dogfather, well, he has definitely a knack for timing.” He smirked about his own joke and saw how Rose tried to not follow suit. “But I assure you nothing changed back. I enjoyed our time over summer too, you know?”

“I´m glad to hear that. Well, I guess I see you next week.” For a moment she considered asking him if he would´ve kissed her but what if he´d say no? Maybe she needn´t know it that urgently. Anyway, she felt a lot lighter as she left the class room.

Severus remained where he was and watched the open door. His thoughts drifted back to their last conversation and more urgently to the short time before this flee-bitten guardian of Rose had destroyed the moment. Though, it was probably for the best. Severus still didn´t know what had possessed him in this moment. But he knew for sure that he´d have kissed Rose and he was uncertain if he could blame the perfectness of the moment for that. He had to be cautious or these feelings he´d developed for Rose, what exact kind they ever might be, would break his neck.

Shaking his head as if to get rid of a bothersome fly, he stood up.

There was no way he would indulge in his thoughts about Rose and any possible feelings for her, not with Bellatrix lurking in the shadows.


	3. Chapter 3

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

The following Tuesday, Rose sat with Hermione in Ancient Runes, but everything she managed was doodling on her translation sheet.

“Rose,” Hermione whispered. “I am sure that this translates not in: I´ll tell him…I´ll tell him not…” She pointed on Rose´s sheet. “And this is not: Snape, Sn♥pe, Sn♥p♥….Oh Rose, honestly!”

Rose looked dreamily up, her brain still fogged with thoughts about dark eyes and slender fingers, and then she directed her gaze at her translation.

“Oh shite…” She crumpled the whole thing and sighed. She had to restart this, plus homework, plus extra lessons. Great.

She was more than relieved as the Runes class was over. She was still not sure how Hermione had coaxed her into Ancient Runes in third year. It was most of the time more than boring and she really thought about to wave goodbye, this year even more than usual. On the other hand it was a lesson where Draco also sucked and that was priceless. At least she'd thought it priceless for the last years, but especially today she was not that sure anymore. Draco looked paler than ever and somewhat haunted. But she was in no position to help him not when he not wanted her to and since their return to Hogwarts they hadn´t spoken more than about five sentences. Maybe she would just go to him sometime the next days.

***

The ‘sometime the next days’ came already 15 minutes later in their next class. Remus teamed Rose, Hermione, Ron and Draco up to practise nonverbal spells and Rose volunteered promptly to practise with Draco.

After both had stared at each other for long minutes while shouting their spells only in mind, Rose gave up.

“Merlin! It´s impossible.” She leant against the wall, rolling her head around to look at Draco.

“Maybe we´re too dumb.” Draco leant next to her, frowning irritated.

“Yeah, silly dunderheads we are.” Rose grinned as she used one of Snape´s favourite phrases.

“Oh, again on good terms?” Draco peered over to her. “Last Friday it seemed like you were back to your old grudge.”

“No, it´s fine. I think he was just disappointed that I messed the potion up again…What about you? You look unhappy.” It was not exactly softly-softly but better than beating around the bush for hours.

Draco tensed visibly but said after another glance, “Being back in Hogwarts is equally depressing like sitting at home. For some reason my friends are overly annoying. Pansy means well and she's worried, but she's just…She´s exhausting. You can´t for your dear life have a normal conversation with her without being touched and cuddled and fussed about all the time.” Draco exclaimed exasperated, gesturing vigorously with his arms.

Rose tried but lost the battle against a chuckle. Draco shot her a nasty look.

“Oh come on Draco, don´t look like you´ve taken a bite of a lemon.” Rose stopped chuckling and looked around, until now no one had noticed them, though it seemed as if Remus avoided pointedly looking in their direction. “Draco, earnestly. When you need someone to talk, come to me. I´d be glad to help you. Really!”

“You´re strange Potter!” he sneered but contradicting his words, he took her hand and squeezed it one time, his gaze grateful.

***

On their way to dinner, Hermione walked next to Rose and linked their arms.

“Had a nice chat with Draco?” She grinned.

“I told him that I´m there when he needs someone to talk.”

“Really? Wow, that´s nice.”

“Oh don´t sound that surprised!” Rose bumped her hip playfully against Hermione´s.

As they sat down, Hermione looked at Rose.

“And this morning? Maybe you should talk to Snape?” she asked cautiously in innuendo of the Ancient Runes translation.

“I don't know. I mean, no! I can´t! Besides if I tell him, what difference would it make? Except everything getting awkward?”

“Maybe it would help your heart,” Hermione said softly.

“How could it possibly help my heart when Bellatrix kills him if she one day finds out?” Rose spoke out what she feared the most about telling Snape. Hermione did not answer but regarded her with a sceptical frown.

***

At 8 o'clock Rose knocked at Snape´s office. The door opened almost immediately and there he stood, dark and mysterious. She braced herself and smiled.

“Ah, Miss Potter, finally my evening gets a meaning,” he said lightly, his eyes gleaming teasingly as he let her in.

Unsure what exactly to expect, Rose stayed in the middle of the room. The creepy jars, littering the shelves on every wall, let her shudder.

“Through the door to your left, if you please!”

She had never before noticed a door and now she knew why. A shelf with something what looked like a collection of heads and eyes was fitted to the door and let it appear as just another part of the wall. Still unsure she walked through and found herself in another world, even though the private study of Severus Snape was the exact counter-image of his office.

The walls were still crowded with shelves, but these held books over books. In one corner stood a nice carved wooden desk, overfilled with parchments and more books. Behind the desk led another door to maybe his bedroom. At this thought Rose felt an excited tingle in her stomach but tried to ignore it. Quickly she cast her gaze in another direction.

Opposite the desk was a fireplace and in front a sofa and two cosy-looking, high-backed armchairs, all in dark, brownish red leather. Above the mantelpiece sat an intriguing clock. It looked like old brass, its clockwork was visible in the centre and around it were two rings which held Roman numbers. She spotted also a gramophone and neatly piled records. What kind of music he liked, though? Rose almost started to stroll over to have a look as Snape´s voice brought her back into now and here.

“When you are finished with gawping we could maybe finally start with your lesson.”

“Eh, yes, of course.” Rose looked once again around. Should she sit at the desk or by the fire?

“Is something wrong? Not enough fans around to cheer to you?” Snape´s voice was dripping with sarcasm. Definitely not subtle today.

“No, not at all wrong. I like it better when I´m alone with you,” she said without thinking.

“Indeed?” Severus swallowed and pushed the memory of the almost kiss quickly away. Rose meanwhile realised what she had said and blushed. She blushed quite often around him lately, Severus thought and smirked. It suited her quite nicely but kept distracting his thoughts.

Rose was beyond embarrassed and in favour to hide it turned to face the nearest chair next to the gramophone.

Snape confirmed her sitting choice with a frown, it was his favourite chair, but obviously he had to find another place today.

“Well then…Have you already started with your essay for tomorrow?” he asked as he sat opposite her, crossing his legs.

“I started and read the chapter like a hundred times I think but…yeah.” Rose shrugged.

“Yes, it´s more difficult than what we covered over the summer. But you sit now in an advanced class, so it was to be assumed to become more difficult. Tell me what you don´t understand.” Severus said with an encouraging nod.

“All of it?” Rose mumbled and shrunk into her chair.

“I see…” He closed for a moment his eyes. How could he help without doing the whole work for her? “Even though we are here for extra lessons, I´m not willing to tell you exactly what you should write, in this case I could write the essay myself.”

“I know…I just read it again and then I can maybe ask more detailed…?” Rose suggested with a feeble gesture to her book.

“Good. I´m over there. I have to grade.” Severus stood up and sat down behind his desk. It was only the second week of term and there were already piles of essays on his desk. His life could be so much easier if he were just a Potions Master with a small shop somewhere in a small village and no teacher.

Both started working but soon Severus couldn´t concentrate anymore as the nowadays constant throbbing in his left arm grew into a seering pain. Whatever it was this mad woman Bellatrix tried with the Dark Mark it was dangerous. His arm felt raw and infected and the pain never ceased completely anymore. Every time he touched the location of the Mark, pain shot up right into his chest. The Mark itself was swollen and red. And then there were her calls. It felt like a Cruciatus, less forceful but still painful enough that he reflexively grabbed his arm. With every trigger it spread through his body. So that by the time he arrived wherever Bellatrix and the others were currently hiding, his whole body felt like being on fire and throbbed in scorching pain. And since school had started, Bellatrix summoned him almost daily. He hadn´t slept more than one or two hours per night. If she continued in this manner he would be ready for St. Mungo´s and probably joining the Longbottom´s by no later than the end of September. Of course Severus was aware why she demanded his presence that often. She thought that if she only tired him enough he´d be quicker fed up enough to throw caution over board and simply kidnap Rose to turn her in, so Bellatrix would leave him alone. Yeah, well, way off the mark.

***

Rose was worried as she tried for the third time to gain Snape´s attention. He sat now for a long time just behind his desk, his head buried in his hands and did nothing.

If he was asleep? She had already thought last week that he looked tired.

As he once again didn´t react as she called him, Rose walked over, though hesitantly.

“Professor?” No reaction. She tapped softly his shoulder. “Severus?”

His head shot up, his eyes widened in alarm.

“Merlin, Rose!” Severus sighed relieved as he recognised where he was and who stood in front of him. “I´m sorry!” Weary he rubbed over his face and tried to compose himself. 

“Are you ok? You don´t look well,” Rose said softly, worry darkening her green eyes.

Wordless Severus stood up, summoned a housel-elf and ordered tea before he walked over and sunk down in his favourite chair which Rose had occupied before.

Rose followed him and waited.

As the house-elf brought a moment later the tea, Snape sighed again.

“No, to be true, I´m not ok. Bellatrix wants to see me virtually every night what leaves me with almost no sleep and in addition she experiments with the Mark. My arm hurts and it gets rather worse than better with each day.” It felt surprisingly good to share these things with someone else than Dumbledore who only gave him pitiful looks and asked him in this unnerving calm manner to keep a low profile.

Rose was speechless and could only shake her head, a big lump formed in her throat. What would she give to stand up and embrace Snape now. But that was impossible, so she knotted her finger tightly together and held her hands in her lap.

“And honestly? I´m exhausted and need a couple of hour´s uninterrupted sleep.” Actually he felt as if he could sleep for at least a week straight.

“This…This damn bitch!” Rose hissed. “Does Dumbledore know?” she added less angry.

“Of course. But he can´t do anything. Not without blowing my cover and we can´t have that. Not now.” Severus reached out to take his cup. Annoyed he noted how much his hand trembled and how little he could do against it right now. He spilled tea on the floor and with a frustrated huff, he set the cup back on the table, glaring down on his hands.

“You´re shaking…” Rose observed with a frown.

Severus sighed and looked Rose in the eye. She was so worried about him. Who had thought that this would happen one day? But it was entirely his fault, he shouldn´t have let her come so close, he shouldn´t even talk about his well-being with her. Rose was just a student. But her worried gaze was like balm to his aching body and once again he surrendered to their growing intimacy.

“What do you know about curse damage?” he asked evenly, his voice shifting into lecture mode.

Rose eyed him a moment confused, not able to forge a connection, before she recited out of her mind, “When someone is repeatedly exposed to curses the effects of the curse can cause prolonged damage.”

“And what effects have the Cruciatus Curse and other congeneric curses?” Severus was sure she´d know what he aimed for.

“They cause pain?” Rose´s voice became smaller, her brow knitted in distress.

“And that means?”

“That means that with every exposure to the curse the nerves are damaged. The more often the less the nerves can repair themselves and after a while even potions can´t repair them. The first physical appearance is most commonly a tremor in the hands accompanied by constant pain.” Her voice slowly faded away and tears welled up in her eyes as she finally understood what he tried to tell her or make her understand.

“Rose, no wait. Don´t jump to conclusions,” Severus said gently. But she didn´t look at him, she only bowed her head a little deeper. More than anything else he wished to just pull her into his arms and hold her right now. He breathed in and banished this thought. He mustn´t think such things.

“Please look at me. I choose the wrong way to explain it. I´m ok. I don´t think it will become that bad. A permanent damage develops with repeated exposure to the irritant. And each day once is repeatedly but not enough so that the effects won´t cease. Besides, the more tired I am the longer it takes to recover too.”

Rose´s brows were drawn together and tears clung still to her eyelashes, but she looked at him. Watching him carefully, her gaze darted to his still trembling hands and back to his eyes.

“But if she doesn´t stop to use you as punchball and I don´t think she will until she gets what she wants…How much longer will it take to leave you with irreparable damage?”

“I don´t know.” Seeing her depressed expression, Severus was sorry that he had started the topic. But with longer exposure to Bellatrix´ care it was rather possible that he couldn´t hide the tremor for long and then it was probably better when Rose already knew about it.

They fell silent. Rose stared into her tea as if she could find an answer in it when she just looked intently enough. Severus watched her equally silent until a sharp pain rushed through his arm. He looked at the clock. Almost ten. Bellatrix was early today.

Rose noticed how Snape´s hands clawed at the armrests of his chair. He had so obviously pain that she wondered why he made no sound. On the other hand he made a sound, his jaw was so tightly clenched that his teeth gnashed against each other.

“Is it that? Is she calling you?” In Rose´s voice was much more fear audible than she wanted him to know and as he looked over she saw that he recognised it.

“Yes, it´s her. I´m sorry. I need to go. Go back to your common room.” He stood up and walked to the door, but Rose didn´t move.

“Rose! Now!” He had no time for her sentiments at the moment.

“I could wait here. What if you need help?” Rose almost pleaded to not be sent away. Under different circumstances he would probably find it sweet that she cared that much, but not now. Not when the second wave of pain crashed over him.

“GO! Immediately!” He steadied himself against the door frame.

Rose swallowed and looked terrified, but she did what he wanted and left his chambers. Out on the corridor, he rushed past her and left as fast as possible Hogwarts grounds and the anti-apparition wards.

Rose, however, was torn. She could wait in front of his office until he came back. But surely at some point someone else, most likely a teacher on night patrol, would find her. She could go to Dumbledore. But Snape already said he could do nothing. So in the end Rose did exactly what he had told her and walked up to her common room. She ignored her friends and walked further to the dormitory. She didn´t bother with undressing and just disappeared under her blanket. She felt cold. Her heart hurt. What if he wouldn´t come back this time? What if Bellatrix changed her mind and decided she didn´t need him anymore and disposed of him? Rose sobbed.

Another weight pressed her mattress down, but Rose didn´t stir. Hermione tried for a few minutes to talk to her but gave up as Rose stayed silent under her blanket. Eventually Hermione left and Rose poked her head out. She was alone again. Her gaze wandered out of the window to the stars. She thought again and again what would happen if Snape didn´t come back.

At some point she must've been fallen asleep because it was day as Rose opened her eyes again. Fortunately she wore her glasses yesterday and not the contact lenses.

With a start she sat up. It was early but not too early for breakfast. Still before someone else woke up, she jumped out of her bed and rushed down to the Great Hall.

Almost an hour later Hermione and Ron joined her.

“Hey, Rose!” Ron smiled and was already occupied with a bowl of cereals.

“What happened yesterday?” Hermione poured some tea into a cup and sipped. “You disappered so fast. Are you ok?”

“He got summoned,” Rose whispered only audible for Hermione. “He chucked me out and I´m worried…”

“First class is Potions, you will see if he´s alright or not,” Hermione said, but her gaze roamed nonetheless over the teacher´s table.

“You needn´t look. He´s not there,” Rose said with trembling voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think?  
> The part with the curse damage is something I´m not overly happy with...I wrote that some time ago and built the rest of the scene around it, but somehow it turned out not like I wanted it to... >_<


	4. Chapter 4

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Though Severus felt more than unable to teach at all, he had no other choice. Bellatrix knew certainly that he had nothing new to tell when she saw him every day, but still she was furious that it didn´t proceed the way she wished. But Merlin forbid let this be a reason she´d stop calling him.

Severus´ breakfast had been a merry mix of energizing potions and painkillers that allowed him at least to stand upright and don´t fall asleep on the spot. Maybe he should take some time off from Hogwarts and just work as a spy. At least he´d get enough sleep this way. Because, really, sleep deprivation was at the moment his biggest problem. He could easily deal with being hexed every day. However, Bellatrix took it far lighter now. Of course that didn´t mean he´d not receive one or two Cruciatus, just because she was frustrated, but apart from that she abandoned the attempt to beat him to mush, mostly. But his reserves dwindled rapidly with each night he spent awake and not only his Occlumency capability suffered from that. It was more difficult to keep a steady grip on his thoughts when he was overtired. Also his healing was slowed, showing in his trembling hands.

Severus gazed through the room and met clouded green eyes under a furrowed brow. He tried to reassure Rose and inclined his head, but she didn´t look away. He gave her a pointed look and nodded to her cauldron, but still she didn´t work.

Well…If worried or not she was a student in his class and therefore had to do as he told her.

“Miss Potter, you are not here for gawping! Ten points from Gryffindor and detention this evening at eight!”

At first hurt flickered through her eyes and then a familiar morose sparkle took over.

Oh there it was: her temper. Severus found it oddly satisfying to provoke this emotion in her. Something he hadn´t done during the holidays.

He watched as Miss Granger nudged Rose in the side and made her work and keep silent.

Rose grumbled as Snape snapped at her. She´d love to argue with him about his ambivalent behaviour towards her, but Hermione prevented it effectively, so she concentrated instead on her potion.

At the end of the lesson, she plonked her vial on Snape´s desk and stormed out of the room, missing his almost regretful gaze.

***

Rose was still angry as she knocked intentionally late on Snape´s office door.

She got no answer but couldn´t muster the courage to just go away again. That would probably grant her detentions until the end of her seventh year.

After another knock, she entered. The office was empty and only dimly lit, but the door to his study was ajar so she walked through.

She couldn´t see him there either, but suddenly the door slammed shut behind her. Rose jumped and turned to find herself face to face with an angry Severus Snape.

“I said 8 o´clock!” His voice was dangerously low what made Rose involuntarily swallow. All of her own anger evaporated in a puff.

“Maybe you forgot that you are still my student, if you care about my well-being or not! I won´t have such a behaviour like today again! Am I clear?” Not once he raised his voice above normal speaking level but it was enough to silence Rose effectively, so she just nodded.

“Fine, you may go.” Severus went past her and sat down behind his desk. He had work that had to be done and was not eager to supervise Rose now. He had said what he wanted and that was enough for today.

“You don´t mean it, do you?” Rose asked cautiously. She didn´t want to leave right now again. She could accept that she was never more to him when he just allowed her those small islands of time where she could be close to him, as close as possible in their strange relationship.

Severus looked up and pinched the bridge of his nose at seeing Rose´s almost heartbroken gaze.

“Rose…” What was it he wanted to say? Severus sighed. “Look, I´m tired, ok? And I have still a lot of work to do, ideally before Bellatrix once again seeks my company.”

“I couldn´t help you, could I? I mean I´m already here…” Rose eyes lit hopefully up.

“Oh Rose,” Snape chuckled. He watched her walk over to him and lean against his desk. “I guess Dumbledore wouldn´t approve when you correct students homework for me.”

“No maybe not…” She grinned. “But can I stay? I promise I´m quiet as a mouse.” She looked at him from under her eyelashes, worrying her bottom lip coyly with her teeth.

Severus swallowed involuntarily and closed his eyes to tear his gaze away from those lips.

“Fine, but please, be really quiet.” If he wouldn´t know it better he´d suspect Rose hexed him into submission to her will.

“Great. Ehm, can I look through your books? Or your music?”

Severus considered it a moment. He hated it when his things were not exactly like he wanted them.

“Be careful! No folded pages! No grease spots! And whatever you take you put it back from where you have it.”

“Uh, sounds a bit like an obsessive-compulsive disorder to me,” Rose mocked him lightly while she already traced her fingers over his books.

“That´s not funny, Potter! I like it tidy and organised.”

“I see that. I´m afraid, I´m a bit more unorganised.” She shrugged and pulled one book from its place.

Somewhat defeated, Severus slumped back into his chair and started reading the students homework’s.

Every now and then he glanced up only to find Rose cautiously reading through his books or flipping through his records with utmost respect. At one record she smiled and looked quickly over to him. Afterwards she hummed and made it impossible to concentrate further on these - dreadful as always – essays.

Severus put his red quill aside and watched Rose how she skimmed through on of his books, still humming.

“Elvis Presley?” he asked softly. Rose startled and looked up.

“Yes. Sirius gave me old records from my mom. Did I disturb you?”

“No, I´m done for today. Records from Lily?” He walked over to her looking down on his book in her hands.

“Yeah, and you have this one ‘Elvis best of’ too.” Rose put the book aside and showed him the record she meant.

“It was a birthday gift from me.” He needn´t look at it to know what Rose showed him.

“ **You** gave it to her?”

“We were friends back in Hogwarts, until…” Severus hesitated, his own foolishness still hurt him.

“Until you called her mudblood.” Rose´s eyes shimmered brightly as she looked up at him, but he couldn´t find even a tiny trace of loathing in it. Instead she took his hand softly into hers. “You didn´t mean it. You were just upset, but she couldn´t see it. You were both too hurt.” Rose shivered slightly and hoped Snape wouldn´t notice. His hand was so warm in hers and she marvelled her boldness to even have taken it.

Severus looked down on their joined hands before he pulled his gently out of her grasp.

“Thank you. But you should go back to your common room now.”

Rose gazed at the clock and was surprised to see that it was almost midnight. She looked back at him and her heart got heavy. His expression was so soft as he watched her. Last time she´d seen him this unguarded was in the backyard of Grimmauld Place. She wished she could just do more than take his hand.

“Ok,” she said eventually. “Good night.”

Severus watched her leave. Why of all people was it Rose Potter he found himself being fond of? And though she seemed to like him, it was out of question that such a young woman was romantically interested in one much older, bitter, sarcastic Potions Master. More likely she saw in him something like a fatherly friend, though he suspected even that was more than she really felt for him.

Sighing he went to bed. Maybe he was lucky and Bellatrix granted him one night of sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unresolved tension...

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

“Why is it you always seem to keep being right, Hermione?” Rose frowned. She, Hermione and Ron sat together in the library, the only quiet room in the whole castle as it seemed, and were writing their fingers raw with the huge amount of homework that had piled up over the week.

“She´s just too smart for her own good,” sounded a familiar sneer from behind a bookshelf before a sleek, platinum blond head came into sight.

“Malfoy!” Ron said darkly. He was still not fond of the idea that Rose and Draco stopped hating each other, quite like Rose and Snape and of course Hermione was on Rose´s side, babbling something of rough time for Draco and the Sorting Hat that had said they should all stand together, friendship above all…Merlin, certainly at some point he would find out that the girls were hexed or brainwashed...

“Come on Weasley stop glaring, or do you think I´m wrong and Hermione is not smart?” Draco smirked and sat down on their table.

“Of course she is smart! Since when you call her Hermione, anyway?”

“Since I think it´s more polite than surnames, Weasley!”

Ron grumbled something unintelligible, shoved his homework into his bag and stood up. “I´m off to bed!”

“Ron! Wait!” Rose called and followed him quickly, though not without a warning look from Madam Pince.

“What?” Ron shouted out on the corridor.

“Why are you so angry?” Rose asked, holding her hands up to placate Ron.

“I´m not. I´m tired!”

“Yeah, of course you are…Can´t you just give it a try? Draco is not as bad as he likes to appear.” Rose shrugged.

“No. I won´t give it a try. If you and Hermione feel the need to befriend this Death Eater shite…Please! Do what you want. I´m not!” He turned on his heel and stormed away.

Sighing, Rose went back to Hermione and Draco. Hermione´s worried gaze and Draco´s tense expression made clear they had heard Ron.

“He gets over it and will realise that he´s wrong.”

“Rose, I don´t care what freckle-face thinks of me,” Draco snipped haughtily.

“Yeah Draco…” She shortly raised her eyebrows before she bent over her Transfiguration essay.

Five minutes to nine Madam Pince shooed them away to lock the library for the night.

Hermione and Rose waved Draco good night and left for Gryffindor tower to look after Ron, but he was nowhere to be seen in the common room and as they asked Neville, he only said that Ron was in a bad mood and were upstairs in their dormitory.

So the two girls spent the rest of the evening in a far corner of the common room and tried to block out the sometimes tumultuous noise to concentrate on their homework.

***

Rose´s Saturday Potions lesson was sluggish to the point that she almost fell asleep as she watched the potion swirl lazily while she stirred.

“Potter!” Snape smacked the desk next to Rose. “You´re not here for sleeping.”

With a jolt Rose stood upright.

“Uh, I´m sorry…Really. I just haven't slept a lot …I´d never thought homework would be so cruel, already in the second week,” she confessed and promptly wondered how Snape, a teacher after all, would take it.

“I understand,” he said curtly and disappeared for a moment in the storage room. As he came back he carried a small bottle and a silver spoon. “Take five drops. Not more! And only with a silver spoon!”

“What is it?” Rose looked curious down at the bottle with the shimmering green liquid.

“Wideye Potion after my own recipe. It prevents you from falling asleep and boosts your energy, but used to often it is highly addictive. So, be careful. Don´t share it and don´t tell anyone I gave it to you. If necessary lie and tell you stole it.”

“Wow, that´s…Why do you do that?” Rose asked but grinned nonetheless.

“I want you to be perceptive when you take up my time.” Severus smirked briefly. “And now take it and then explain what you´re doing there.” He pointed to the cauldron.

Rose dripped 5 drops of the potion onto the spoon and swallowed it. She coughed and pulled a face. It was nasty, bitter and generally disgusting.

“Uargh, don´t worry about overdosing this, it´s nasty!” She shuddered. Severus chuckled but tapped with his wand at the cauldron.

“Yeah…well, it´s Euphoria Elixir?” Rose asked sheepishly and Severus twisted his face.

“Certainly not. That is what you were supposed to brew. But...this," he stressed and scooped some of the so called potion on a spoon and sniffed it cautiously, "this will probably liquidate your brain into a puddle after you endure some very vivid hallucinations or have a major seizure. The recipe calls for 3 leaves of white sagebrush, Rose, not," he lifted his left brow and peered once again into the cauldron, "8, I guess and also you should stir counter clockwise not clockwise. Maybe you should go and see Madam Pomfrey for a check-up of your eyes.” Severus looked at Rose with raised eyebrows.

Rose flopped down on the next chair, groaning faintly and hiding her face behind her hands. She would never brew like she wanted to, no matter how hard she tried.

“You were indeed more asleep than concentrated, hm?” Snape took the chair next to her, leaning forward and bracing himself onto his knees, fingers crossed.

“Potions and I will never be friends…” she said miserably and muffled behind her hands.

“Well, we´ll see.” Severus said encouragingly, but Rose won´t look at him. Severus contemplated what to do, but finally stood up and said in going, “Ok. Just tidy up and then you can go for today. But remember what I said about the Wideye Potion.” He disappeared in the storage room and peeked only once around the corner, watching Rose discard the ruined potion. With a low sigh he uncorked his own Wideye Potion and swallowed a double dose. This day was not even half way over and he was already exhausted.

***

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, at least until Rose came down to the Quidditch pitch.

“What the…” Rose´s mouth dropped open. There were so many students she had no plan where to begin. Already exhausted by the thought how long this would take, she placed herself in front of the crowd and frowned. Were they kidding her?

“Good morning!” she shouted but no one took notice. Irritated she clicked her tongue and turned towards the box with the Quidditch balls. For a brief moment she contemplated releasing a Bludger but could already here the tirades of McGonagall and Pomfrey and dismissed the idea, though grudgingly, to throw the Quaffel at the closest student. The receiving bloke got hit in the chest and turned with an irate expression as he recognised Rose. Gradually it went quiet.

“Good morning!” Rose started all over again and held her hands up to catch the Quaffel. “It´s charming that so many interested are here today BUT EVERYONE not belonging to Gryffindor will leave immediately as well as ALL first years!” Under a lot of snickering and dawdling a huge amount of the crowd strolled away. Annoyed Rose sent a Ventus Jinx after them to make them hurry.

She returned her attention to the rest. It was a bunch of profoundly different characters and she was more than curious to find out who would be in her new team. To be true, she already missed the Weasley twins, but what should she do?

“Ok, guys. We will start with the chasers.” Hopefully that wouldn´t take too long, but when she found them she had already half her team as it was without question that she would be Seeker again.

Rose was just about to start as she saw again students from Ravenclaw and some first years hiding behind older students.

“Oi! You there! Off the pitch!”

It took Rose nearly twenty minutes to shoo people away and every time she was busy with one group another returned. She was close to cancel the whole try-out for today as a distinctive black figure crossed the pitch.

“Five points from everyone who doesn´t belong here and isn´t gone in two seconds!” Snape snarled with narrowed eyes and accentuated his words with a gesture towards the castle.

As fast as possible the troublemakers fled the pitch. Rose bit her inner cheek to stop herself from grinning and raised instead an eyebrow.

“That was unexpected. I´m afraid I need to thank you, Professor. Are you here to spy on the Gryffindor team?” 

“Of course Potter, because I have nothing better to do!” Severus sneered arrogantly down at her and marched with furiously billowing cloak away.

All eyes were on Rose and vague whispers sounded through the remaining group, so Rose hurried to start with the selection. After finally started, it took indeed not too long to find the new chasers (Ginny Weasley, Katie Bell and Demelza Robins, her newest surprise discovery) and in a second round the beaters (Jimmy Peakes and Ritchie Coote, both not as brilliant as Fred and George, but it would do).

Rose was now for two hours and a half on the Quidditch pitch. She was tired and slowly her voice became hoarse from all the shouting. Thankfully Hermione walked over and brought her some pumpkin juice.

"Look to your left," she whispered and took the cup with her as she left the pitch for the audience stands again. Rose turned and saw Snape sitting on a stand and watching her try-outs. Well, obviously his rescue earlier was due to his decision to watch. A warm feeling spread in her guts. He came to see her...or he spied after all.

"Ok...Last thing for today. Keepers!"

Rose´s last bits of enthusiasm faded quickly. It was horrible. Why on earth had she said yes to be team-captain this year? Rose feared she had to take this stupid McLaggen-boaster, actually the one she´d hit with the Quaffel earlier.

Not that he played bad, tragically no, but his behaviour and self-display was plainly annoying. But then, miraculously and to Rose´s biggest relief, he didn't catch the last Quaffel and Ron (Thank Merlin!) caught all five. Rose was delighted as she congratulated Ron and the rest of her new team and dismissed them all.

Ron and Ginny stayed a moment behind, but Rose smiled at them and sent them off for lunch. With gleaming eyes Ron dragged his little sister with him and Rose saw how Hermione joined them half way up to the castle.

As everyone was, finally, gone, Rose heaved a sigh. She loved Quidditch, but she hated the whole bunch of things that regarded not actual playing. Longingly she glanced to her broom and toyed absentmindedly with the Snitch.

"I thought you'd never get finished." Snape stood suddenly out of nowhere behind her and made her jump. Worse, the little golden ball slipped out of her fingers and fluttered into the air. Quickly she grabbed it and stuffed it back into its confinements in the ball box.

"Merlin! Don't sneak up on people. You scared me!" Nonetheless she smiled as she looked up. "Thank you again for earlier. You rescued me!"

"My pleasure!" Severus bowed his head, smirking.

"So, not that I mind but why were you here in the first place?" Rose asked and closed the straps on the ball chest.

"I just took my Sunday walk as I heard your lovely shouting. Let me..." He lifted the ball box up and followed Rose to stow it away. “You should take something for your throat. You´re already hoarse from all this grousing and otherwise you´re muted tomorrow.” Thinking, he reached inside his cloak, “You like liquorice?”

Severus offered Rose a tin box with liquorice drops and watched her. She looked beautiful, with her windswept hair and pink cheeks. He suppressed a sigh, stuffing the sweets back into the depths of his cloak.

What kind of magic was it, that made him unable to stop thinking of her this way? Cautiously he took a step away, just to make sure.

“Thanks,” Rose said. Snape was right her voice was strained from today, maybe she should even visit Madam Pomfrey. “Well, I think I need to go…There´s still undone homework.”

“I know what you mean. I have to correct all your mental gushes after all,” Severus said lightly, a small smile stretching his lips.

“I´m so sorry for you,” Rose stated. She laughed and touched his arm.

Snape tensed at her touch, though her hand was warm, through the fabric of his cloak and sent a tingle down his arm, it was definitely too close.

Abashed Rose pulled her hand away and mumbled, “Sorry.”

“No. It´s ok. I´m just not overly used to get touched,” he confessed and wondered again why it was always so easy to share his thoughts with her. “Don´t mind,” he added and touched her arm in turn. Heavens Severus, what are you doing? he thought acidly about himself and quickly removed his hand from Rose.

“But I touched you before and it seemed ok for you." Rose frowned slightly, afraid she might´ve crossed a line not meant to be crossed.

"That was different. But this casual touching is nothing I'm accustomed with."

“So you´re not angry?”

Severus stilled, suddenly aware how unsure Rose was when being in his presence. A sudden, deep affection swept through him and he started shaking his head, doing so more vigorously with every switch of sides.

“No. Rose, Merlin no. Why should I? Heavens, how could I?” Severus lifted tentatively his hand as if to stroke her cheek but jerked it away in the very last moment, coughing slightly to breach the embarrassment.

"Well, then when you don´t mind, then you should better become accustomed. I´m a little more haptic and I can´t turn it off. I always grope people.” She shrugged and then started giggling. “Oh dear, that sounds absolutely wrong.”

Severus joined her laughter and felt more at ease than the whole day until now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm, well, more a filler chapter....

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“Damn Weasley!...Ron,” Draco shouted but had the sense to correct his slip in the address.

“Sorry, mate!” Ron answered and lowered his wand but couldn´t suppress a smirk.

“You are to sever the tentacles and not cut my arm off!” Draco looked at the blood at his hand.

“Boys, boys! What are you doing?” Professor Sprout scurried through the greenhouse towards them, waving hectically some poor Screechsnap seedlings around.

“My fault Professor,” Ron said apologetic. “Tried to cut off the tentacle of the Venomous Tentacula but caught Malfoys arm instead.”

“I said about ten times you have to pay attention and be cautious!” Professor Sprout sighed. “Please see Mister Malfoy to the infirmary Mister Weasley, Madam Pomfrey should look at this wound.”

Rose and Hermione watched the boys leave the greenhouse.

“Funny, isn´t it?” Rose asked with a grin.

“What?”

“That Ron and Draco found together over the last two weeks.”

“Don´t say it like that when Ron´s around. He will certainly get it the wrong way. But yes…Maybe it helped a lot that Draco ‘rescued’ Ron in Defence from this nasty boggart-spider,” Hermione laughed.

Remus had made the previous week a revision of different creatures and general stuff from the years one to five and so he had brought a boggart again. Ron had been frozen in terror as the giant Agromantula jumped at him. The whole class had screamed but Draco had leapt forward and finished the boggart off. He had walked over to Ron and offered him a helping hand to stand up. Ron had been pale like chalk and had shivered slightly.

“Jeez!” Ron had breathed and Draco had been just kind and grinned, “You´re welcome, Ron,” with emphasize of the name.

Somehow Ron was afterwards more inclined to accept Draco around them and hearing Draco swear vilely about Snape and his damned preparation essays made it clear for Ron: Draco was better than his reputation. From there on it got only better between them, of course with a lot of bickering and bantering and swearing and heavy use of surnames, but it was undeniable that Draco became a part of their group.

***

“Draco! You´re all right?” Rose asked as they met him and Ron in the Great Hall for dinner. Somehow it was now more rule than exception that Draco joined them on the Gryffindor table. None of the teachers had prohibited it yet – though they gained a lot of curious glances - but they assumed it was allowed anyway.

“I´m fine. But next time I prefer working with one of you instead of dickhead over here.” He nudged Ron in the side and grinned. Ron choked on his soup and blushed.

“Sorry!” Draco exclaimed, hitting Ron on the back, assuming it was his fault. Surprisingly Ron blushed even deeper and shrugged Draco´s hand with a harsh movement away.

“You know already, what you´re doing in Hogsmeade?” Rose asked seemingly casual.

“Probably like always…Honeydukes, Zonko´s, Three Broomsticks…” Ron replied, glad to change the subject, “Rubbish, that you can´t come with us…”

“Yeah…Well maybe I ask Snape tomorrow if…”

“If what, Miss Potter?” Again Severus had sneaked up on Rose and stood now only centimetres behind her. Rose jerked around, but she had to bend her head back to properly see him as she glared up to him.

“Oi, for crying out loud, don´t do this! – Professor!” she added hastily, remembering they were now in an official setting and not in his private quarters. Still heads turned towards them, but maybe just because Rose had shouted at a Professor. Snape of all people. Draco regarded her with a quizzical look but said nothing.

Severus raised an eyebrow and smirked, knowing all too well that he shouldn’t be amused by scaring Rose and actually would be better advised rebuking her for shouting at a Professor.

“So? What was it you wanted to ask me?”

“I just thought maybe I could go to Hogsmeade on Saturday and we could postpone my extra lesson?” Her glare turned into hope and the faintest smile brightened her features.

Severus considered her a moment – certainly a moment longer than he would with any other student – and he almost gave in. But just in time he got a grip on himself and a snarky smile curled his lips.

“No,” he said simply before he turned away and strode with flapping cloak away. He knew it was mean to refuse her this day off but it was no good, she needed those Saturday lessons more than the theoretical parts. Inwardly he smirked nonetheless and he could feel her death-glare on his back. As he sat down next to Minerva McGonagall he was only confirmed as he saw Rose still staring at him. For a moment he maintained eye contact and started than with his dinner as if nothing had happened.  

“He´s such a git!” Rose huffed.

“He definitely loves that,” Draco agreed. “All his enjoyment is being mean to students.”

“Damn, Malfoy! Since when do you badmouth so much about Snape?”

“Always, Ron,” he said accentuating especially the ‘R’. “You just didn´t know me until now.”

After dinner the four spent their evening until curfew again in the library, equally some kind of routine by now. 

It was just as Rose had thought before term had started, this school year would bring a lot of surprises. Not only that Snape and her relationship evolved into something really nice, also Draco became, at some point over the last four weeks, part of their clique.

Looking over the table, she watched Ron and Draco argue about Transfiguration homework and nudged Hermione with the elbow.

“Look at them,” she whispered. “There´s something going on. Every time Draco touches him Ron blushes and Draco´s eyes are practically glued to Ron.”

“If they realise that they like each other?” Hermione whispered back, hiding her grin behind her Arithmancy book.

“Certainly not…But let´s have a talk with them…separate.” Rose smirked and cocked an eyebrow. “Hey boys! It´s almost nine, we need to go!”

Surprised Ron and Draco looked over.

“Sure?” Ron asked.

“Really? How fast time runs these days,” Draco sighed.

Rose and Hermione shook their heads and stood up.

In the entrance hall, Rose hugged Draco, under some strange looks from Ron, and whispered, “I need to talk to you. Tomorrow in Runes?”

Draco looked confused but nodded before he walked away towards the dungeons.

“So!” Rose cheered and linked her arm with Ron´s. “Tell me why you always blush around Draco.”

Ron tore his arm away, coloured deep red and spluttered, “No…I don´t…Why should I…Rose!”

“Don´t be like that! It´s ok when you like him.” Rose grinned like a Cheshire cat.

“I don´t blush! I´m no girl. And just for your records, I like girls,” Ron said petulant.

Rose giggled but kept apart from that silent. Ron stormed with glowing red ears ahead.

“That was not nice.” Hermione smirked.

“No, it wasn´t, was it?”

***

Rose ducked as deep as possible behind her Runes dictionary and poked Draco with her wand.

“Hey! Stop it!” he hissed but inched closer.

“You like girls?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“You do? Or rather boys?” Rose smirked now.

“What is your point?” Draco shifted a bit uncomfortable on his chair.

“Just thought…Besides every time Ron´s around your eyes seem glued to him.”

To her utter surprise a faint pink shaded Draco´s cheeks, but he said no word, just stared at her.

“Come on Draco, it´s nothing to it to fancy blokes.” Now Hermione looked over too, paying no more attention to her translation.

“Yeah! Ok. I´m gay! Happy now?” Draco blurted. Terrified he looked around, but no one had heard him, or no one showed at least any sign of it.

“I don´t blame you! It´s just I´d never thought you´d like Ron off all people.”

“And you´re right. Most of the time I can´t stand him. He´s incredible short-tempered, says stupid things and his silly red hair is ridiculous,” Draco sniffed and looked as petulant as Ron had the last evening. “However I think he´s…hot.” The last word was practically inaudible.

“Uh...hot, huh?" Rose grinned. "Ron might have his flaws, but his heart is big and on the right place. I think you would be fairly cute together.” Out of the corner of her eye Rose saw Hermione´s brown bushy hair excitingly bob up and down as she agreed.

Draco looked unsure from one to the other.

“You really mean it?”

“Really. I give you my blessing, if you ever can convince Ron to admit that he´s gay too.”

A small smile crept over Draco´s face before it darkened.

“Then I don´t need your blessing. I don´t think I can win against his pig-head.”

“Never say never.” Rose smiled ominously, thinking that she should keep that advice in mind for herself.


	7. Chapter 7

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“Hurry up Granger! Or we'll be the last ones in Hogsmeade and all good sweets are already sold out,” Draco shouted as Hermione turned to head back to Gryffindor tower because she had forgotten to bring her scarf. Ron laughed, glanced over at Draco and blushed slightly as their eyes met. Rose cast them secret glances and smirked but then sighed.

“I want too...But nooo, I have to spend my Saturday in some gloomy, cold dungeon and cut goat liver and Flubberworms and heaven knows what else!”

Draco regarded her with a long look, pursing his lips while thinking.

“And when I talk to him? He is still my godfather after all and you are a friend of mine…recently.”

“That's sweet, but he already said no and pushing things with Snape…I don´t think it´s clever and besides I´m not especially fond of draining and boiling Stinksap just because I asked again.”

“That would definitely be something he would let you do.” Draco laughed but patted her back.

Rose sighed again, more deeply this time.

“Think of me when you´re in Honeydukes.”

As Hermione was back Rose waved her friends finally goodbye and went down to Snape´s classroom for today’s brewing lesson.

***

Severus´ night had been unpleasant. Bellatrix thought after four weeks there had to be some kind of result he could present her. He had tried to convince her that it was a brilliant idea to make Rose fall in love with him and that it would this way be even easier to bring the girl to her. But Bellatrix was impatient and everything but open to any suggestions. She´d even suggested drugging Rose. For what else was Severus a Potions Master? Of course he had tried to explain that he couldn´t simply drug Rose and carry her right under Dumbledore´s nose out of the castle. But Bellatrix wouldn´t hear anything of it.

She´d gotten highly frustrated during their conversation which even almost turned into a shouting match until Lucius had tried to calm them down. With not much success. Though finally Severus had gotten the short end of the stick and Bellatrix had let the steam off on him. The first time in six weeks and so it was already morning as he stumbled back into Hogwarts. He was unspeakable glad that he met no student, even more so as he literally more crawled along the last corridor to his chambers than he walked the way.

Severus didn´t bother with changing his clothes. He rummaged with trembling hands through his potions cupboard, swallowed the content of two vials, considered his options and took a third vial with him before he collapsed onto the sofa.

Groaning and with a weary gaze, he looked at the clock: 9.30.

Just five minutes. He would close his eyes just for five minutes before he´d get up again, change and meet Rose.

***

Tapping nervously with her food on the floor, Rose looked again on her wristwatch.

Snape was never late. He hated being late. So, either something kept him away or something happened. A disquieting knot settled into her stomach as she thought about Bellatrix. Hurriedly Rose strode through the dungeons and was already about to burst into Snape´s office as she remembered at least a little behaviour.

She listened for voices before she knocked but heard none. After her first timid knock, she gained no answer and so knocked again, but only the third one elicited some – possibly approving – noise.

Rose walked with pounding heart in and stopped abruptly as seeing Snape, blinking groggily and definitely after a rough night, on the sofa.

He pushed himself in an upright position, wincing. Tired he rubbed over his face and through his hair.

“I´m sorry. It wasn´t my intention to sleep,” he rasped hoarsely and tried to clear his throat.

“I thought she wouldn´t be so rough anymore,” Rose said softly and inhaled shakily. Though he seemed well enough at the moment, Rose noticed the traitorous tremble in his hands and his stiff posture. It made her cringe inwardly.

“Yes…I´m just tired.” Severus groaned as he moved his sore muscles. More than anything else, he needed a long hot bath or at least a shower and a strong tea…Maybe even a coffee. He blinked still dizzily around while his sleep deprived brain tried to properly process what happened.

“Would you mind to wait here a moment? I need to burn these clothes.” A half-smile indicated his joke as he pointed down his body. Rose managed not even a smile, but nodded while watching him worried.

“No, of course not. Can I do anything for you? You like tea or something else? Breakfast?”

A warm affectionate feeling rushed through Severus and a real smile bloomed on his face.

“If you don´t mind…Tea sounds fabulous.”

“I don´t suggest things I don´t mean. Just show me.” Rose made a gesture to go ahead and followed him as he did.

The door behind his desk led to a small hall that held an even smaller kitchen unit, just big enough to make tea or maybe a sandwich.

Severus showed Rose where he kept cups, kettle and tea and disappeared briefly into the room to the left. With an arm full of new clothes, he retreated into his bathroom.

Rose busied herself with preparing the tea but couldn´t ban the thought that Snape was most likely naked right now and it was even harder as she heard the rush of water. Quickly she took the tea pot and two cups and went back to the study where she sat well-behaved in one armchair and waited.

***

Like he had predicted the hot water did him good and the tension in his body ceased gradually but knowing that Rose was just outside the door made him hurry up. He could practically see Minerva´s shocked face if she would know that he showered while a student was in his private chambers only a door away.

As he looked down on his clothes he decided that he had not the nerve to wrap himself into all these layers, so he donned only his trousers and a white shirt, though he had to admit that he felt slightly underdressed, almost naked. Frowning irritated about himself, Severus stopped briefly in his kitchenette for a coffee and walked then over to Rose.

She sat with crossed legs in one chair and read a book he didn´t recognise. She was so absorbed into the plot that she not even stirred as he stood already for some moments next to her. Slowly Severus crouched down and looked over the armrest. He could now see the spine of the book: Jane Austin, “Pride & Prejudice”.

How fitting considering their rocky past.

Until now, Rose hadn´t noticed Severus. Hesitating, he laid one hand on the elbow she had propped on the armrest.

Rose´s head flew around, she made a tiny squeaking noise of surprise and then she slapped him, not too gently, on the arm.

“Jeez! One day you´ll kill me with your bloody sneaking up!” Rose yelled but clapped one hand over her mouth as Snape flinched in pain. "Oh my god I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." She laid her hand gingerly on the place she had slapped and continued to apologise.

"Rose stop. Stop it already!" How should she know that his left arm felt like being on fire with the skin already peeled off? Gently he took her hand from his arm and held it in his. Time and again he was stunned how small her hands were, how fragile the whole girl seemed to be. He was tempted to kiss the smooth skin of her palm, press his face against it and stay like this forever. Though this thought made him finally move. He stood up and let go of her hand before he sat down in his armchair.

Rose worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched Snape concerned.

"Oh really Miss Potter! Assaulting a teacher? I should take points for that." Snape's voice was void of emotions and his face unreadable. Rose felt her heart sink. Whatever their relationship was like now, with her unconsidered action she went definitely too far. Snape was still her teacher after all and not a classmate like Ron or Draco. Damn what had she thought?

"I'm sorry, sir. I haven't thought." She inverted her gaze to her hands in her lap, ashamed.

Severus watched her and his heart swelled with emotions. Oh Merlin, he should distance himself before he did something foolish. But didn´t he already act foolishly around the girl? What had happened to his so hard cultivated attitude, how Rose had named it so nicely.

“Rose, it´s ok. I´m not angry and you´re right I really should stop scaring you.” Against better knowledge he stood up and crouched again beside her. “I don´t know how it happened but you´re getting more and more important to me. I don´t mind when you act intimate around me, as long as you´re able to keep your distance in the daily school business.” It was more than a bit terrifying how fast his feelings for Rose had changed. Only three month ago he'd still pretended effectively to dislike her dearly and now? Well, obviously he became soft when it came to Rose.

Rose couldn´t think straight so she kept looking down on her hands until long, potion stained fingers lifted her chin so she had to look up.

“Look at me.” Severus waited until her shiny green eyes met his. “Please trust me that I tell you the truth.”

“I don´t know what I shall think. It confuses me.” Rose frowned worried. She was unsure if she could stand Snape being even friendlier than he already was when they were alone. She was actually lovesick enough but then…Rose searched his eyes for any kind of emotion that could be more than simply liking her but found only concern and confusion.

“Me too. I don´t let people come close to me, usually. But you somehow sneaked your way past my defences and I have to admit that I trust you. If I wouldn´t, I wouldn´t tell you how I feel or let you help me, when I´m not well after a night with Bellatrix.” Severus just realised how much he wanted her to trust him the same way. And worse, how much he wished to be even closer to her. Why had it become so difficult to erect a protective wall around his emotions? He couldn´t, he mustn´t, get more intimate with Rose. He´d bring them both into danger. And still he couldn´t help it. He already liked Rose more than only a student. He felt relaxed in her presence. She calmed him in a way he denied himself to understand.

Rose turned in the chair so she faced Snape completely. Did he really trust her? Could he really mean what he said? Her heartbeat quickened. She realised for the first time how much she wished he could somehow feel the same for her as she felt for him. His gaze was open and expectant. His eyes mesmerising: So dark but not cold. If you looked close enough there was a storm of emotions in those black orbs and she knew she could sit and stare into them forever.

It was as if her hand acted on its own will as she reached out and touched his cheek, tentatively, gently.

“I trust you,” she whispered and found it sounded a lot like certain other three words but maybe that was after all the true meaning. It would be so simple to just lean forward and kiss him. He was already so close and she longed for this contact, more than anything else at the moment.

Maybe Snape sensed her thoughts or maybe it was all too clearly written over her face, but he leant back and stood up. Rose´s hand slid from his face over his chest before he got hold of it.

“You asked me recently what Bellatrix does when she summons me. Do you still want to know?” Severus asked quietly.

Rose swallowed. The change in the topic was rather abrupt.

“Only when you want to share it.”

“I need to tell you anyway, to make sure that you understand why you have to be careful.”

“Ok.” Rose looked uncertain up.

“I can show you, but you need to trust me.”

“I said that I do trust you.” Rose locked her eyes with Severus´, gazing determined at him. Severus stared back and after a moment nodded.

“I use Legilimency to guide you into my mind. It will be like watching a memory in the Pensive. Relax and hold my hand, contact makes it easier.” Severus pulled Rose up and led her over to the sofa where they sat beside each other. Rose shifted nervously.

“I won´t intrude your mind, you will feel the difference.” Reassuringly he stroked with his thumb over her hand.

“Legilimens,” Severus whispered.

Rose stared into Snape´s eyes and then she felt him in her mind but he'd been right, it was different than his violent intrusion from last school year. It was more like he only touched her mind, as to greet her. She concentrated on his signature and followed him back into his mind, what went surprisingly smooth.

At first there was only blackness and a suffocating feeling but after a moment everything got lighter and single shapes came into view. Getting sharper until:

_Rose saw a shabby room full of Death Eaters. They all looked weary and haggard. Bellatrix was the only one who grinned and was obviously happy as she examined Snape´s arm. The Dark Mark stood horridly out from his pale skin. Bellatrix looked pleased with it but then her expression changed._

_“When Snape? I want results!” Bellatrix´ eyes blazed._

_“I told you, I won´t achieve anything with your method. Let me work and don´t summon me every day!” Snape snarled icy. Bellatrix sized him up weighing his words._

_“But I like your company so much, old friend!” Her voice was a mocking singsong._

_Rose could see how Snape shook his head._

_“Bring me the girl and I release you! You´re a Potions Master, aren´t you? Go make a potion, make her submissive and bring her to me, finally.”_

_“I can´t just drug her, throw her over my shoulder and stroll out of the castle.” Snape gritted his teeth._

_“But that sounds incredibly like a plan,” Bellatrix giggled. “Halloween…That´s your **dead** line,” she stressed the last word, implying more than Rose wanted to know._

_Snape said nothing but waited._

_Smiling Bellatrix came closer. She pressed her body into him, reached one hand up and stroked over his cheek while the other one caressed his neck. Her smile became a grin as she saw for the blink of an eye his confusion before he composed his expression. Bellatrix stood up onto her toes, her lips ghosted over his lips and his cheek before they touched his ear as she whispered almost tender, “Crucio”._

_The last thing Rose saw was Snape collapsing to the ground and screaming in agony._

Severus broke the connection and leant back. Rose had tears in her eyes.

“She´s hideous,” she whispered with trembling voice his pained scream still sounded in her head.

“Yes she is. And she is determined to get you. Promise me you won´t do something stupid, what means brave in your understanding. Please Rose, promise me that.”

How could she ever say anything else than yes when he looked so pleadingly? Oh Merlin, she had to tell him how she felt.

“S…” Oh gods, she couldn´t do it, could she?

“Severus, I want…”

“No, Rose, please! Don´t bring you in danger. Dumbledore will come up with a plan and as long as it takes I´ll bear the consequences.”

Tears fell from under Rose´s lashes as she looked down onto their still joined hands.

“I promise you, but I need to…”

“No,” he shushed her, “We stop here and close the issue for now.”

Rose´s courage to tell him faltered. Anyway, Snape spoke again.

“I think we should use our time to brew something…What is actually the main reason you´re here, no?”

Rose nodded and swallowed her tears. She was unsure if she ever again would find the courage to voice her feelings. Steeling herself against the unexpected pain of this thought, she sniffed a last time and managed a wan smile.

“Yes, but nothing disgusting.”

“Ah, Miss Potter is fussy today.” Snape clicked his tongue but chuckled. “Come on then towards the Potions classroom.” He walked over to the door and waited for Rose.

The way wasn´t that long but as they reached their destination, Snape winced and leant briefly against the door to gulp the content of a vial he´d pulled out of his robes.

“You´re not well. When was it again you were back?” Rose asked and noted only now that he had thrown his robes over his, apart from that, casual outfit.

“Not long after nine.”

“You should better sleep.”

“You should better do what I say and start brewing,” Snape huffed and waved his wand to the board. “There you go. Babbling Beverage.”


	8. Chapter 8

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“Albus, I tell you, she´s planning something. It´s only two weeks until Halloween, she wants results.”

“Then give her some.” Dumbledore turned from looking out of the window and fixed his gaze on Severus. Deliberately slow, he sat down behind his desk and put his fingertips together.

“Fine. And what do you think I should do?” Severus was exhausted and this old madman just took it all for granted. Well, no that was probably unfair, but it didn´t change that Severus was done with this farce. All he wanted was a quiet life and not risking the same over and over again until the great Albus Dumbledore was finally ready to pull the rabbit out of the hat and win this damned war.

“Severus, my boy, I understand that it is not easy and you have my greatest respect for all what you endure for our side. Couldn´t you feed Bellatrix with a false memory? Just to delay her a little bit longer?” Dumbledore peered over his fingers, gauging Severus´ reaction carefully.

“And what shall I show her? How much Rose likes me? Or like I fuck her, as Bellatrix suggested so nicely?” Angry Severus paced through the room what made Fawkes rustle occasionally with his feathers and watch him accusingly. Snape shot the silly bird a caustic glare.

“But Rose likes you. I´m glad you two overcame your hateful feelings and it seems that your relationship changes quite beautifully. So why not? Show Bellatrix, that the girl likes you, that she trusts you. For the other suggestion, I believe you don´t want to think about something like that just to show it to Bellatrix…?” Dumbledore looked expectantly over his spectacles but in neither way contemptuous or accusing.

Severus stopped in his tracks and inhaled deeply before he turned and faced Dumbledore deflated, holding his hands up in a questioning gesture.

“Of course not. She´s my student.” Needless to say that he promptly thought about two weeks ago, how he´d tried to resist kissing the soft skin of her hand. Severus shook his head, he shouldn´t think about this. Generally not and especially not in front of Dumbledore, his mentor, not to mention a man that was more than fond of Rose and her well-being and possessed the eerie talent to sense your thoughts, no matter how private.

“She won´t be in danger, will she?” Severus asked concerned as Albus still only looked at him.

“I do all that I can to prevent it, but we both know Rose. She attracts danger and problems magically and feels the urge to rush into action to rescue those she loves.” Dumbledore smiled in an apologetic way and lifted his hands in a half-shrug.

Severus closed his eyes for a moment to keep from rolling them. The best way to keep Rose out of danger was probably to chain her on a wall. Best in his chambers so he could have an eye on her. What Dumbledore would say if he´d suggest it?

“She promised me, to stay safe.”

“Oh, she did? That is good to hear.” Dumbledore´s smile grew and he looked overly pleased. “You still see her thrice a week?”

Severus blinked once. As if the Headmaster wouldn´t know…

“Yes, I do. She makes progress. I´m pleased.” Severus waved his hand dismissively. Rose´s progress in Potions was really the last thing concerning him at the moment.

“Alone to hear this from you now was worth your fury as I asked you to teach her.” Dumbledore did this annoying twinkling thing with his eyes and looked rather smug.

“You asked me? I was under the impression you demanded that I teach her, virtually forced me into it.” Severus had finally seated himself in front of Dumbledore´s desk and raised an eyebrow.

“Forgive an old man, but it turned out quite fitting, didn´t it?” If possible the smile on Albus´ face became even smugger.

“Obviously you knew again more than I myself how my feelings…How the relationship to Rose would turn out.” Inwardly Severus cringed at his slip but refrained from hoping that Albus hadn´t noticed it, especially at seeing Dumbledore smiling broadly and his eyes glittering amused.

“You two can help each other in more than one way.”

“What shall that mean?” Oh Albus, what did he concoct this time? A bad feeling settled into Severus´ stomach.

“Oh…We´ll just see.” Dumbledore stood up and waved Severus goodbye as he turned again to the window, watching the flock of Thestrals fly circles over the forbidden forest.

***

Draco, Hermione and Rose watched more than disgusted as Lavender Brown attached herself like a squid to Ron´s mouth.

Rose was the first who turned away. Draco stood next to her with clenched jaw, his facial muscles working furiously.

“Come, let´s go.” She took his hand and left, followed by Hermione, the library.

Actually they had planned on working but as they had entered the library and Ron had seen them he had practically lunched himself at a giggling Lavender and had started snogging her, obviously exactly what Lavender had dreamed of, considering her enthusiasm.

Rose led the way up to the seventh floor and the Room of Requirement. As they entered it, it was a cosy room with a crackling fireplace and big, soft and cuddly armchairs. Having a sudden idea she asked, “Dobby?”

The house-elf plopped into view.

“Oh! Miss Rose! What can Dobby do for you?” The elf beamed around. “And Miss Hermione and…” His small face faltered.

“It´s ok, Dobby, Draco is a friend.”

Draco and Dobby stared at each other in utter disbelieve until Rose nudged Draco in the side.

“Yeah…Eh, nice to see you Dobby.”

“Master Draco,” the elf said a lot cooler before he grinned at Rose again.

“Dobby, you think you could bring us some hot chocolate?”

“Of course, Dobby can do this. Dobby does all Rose Potter asks of him.” With another plop he vanished.

“You can call a house-elf to your service here in Hogwarts?” Draco asked astonished.

“No, usually not, but Dobby is an exception and it´s great, isn't it?” Rose asked with a broad grin.

Wrapped in soft blankets and slouching before the fire, they enjoyed a little later their hot chocolate.

“Draco?” Rose asked.

“Hm?” Draco turned his head in her direction but didn´t bother with opening his eyes.

“Are you jealous? Because of Lavender?”

“Rose!” Hermione hissed. Draco´s eyes flew open and he stared a moment at Rose.

“No…She´s right…Yeah, apparently I am jealous. But he did it on purpose!” Draco gritted his teeth.

“Yes, he did. But I think he´s afraid. He´s not on terms with his sexuality,” Hermione tried to explain and leant forward to take Draco´s hand. “Ron needs time. Emotions are not his territory.”

“So, you think he will notice that he´s gay?” Draco asked with a huge amount of disbelief.

“Eventually…” Rose grinned lopsided. “Be patient.”

A moment in absolute but companionable silence passed.

“Rose? I need to ask you something.” Draco straightened a bit in his armchair.

Rose nodded for him to go ahead.

“You and Severus…How close are you?”

“Why?” Panic spread suddenly in her guts, had someone guessed it right? Did Draco know?

“You seem to care a lot about him, you notice when he feels unwell even if no one else notices any change and he´s rather nice to you. Even the others in Potions have said that he behaves different around you. And he didn´t even call you to order as you shouted at him in the Great Hall.” Draco shrugged.

“Is it that obvious?” Rose asked sheepishly.

“He treats you like another Slytherin…We all know he favours his own house, really an open secret. But you and him…you hated each other forever and now suddenly he stops being his usual asshole-self. There are whispers that you two…” Draco stopped and looked embarrassed away.

“That we what?” Rose leant forward, suspecting where this was going.

“You spend a lot of time together…”

“Are you implying that other students think we are together?” she asked incredulous, hoping against hope Draco would say no.

“Well. That is what the other´s think…Are you?” Draco had expected Rose to jump up and rant and shout, but she just slumped into her chair, sighed and covered her eyes with one hand.

“Great,” she mumbled. “Exactly what I need right now. Did you know about this?” she asked Hermione.

“No…I mean…I heard Anthony and Ernie whisper about it, but…” Hermione dipped sheepishly her head.

“I wish it were true.” Rose sobbed suddenly, hiding behind the blanket.

Hermione stood up and sat on Rose´s armrest.

“Rose…” For more she found no words so she just stroked her best friends´ trembling back.

Draco watched the scene with open mouth. Hermione glanced at him and shook her head.

It took Rose a few minutes to re-emerge from under the blanket and a few more to stop crying.

“Merlin, what you must think of me…” she sniffed and looked at Draco.

“Actually only that something bothers you terribly. Will you tell me?”

Unsure Rose looked at Hermione, but she just shrugged, “You can as well tell him the rest.”

Rose hugged her knees before she gazed into the flames.

“I don´t know why but Severus and I…He was so different over the summer, we started to talk after lessons and it was really nice. It was all slow but we changed. And then I was at his home for brewing exercise and your dad came and Severus left with him.” At the mention of his father Draco´s expression darkened, but he didn´t interrupt Rose. “I waited for hours, but Severus didn´t come back. I wrote home, that I´d stay overnight because we were not finished with an experiment.”

“You lied for him?” Draco was stunned.

“Had I told them that I wait for Severus because I´m worried, Sirius would´ve collected me personally…It was late as he finally came back and…It was horrible. He had no voice from all the screaming, his clothes were torn and everywhere was blood. I helped him. Cleaned him and gave him the potions he showed me. The next day we talked and he told me, that he always protected me. That he would do anything to keep me safe because he'd started to care for me." Rose swallowed and paused.

“Are you in love with him?” Draco´s voice was soft and sympathetic and Rose´s eyes were again full of tears as she nodded.

“And I can´t tell him. Anyway, he would never return my feelings.” Rose sniffled.

“Hm…” Draco inclined his head, his gaze was thoughtful. “I know Severus my whole life. He usually doesn´t show his feelings to everyone and you seem rather close to him. Maybe it´s not that absurd to assume he could fall in love with you too.”

“I don´t know what I shall think. Most of the time when we´re alone he´s like, I don´t know, he acts like Remus or Sirius, some kind of fatherly figure only a little more distanced. But then on the other hand I think he was about to kiss me,” Rose contemplated quietly.

“Kiss you?” Both Draco and Hermione asked at the same moment.

Rose´s cheeks coloured slightly.

“After the Order meeting. We´ve been in the backyard and…He was so close, but then Sirius stormed out, yelling and Severus fled inside.”

“By Merlin´s beard, Rose. Do you really doubt that he has feelings for you?” Draco laughed nervously. Could it be that his godfather was already in love with Rose too, but didn´t tell her, for whatever reasons?

“I don´t doubt he has feelings. I only think he has no feelings matching mine. Draco, promise me you won´t speak with him about me or his feelings he might have or might not have!” Rose demanded with a gravely expression. The last thing she needed right now was Draco blabbing about her crush.

Draco lifted his hands placatingly.

“Yes, yes. Don´t eat me. I do nothing.”

Hermione sat silent between Rose and Draco and watched their conversation. She shared Draco´s opinion. Around Rose their usually nasty, ill-tempered Potions Master softened and lost something of his acidness. But mostly it was the way he looked at Rose when he felt unobserved.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already tagged it, but now it´s happening...some Draco/Harry (ah well Draco/Rose). Please don´t hate me for it. It happened and I´m afraid it will happen for a while ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

The week proceeded after Rose´s little breakdown and chat with Draco and Rose felt somehow depressed. What if Draco was right and Severus had feelings for her but just didn´t tell her?

“Hey? Why are you so quite?” Hermione nudged her in the side during lunch on Friday.

“You know why…” Rose glanced sideways to the teacher´s table. Every time she saw Severus, the beating of her heart became painful and seeing him so often outside the regular lessons made it not easier.

“Even if Draco´s right and he has feelings for you too, he couldn´t tell you. Or I can at least understand why he won´t tell you. He´s your teacher, Rose. Just think what McGonagall would say, or Dumbledore.” Hermione made a face.

“Yeah, yeah stop it already! I got it!” She glanced around and met Ron´s curious eyes. He sat between Lavender and Parvati, seemingly highly pleased. But he glanced nonetheless every now and then to the Slytherin table where Draco sat again.

With Rose´s generally gloomy mood and after her conversation during lunch, Potions was a miserable matter for her. She couldn´t concentrate on what she was doing and she knew that Snape watched her, what made it only worse. Hermione tried a few times to correct mistakes, but it was pointless.

At the end of the lesson, Severus peered into Rose´s cauldron. He sighed and glanced at her then looked again into the cauldron, frowning, but had the goodness not to comment on her slimy, grey, disaster and just dispersed it. Nonetheless the pointed look he gave her before he went on said clearly: We´ll discuss this later.

So it was definitely no surprise as he held her back after the lesson.

“Miss Potter, stay.”

Rose sighed and turned back to the front of the class.

“What was that today?” Severus asked and sat on the edge of a desk levelling his eyes this way with Rose´s.

“I don´t know. It´s hard to concentrate this week.”

He nodded slowly, though he had no idea what was different this week. As far as he knew nothing had changed.

“Are you worried? Because of Bellatrix? I know Halloween is around the corner…”

Rose tried to hide her surprise.

“Yeah…this too…” she said evasively.

“Hmmm…” Severus watched Rose more closely. She looked unhappy. Did something happen she didn't tell him? Certainly, they were no friends, after all. He shouldn't assume she poured her heart out to him. “Tomorrow we will meet in my study. You can just as well brew there I spend enough hours here in this room.”

“Ok,” Rose answered without really looking up.  

Severus waited but as nothing else came he said, “You can go. I´ll see you tomorrow.”

Rose left the classroom and walked with Hermione up into the common room, brooding about the disaster of her feelings. She was not even completely through the portrait holw as she felt someone pull her inside and found herself wrapped into Ron´s arms. Again.

Ron tried obviously to set a new record. Every day one could see him snogging somewhere in the corridors and every day it was another girl, or at least every second day.

“Ron! Stop it! I won´t kiss you!” Rose shouted. “I told you Tuesday and Wednesday. I told you yesterday and I tell you now: I will not kiss you!” She shoved him away and sent him stumbling into a chair. Rose took a calming breath and sat next to him. This was the last thing she needed to deal with right now.

“Do you really think you feel better when you´ve kissed every girl in Hogwarts? You said it didn´t feel right with Lavender. You told us the same about Parvati and Padma, Hannah, Susann and every other girl over the last week. Every time it´s the same. Have you ever considered that it doesn´t feel right because they are girls?” Rose was really not in the mood to discuss this endlessly. 

“Maybe I´m just picky,” Ron pouted and glanced over Rose´s shoulder to a group of seventh year girls amongst them Katie Bell.

“Think what you want, but eventually you have to deal with the true reason. And Ron, if you ever again try to kiss me, I´ll not only shove you away, am I clear?”

Ron nodded ruefully but then stood up and walked over to the girls group, grinning rakishly.

“You think he got the message?” Hermione asked from behind Rose.

“No…” Rose watched how Ron took the hand of one of Katie´s friends and disappeared out of sight with her. She had really no idea how he made it. Every girl knew about his snogging record, but obviously they didn´t mind. Or they wanted to find out why this unremarkable young man suddenly changed into a Casanova.  

A tapping noise and then an angry hoot from the window made half of the common room look up and stirred Rose out of her thoughts. As the window was open a white owl fluttered in and landed on Rose´s shoulder, followed by a tiny mud-brown owl, obviously the reason why Hedwig was so annoyed. The small owl had certain traits Ron´s little Pigwidgeon had too. Rose patted soothingly over Hedwig´s feathers while the other owl fluttered excitedly around her head, chirping madly.

Hedwig´s letter was only a small note from Draco to meet him before dinner and Hedwig left grumpily as soon as Rose at taken it, but the second letter came from Sirius.

_Rose, my darling,_

_At first sorry for this small monster, but I couldn´t get another owl._

_How are you? I guess you´re busy. I remember my sixth year still very vividly, loads of homework and no time for fun (though of course we had still enough of that)._

_How are your lessons with old Snivellus? Are you still on good terms? Sorry but I still can´t understand your change of mind though I hope it´s still ok, so you have not another thing to worry about. If he victimises you never hesitate to tell me, I will see to it then._

_But why I write you actually…You asked me to speak with Remus, remember?_

_Well, I did. He flooed yesterday evening over to Grimmauld Place._

_How was he today?_

Rose looked up with furrowed eyebrows. Hermione, who had read along looked equally puzzled.

“He seemed a bit quieter than usual, no?” Hermione asked.

Rose looked back down on the letter.

_Maybe you already guessed that it went not that good._

_I told him, that I have feelings for him, for many years now and my heart sung with joy as he said he feels the same. But then he said, that he won´t give it a try. That our friendship means so much more to him and a romantic relationship could never replace it._

_Damn! Rose, he´s so afraid to be happy, that he won´t give me the chance to show him how it can be. What am I to do? I know I can´t push him. But with our confession our friendship already shifted, we can´t act anymore like nothing happened, or at least I can´t, I´m sure Remus just pretends our conversation never took place._

_I´m sorry to burden you with such whining, but actually I don´t know whom else I could tell._

_I hope you´re happier than me right now!_

_Love,_

_Sirius_

Rose crumpled the letter in one hand and jumped up.

“We´ll meet at dinner!” she said and hurried out of the room. She rushed through the castle and knocked shortly later, quite breathless, on Remus´ office door.

“What do you think you´re doing?” she yelled as she barged in and waved the letter through the air just to stop and blush. “Professor McGonagall…I´m sorry…I…”

“Miss Potter, are you now regularly shouting at your teachers?” Professor McGonagall asked sternly, her lips puckering into a disapproving pout.

“No, I´m...I´ll just leave…”

“Rose, wait! I know why you´re here. I expected Sirius would tell you. Maybe you´re too young to understand this, but there are more important things in life than a relationship. Friendship for example. And I won´t threaten this friendship in favour for something so unstable and unpredictable as a relationship.” Remus looked tired and sad. Professor McGonagall just shook her head, seemingly she knew what they were talking about.

“Oh Remus. You´re an idiot! Your friendship is already threatened. Sirius loves you and you love him for Merlin´s sake. You can´t just think that it stays just as it was before. If you don´t do something, you lose both, your best friend and the man who loves you,” Rose ranted exasperated but Remus wouldn´t meet her eyes and look instead pointedly on the wall behind her.

“Remus, I´m afraid I agree with Miss Potter. Just allow yourself to be happy.” Professor McGonagall stood up and pushed Rose out of the room as she left as well.

“We better let him think about it for a while.” She gave Rose a small smile and walked away.

Deep in thoughts, Rose walked down to the entrance hall and waited there for Draco who gladly arrived only ten minutes later.

“Hey, Drake, you send me letters with my own owl?” She grinned but the smile faded as she saw his expression. “Is something wrong?”

“I don´t know…” Draco turned on his heels and walked away. Rose hurried to follow him.

“Are you angry?”

No answer.

“Have I done something?”

No answer.

“Is it because of Ron?”

Still no answer, but Draco opened a classroom and locked the door behind Rose then he came closer.

“Would you kiss me?”

Rose opened her mouth and gaped at the young man in front of her.

“Yeah, ok…I understand….You love someone else and kissing me is anyway the last thing you would ever consider to do.” Draco muttered and turned towards the door again.

“No, no, wait…I just don´t understand why. I thought you said you were gay,” Rose blurted, feeling already her face heat up.

“I am…As sure as I can be as I never kissed a girl or bloke before,” Draco mumbled with his back to Rose. A gentle smile appeared on her lips and she laid one hand on Draco´s back.

“Ok…Kiss me,” she whispered into his ear.

Draco faced her, his grey eyes unsure.

More confident than she felt Rose touched Draco´s cheek and looked deep into those stormy grey eyes, which were so different from Fred´s warm hazel colour or Snape´s mysterious black orbs.

Draco´s lips were rougher than she´d imagined them. The first moment was awkward and a bit clumsy but soon they found a rhythm and the kiss developed from unsure exploration into something different, entirely. Rose forgot completely where she was and why they kissed in the first place and floated in the feelings that rushed through her the longer the kiss lasted. As they finally parted, Draco leant his forehead against Rose´s and joined her breathless giggling.

“Wow, Draco…you´re a natural.”

“I´m afraid I´m not that sure about my sexuality anymore.” If he was honest to himself he was more than ready to kiss Rose again. Her lips were so soft and she tasted sweet like candies and tea with maybe a trace of something herb. But before he could think about what to do or not to do, he felt her lips again on his. Teasingly she licked over his bottom lip until he opened his mouth and let her in. Draco pulled her closer and felt how Rose wrapped her arms around his neck. In this moment Draco felt as if he would never want to stop, never want to let this girl go again.

Draco kissing her was definitely the best thing that happened the last week. But eventually, certainly after minutes of kissing and exploring the mouth of the blonde Slytherin, Rose pulled away but didn´t took her arms from around his neck.

She knew her cheeks glowed pink and her lips were swollen, but it felt right. It felt right too to peck Draco a last time before she stepped away.

Neither of them said a word as they left the classroom and walked silently to the Great Hall where Hermione already waited for them.

“There you are! Where´ve you been?” She looked at her friends suspiciously. Something was odd, she only could not put a finger on it.

“Draco needed a private word...about Ron,” Rose lied but knew for sure Hermione wouldn´t buy it, though she nodded and was seemingly content with this answer.

Draco followed Rose into the hall, his hand on the small of her back made her stop a second. He bent down and whispered a thank you in Rose´s ear. He brushed a soft kiss on her cheek before he left for the Slytherin table.

From the teacher´s table Severus watched the intimate scene between Rose and his godson. He knew it was stupid but a jealous sting made him grip his cutlery harder.  What did Draco think he was doing? Displaying himself in such a way in the middle of the Great Hall, surrounded by dozens of students.  

With gritted teeth, Severus tried to calm his pulse and push the unwanted stir of jealousy aside. It wasn´t due to him to feel jealous. Rose was only a student. Yes, only a student and he had to make sure she came no closer to him than she already was.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a little more intimacy :)  
> And a very private conversation...

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

The next morning, Rose woke at dawn and felt simply good. Her sleep had been refreshing and her gloomy mood was like blown away. Silently she crept out of the room and into the bathroom for a thorough shower. After she was dressed, she walked down into the Great Hall which was still empty at this early hour on a Saturday. Rose changed her mind and left the castle for a short stroll over the school grounds. She walked along the lake and thought about Draco.  

These kisses wouldn´t leave her mind. Strange, but thinking of it she could imagine herself with Draco and it would be so much easier than everything concerning Severus. But anyway, it couldn´t change her feelings for this man. Kissing Draco had certainly been nice, more than nice actually, but doing so ignited another string of thoughts again. How would it feel to be wrapped in Severus´ arms while his mouth ravished her, made her breathless and giddy?

Rose was half way around the lake as she stopped and looked back to the castle. Yes, any relationship would be simpler than one with Severus, but she couldn´t help that she wanted just that. Badly.

But of course it was denied to her. Everything she really wanted was denied. If only Bellatrix and her fellow Death Eaters would sit in Azkaban already, maybe then she could think of telling Severus. Though at the moment it didn´t look like Bellatrix would be caught all too soon. She wished she could do something. Anything. But apart from the fact that she had no idea where Bellatrix hid, what should she do? She was only one, but the Death Eaters were – what? - 13? She would never stand a chance and more importantly she had promised Severus to keep out of trouble, to stay safe.

Defeated by her own thoughts and conclusion, Rose made her way back to the castle and descended to the dungeons.

She knocked shortly on Snape´s door and entered without waiting. She plastered a smile on her face and was about to start talking as she noticed her mistake. Severus sat in his favourite armchair and in the other one was Professor McGonagall, holding a cup in one and the matching saucer in the other hand, looking mildly surprised.

"Miss Potter!" Severus drawled. Only he was able to stretch words this long without losing attention. "You are early," he added, but Rose saw a little twinkle in his eyes.

Yes she was a bit early. About 20 minutes to be correct. But she hadn't thought that he wasn't alone. And definitely she hadn´t thought to meet her Head of House the second day in a row when she practically burst into a teacher´s office.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to intrude. I'll be back later." Rose fidgeted with the seam of her shirt and was about to retreat as Professor McGonagall spoke up, "No, no. There is no need. Stay as you are already here. Professor Snape and I are finished for today, aren't we, Severus?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, I guess so," he answered, shrugging casually.

"Well then." McGonagall placed the china back on the coffee table and made her way out of the room.

"Did I disrupt something important?" Rose asked as soon as they heard Professor McGonagall´s footsteps out in the corridor.

"No, it's fine. Just small talk."

"Small talk? You're not exactly one for that."

"Maybe...Well, no you´re right. But it was really only meaningless conversation."

"Nothing to justify."

"I´d never," Severus smirked. "Do you want tea?" he asked, pointing at the tea pot.

"I'd love to, unless you plan on mixing some special ingredients into it to drug me into submission. Then better not,” Rose joked lightly but had to supress a shiver as she thought about how easy it actually was to do exactly that. Good she knew that Severus really was on their side, on her side, and would never do something like that. Funny enough, that it was not too long ago she would´ve thought this exactly the other way around.

Severus shook his head but chuckled softly before he remembered Draco and Rose the other day.

“You and Draco, are friends now?” he asked and poured a cup of tea for Rose.

“Yes, funny, isn´t it? It´s a bit like between us, it just happened, but I really don´t know why and when.” At her words the jealous feeling inside him calmed down a bit. Of course they were just friends. Though it needled him slightly to be compared with Draco.

"And you and Professor McGonagall? Do you meet often?" Rose pushed her hair back behind her ear, watching Severus curiously.

"No not really. But that is because I don't set especially great value upon social activities. Other staff members meet regularly. Professors Sprout and Burbage for example are friends."

"I guess it's difficult to make friends when most of the people around you are at least half your age. But now that we speak of it, I realise I've never thought about the teachers having a private life. I mean, it makes sense that you too have hobbies and do other things after lessons than only correcting essays."

"That's very sensitive of you," he mocked her and smiled into his tea.

Rose gave him a dirty look over her cup.

"Yes, Rose, of course we do have a private life.  But not unlike you, we spend most of the time in school and behind our desks. With about 300 students there is a lot of work to be done on a regular basis, plus detentions or extra lessons." He gave her a pointed look but Rose didn´t response to that as something different came to her mind.

"When you have so little free time what is with relationships?"

"There are none. Not that I know of." Severus shrugged casually.

"Really? No one?" Rose raised surprised her eyebrows.

"Well Minerva was married once, but that was years ago." Again Severus shrugged.

"The official opinion between the students is that McGonagall and Dumbledore are secretly a couple.” Rose chuckled but tried not to think about it too much, it was kind of disturbing to think about Dumbledore as a sexual human being.

“Definitely not. They are colleagues and friends but nothing more…” Severus knew about the rumours, as did everyone. Sometimes he had thought the same especially when he´d come back in the middle of the night from some errand for Dumbledore to find Minerva in Albus´ office, not uncommonly already in her night attire.

“Yeah I thought so much. But it´s awful!" Rose frowned.

“What?” Severus asked confused.

“That no teacher has someone.”

"You think so?"

"Well, I guess it's lonely. Don´t you miss someone on your side?" Rose crossed her legs and bent her head to the left as she waited for his answer.

Rose´s green eyes glittered intriguingly. It was really hard to look away, but Severus managed somehow and looked down into his cup.

"Sometimes it can be a bit sombre," Severus said. It was only a half-truth but no lie.

"But why is it then that no one is married or in any kind of relationship?"

"Rose, you know how it is. There is mostly no time alongside the daily routine and would you want a relationship with someone you see only 8 weeks a year, in the summer holidays?" Severus straightened a bit. Why were they discussing this instead of brewing?

"I see…" Somehow Rose thought this was depressing, thinking about all of her teachers and how they spend their whole lives alone, by their own choice as she saw it. Really, it couldn´t be completely impossible to have a relationship. As teacher you weren´t confined to live in the castle, surely there was a possibility to work at Hogwarts and live a life outside of it.

"But let´s for once take that not into account. If you´d meet someone special, who´d, let´s say, be willing to live here in the castle with you, would you," she pointed at Severus, "have a girlfriend?" Rose swallowed nervously, that was by far the most private conversation they ever had.

"I don't think so." Severus said after not even a second of consideration and shook his head, noticing they sailed towards dangerous waters.

"Why?" Rose inquired. She imagined herself living with him here in the castle. There were worse things.

"I don't like my private life mingled with my work life. In your described scenario that would be the case. And additionally, I am a challenging man. Just imagine the marital rows in the middle of the entrance hall…"

Rose chuckled but a bit of her hope shattered. He could never be with her. She was part of his work life and so would never become part of his private life. Still she asked further.

"But let us nonetheless assume a moment you would think about it, what is important for you in a relationship?" Rose held her breath. With every question she waited for him to stop her interrogation.

Severus again didn´t even think before he answered, "Trust."

Rose smiled, well point for her, he already had admitted to trust her.

"Something else?"

"It's important that I can absolutely rely on my partner. The chemistry must be right. But that is nothing you can foretell. It just happens to you."

Both were rather gobsmacked how easy this talk was and how honest Severus answered.

"What about you? What do you think is important?" he asked eventually back. Hell, why was he talking with her about things like that? It didn´t help to know such things about Rose. They should rather start with brewing.

"I think, too, that trust is absolutely necessary. But also a similar kind of humour. At least some shared interests. But also attractiveness. I don't really think it works when you are like 'I don't care for beauty it's only the inner values that matters'. When you find your partner not attractive I think something's wrong. Yeah and intimacy. So sex, too, is an important part when you're with someone. I mean if this doesn't work, for whatever reason, I think it could be quite difficult,” Rose said, giving her thoughts free reign but blushed as she realised what exactly she had said.

“You think so? Is that personal experience?” Severus literally held his breath. Did they speak really about sex? Minerva would probably more than readily hit him with a cane if she knew.

Severus was not entirely sure why his moral voice was obviously the stern Transfigurations teacher.

“Personal experience? With sex?” Rose asked mildly surprised and blushed even deeper. How had they come this way? “Nah...not really. I mean, not that I don´t want to…But uhm actually there´d been never the opportunity and no boyfriend either. And I was, uhm like, quite busy the last years with outliving Voldemort and all.” She´d aimed for a light tone but her joke was maybe not as good as she had intended, especially because her voice squeaked a bit and all the stammering made it not considerably better.

“Busy...” Severus replied incredulously but noted almost satisfied that she´d confessed to be a virgin, for what it might be worth. “But you've kissed someone before, right?” he asked before he could stop himself. Inwardly he banged his head against an imaginative wall. Never ever should he talk about sex and related topics with Rose. With no student but especially not with Rose. But somehow he couldn´t help being curious. It satisfied him more than it should that she´d never before had a relationship. Though he was not the one for all of her first times it itched him to know he would be exactly that.

Holy Salazar!

What was he thinking? He was not the man for any intimacy with Rose. He had to stop thinking about that!

“Yes, most recently to be honest. Twice…” Rose said and her eyes flicked to Severus´ lips. Oh how she´d love to taste them.

“With one and the same?” Severus asked a trace more tersely. That jealous beast in his chest perked up again.

“No, why?”

“Just as a matter of interest?” Severus leant back into his chair, laced his fingers together and arched his eyebrows. Behind his cool exterior raged a storm of different emotions and it wouldn´t abate with Rose´s intense gaze lingering on him. 

“And is your interest satisfied now?” Rose asked with a small smile, her eyes widened briefly amused.

“I'm not entirely sure,” Severus smirked, extremely satisfied that his voice was calm and even.

Rose watched him appraisingly but finally made up her mind.

“What about you? Have you done it before?” she mocked him. It was only fair. When he could ask her such questions she would too.

"Kissing? Of course." Severus crossed his legs. Maybe this whole conversation had lasted long enough and it was time to switch to safer topics. Potions for example.

"I meant not kissing." Rose lifted daringly her chin, a mischievous grin dancing over her face.

“Rose! I am thirty-six years old.” What did she think?

“Oh yes, that explains everything,” she huffed. “Have you? Or not?” Rose felt her heart speed up. This was still Snape, her Professor, she asked so flippantly about his personal life, most private personal life.

“Occasionally,” Severus said quietly. He should stop her here. His sex-life was nothing she should be concerned with. But somehow he couldn´t find the words to silence her and she already went on.

“Oh, that sounds like ‘not very often’,” Rose teased. Severus gritted his teeth. Damn her, he really should stop her now. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Was it with a girlfriend?” Rose continued unfazed by his sourly expression. Actually she enjoyed herself tremendously.

“No.” Severus almost chocked on this small word and his lips curled after he´d spat it out.

“No?” Rose asked a lot more cautious. The mood in the room shifted and Rose felt a cold shiver ran down her body, despite the warmth of the fire nearby.

“No! I never had one.” Well…There it was out. Something he´d never voiced before, and for sure not with a student. Severus stared down on his hands, not able to meet Rose´s eyes.

Rose´s mockery fell apart. She felt bad for ever starting that topic. Genuinely she asked, “Never? As in: never ever?”

“Yes like that. There was never the need for one with brothels full of whores and some yielding wives of fellow Death Eaters.” Severus´ voice was dripping with sarcasm and his eyes blazed warningly. He cursed himself, why had he let it come to that? This was nothing he wanted to discuss, not even with Rose. Goddamn it, especially not with Rose.

“I'm sorry,” Rose whispered and, ignoring his warning look, leant over her armrest to reach for his hand. Severus yanked it with an indignant huff away only for Rose to grasp it again.

“I mean it. I'm sorry.”

Without considering it, Rose lifted his hand to her face and pressed her lips to his palm.

Severus closed his eyes as a shiver ran down his spine and all tiny hairs on his body rose. His skin tingled from the sensation, beginning at the spot where Rose´s lips touched him. They were so soft, even softer than he had imagined them.

“Why are you doing this?” he whispered roughly, straining for composure.

“Because,” she said and stood up, still holding his hand, “I really”, she pulled him up too, “really like you”, she ended and got hold of his second hand.

Looking down at Rose, Severus sighed. Why was it he couldn´t think straight in her proximity? Why was it so easy for her to sneak past all of his defences and come closer than anyone else ever had?

“You shouldn't, Rose.  I am no good man.” Heavy-hearted he shook his head and tried to extract his hands from her grasp.

“Yes you are. But think of yourself as you wish.” Rose brought her hands, still holding his, behind her back so that he embraced her. She let go of his hands which rested now both loosely on her lower back and looked up at him. She swallowed. There she´d managed to be closer than ever before and still it felt like he was worlds apart.

Rose leant her forehead against his chest, mostly to hide her face. Her eyes stung with tears and she didn´t want him to see them. Tentatively she wrapped her arms around him. All the time she expected him to step away and chastise her for her inappropriate behaviour. But nothing happened and it felt good to be this close to him. He was warm and Rose felt safe and secure, like nothing could ever happen to her as long as Severus was there.

After a short but futile inner fight, Severus tightened his arms around Rose and allowed himself to revel in this moment.

With closed eyes he rested his chin on top of her head. Her hair was soft and smelled like herbs and lavender and a faint hint of lemon. He was sure that he would never again use lavender in potions without thinking about Rose.

Severus sighed and let go of Rose. 

She didn´t. She only looked up at him with these green eyes so similar to her mother´s but still different.

He wanted to say something. Make clear they shouldn´t do this, embrace each other. He wanted to ask what she thought this was between them. He wanted to know what she thought in general and what she felt, especially for him, not only in this moment, because he was sure there was more than she showed him.

But he stayed quiet. Their eyes were still locked as Severus stroked her hair back out of her face, softly grazing her cheek.

Rose sighed and turned ever so lightly into his touch. Her feelings were chaotic. Did this here mean anything more?

A small wave of panic gripped her as Severus tried to step away, but Rose hadn´t planned on letting go any time soon.

“No…” she whispered, leaning her head against his chest again.

“Yes, you need to work,” he said softly, not even convincing himself.

“Just a moment longer please, because I messed up terribly yesterday and I haven´t felt so safe in a long time.” Rose´s whisper was so quiet Severus almost hadn´t heard it. Though only almost. His heart beat a fraction faster. Rose felt safe with him.

“Oh yeah, that potion is something we still need to discuss,” he said with a sigh, but wrapped his arms around her. He was overly aware of her whole body against his and on how many levels this was wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first kiss is about to happen. I promise. It comes. Soon...Actually in the next chapter. You see there´s silver lining in the distance ;)

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Rose looked up as she heard the faint sound Snape made. She had seen him like this before: jaw tight, face concentrated and hands in a white-knuckled grip. This bloody lunatic woman called for him. Surely he had more pain than he showed. After a moment he disappeared in the storage room. Rose exchanged a look with Draco but he only shrugged.

Rose had no idea what he made there behind the door but not long later he came back and sat down again. She could see how he tried to hold his breath steady during the rest of the lesson. But his jaw was clenched so tightly and a vein twitched on his temple. Concentrating became rather difficult for Rose as she again and again cast worried glances towards Severus, but each and every time he narrowed his eyes at her and shook his head. Heavens, did he really think she would try to comfort him? In front of all her classmates? Rose might be rash with decisions, occasionally, but she was not suicidal. Though even in this point Severus disagreed with her, naturally.

***

Severus growled. His jaw clenched tight, he fixed his gaze on a point somewhere behind the students. Not enough that he had to take over Lupin´s Defence classes again. No. Now also that. Was she kidding? Bellatrix knew exactly that he had his duties and couldn’t leave whenever it suited her. He felt a rush of foreign emotions. Oh obviously Bellatrix was overly excited, but it didn’t stop her to activate the Mark again. Or that was exactly the reason she did it. She knew he couldn´t go and she wanted to recall herself to his mind.

With all control he could currently muster, he rose from his seat and stalked into the neighbour room. He cast a quick silencing charm and groaned loudly.

Panting, he hit and kicked the furniture. Not that it really helped to reduce the burning agony in his flesh, but it helped his mind. With gritted teeth he left the room and settled again behind his desk, ignoring the confused faces of his class.

Though Rose looked like she would jump up every second and try to comfort him. However welcome it would be in private, right now, dare her she did! No matter how changed everything was since that long embrace they´d shared.

To be on the safe side, considering Rose loved to ignore warnings, Severus narrowed his eyes as he regarded her with a subtle shake of his head.

As soon as the bell announced the end of the lesson, Severus stood up and rushed wordless out of the class.

He hurried through the castle and left Hogwarts´ grounds so he could apparate.

He arrived this time at an old mansion with only two remaining outer walls. As Severus entered, Lucius scurried towards him, hands already raised seemingly to placate Severus.

"I'm sorry. She won't hear that you can't come now..."

"I was in the middle of a class. Very hard to hide that your body feels like burning," Severus spat and lucky him Bellatrix had heard him.

"Oh Severus!" she twittered with a fake smile. "So good to see you. I have fantastic news." She flung her arms around his neck and pressed her lips on his. "Ooooh come one...Am I so bad?" She giggled maniacally as he didn't reply.

Severus felt like throwing up and simultaneously tried to ban Rose from his thoughts, the only woman he wanted to kiss. Damn it!

"What is it Bellatrix? What couldn't wait until the end of classes?" he asked coolly.

Bellatrix pouted like a toddler but said anyway, "You like Halloween?"

"I don't see why this would be relevant."

"Hmmmm....I may have a surprise for you and your little sweetheart..." She danced around him giggling again.

"If you mean Rose, she´s not my sweetheart.” Severus narrowed his eyes.

"Of course she is because I say so. And wouldn´t you try to make her fall for you? Maybe you remember that you have a deadline until Halloween? It´s the day after tomorrow, you know?” Bellatrix positioned herself in front of him, locking her gaze with his.

“Would you just tell me what you've planned?" Slowly he became impatient with the woman, not to mention with her repetitive attempts to break through his shields to glimpse into his mind. Bellatrix might be talented with Legilimency, but she was nothing compared to the Dark Lord and Severus had always managed to keep his mind shut against him, so Bellatrix was no opponent, really. Obviously she sensed her defeat too as she detached her gaze and danced a few steps away.

“But if I tell you now it would be no surprise, no?"

"How can I help then?" Severus asked and supressed the sigh that was about to burst out of him, instead he raised his eyebrows, waiting.

"Hm…oh...That´s simple: just make sure that Potter doesn't go to the feast is all. And it would be amazing if you knew where to find her then. Thank you for your time," Bellatrix said in a song-song and swept away into another room.

Severus´ mind ran wild. Planned she to kidnap Rose from Hogwarts? From inside the castle? That was no plan, that was just stupid...But then again it was Bellatrix...

Not quite ten minutes later Severus paced through the Headmaster´s office, gesturing wildly while he reported from his last meeting with Bellatrix.

"Honestly Albus, I don't know what she plans. She only hinted it would happen on Halloween and I shall make sure Rose doesn't attend the feast." Severus looked across the desk to Dumbledore, both hands on the wooden furniture and bent forward. “I´m not even sure she really has a plan but attempts to chafe us.”

Dumbledore stroked through his long, white beard.

"Well that is not much. We should make sure that Rose doesn't stay without surveillance. And I will check our wards. I´m not eager for a nasty surprise…"

 ***

Severus should have known that it wouldn't be that easy. He´d left the Headmaster´s office already with a bad feeling and somehow his suspicions were validated as he couldn't find Rose at dinner. So much for surveillance…

He stayed longer than usual, but she didn't come. He wasn´t eager to make a fuss, so he just left and went to his chambers, where he found a short message from Poppy that 'Miss Potter is unwell and won't attend her extra lessons today'.

Could it be this was Bellatrix' deed? Severus was already halfway up to the infirmary as he stopped mid-step. It would be more than embarrassing to rush into the infirmary just to realise Rose was there because of a broken finger or worse, a women's issue.

Severus closed his eyes. He should wait. This was Hogwarts after all, where else if not here should Rose be safe? He retreated to his chambers, but this night he found no sleep. Endlessly he thought about Rose and every time he drifted off into dozing, he dreamed about her being in deathly peril.

The next day Rose was not at breakfast and didn´t show up in Potions.

Severus was so worried about her absence that it didn't occur to him to just ask her friends. And so he rushed after the sound of the bell as first one out of the room.

He kept looking for Rose but couldn't find her either between lessons nor during lunch or at dinner. Slowly Severus thought to lose his mind. After a hasty dinner he strode out of the Great Hall and found himself in front of the Gargoyle to the Headmaster´s office. Broodingly Severus regarded the guard with a withering glance and snorted.

Right Severus, run to Albus and tell him exactly why you are so anxious.

With another snort he turned around and strutted to his quarters. He managed to calm his nerves with a drink and fell, still sitting in his armchair, in a restless sleep.

The next morning Severus woke with a stiff neck and more exhausted than the day before. He was already too late for breakfast and so he stormed immediately to his class.

During the lunch break he supervised some half-witted second years who had to clean up their exploded swelling solution. Impatiently he tapped his foot on the ground, knowing perfectly well he made the students just more nervous. To all of Severus´ luck it took them the whole lunch time to clean up and as he finally arrived in the Great Hall most of the students were gone. So he had still no idea if Rose had surfaced again or not.

Severus anticipated longingly the ringing of the bell that would announce the end of today´s lessons. As it finally came he gave the baffled bunch of fourth years not even homework before he hastened away. He roamed the corridors until it was time for the Halloween feast. Until now he had not even seen any of Rose´s friends.

Dumbledore. There was no other option. He had to talk to Dumbledore.

Severus nodded to himself as a thought crossed his mind.  The infirmary. Poppy had notified him. Why hadn´t he thought earlier about that? Heavens all the fuss and Rose might be only still in the infirmary. Inwardly he slapped himself for his foolishness and turned around to go and find Madam Pomfrey as his heart made a sudden jump. Off the grand staircase, he gazed messy black hair. Rose!

He hurried over and grabbed her wrist. With long strides he pulled her away and into a nearby empty classroom.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is: the kiss
> 
> Though, please don´t expect a happy ending right now...that´s still a little way to go
> 
> Enjoy! :)

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Rose knew it was a bad idea to eat something the Weasley twins declared as not life threatening. And now she was reminded every few minutes as she threw up how true that was.

"Rose I'm so sorry!" Hermione wailed for the thousandth time. "The boys assured me it were safe."

"Usually this would be right, but unfortunately Miss Potter is overly sensitive and cannot stomach this special mixture of fermented Doxy eggs in Firewhiskey-chocolate," Madam Pomfrey lectured and eyed the label of the mentioned sweets before she shooed Hermione out of the infirmary.

"Tsk, stay in bed!" she chided Rose. "I'll bring you something against the nausea and to channel the Doxy poison in your blood."

Weakly Rose fell back into the bed. Never again would she eat anything from Fred and George.

After Madam Pomfrey had administered three different potions, Rose closed her eyes and waited for the effects to kick in.

Even the next day, she felt like a flock of Hippogriff had trampled her down. Her head hurt and she shivered so much she felt already giddy with it.

During lunchtime and again after their last class, Hermione, Ron and Draco visited. But Rose was glad that Madam Pomfrey sent them each time quite swiftly away. She loved her friends but not their chatter right now.

On Thursday Rose felt finally a lot better. The headache had stopped and the nausea was battled.

Gladly she was allowed to leave the infirmary on afternoon. So she could go to the Halloween dinner. She waited in Gryffindor tower for her friends and used the time to just sit in front of the fire. She had to do her homework, a lot of it, but not now. As Ron and Hermione joined her, Rose felt as good as new again and enjoyed the easy talking.

At half past 7 Hermione and Ron were already gone down to meet with Draco, though actually it was more Hermione who met with Draco. Rose needed a moment longer as she tried to fiddle her contact lenses in her eyes - damned things! - but gave eventually up, like mostly and put her glasses back on.

She hurried through the entrance hall shortly before the dinner would start as Severus came with long strides towards her. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her in an empty classroom. Confused she looked at him.

"Are you all right?" Severus asked, both hands on her shoulders while he eyed her cautiously.

"Yeah, Madam Pomfrey patched me up again." Rose narrowed her eyes. He looked like she had felt the former day. "And you? Are you all right?" she asked and laid one hand against his chest.

"Me? Of course, why?" Severus swallowed and hoped she wouldn´t feel his racing heart. He´d been quite an idiot the last days. Worrying himself sick about nothing as it seemed.

"You look…horrible. What was Tuesday?"

"Bellatrix," he said tersely. He didn't want to talk about Bellatrix now and definitely didn´t want to think about her either. It was enough that his Mark burnt already the whole day and besides, he still was busy processing that Rose was all right and not kidnapped and murdered. Though Rose´s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Why don´t you fight her? That´s what I thought about a few times now and can´t understand. I mean you shouldn´t let her treat you like she does, altered Mark aside.”

“And then? When I kill her someone else takes her place and nothing changes. Believe me, Bellatrix is not the only one mad enough for the position.”

“So you just let her do whatever she wants and I´m here and worry that you one time won´t come back." Rose looked at Snape. She didn't like this hard expression around his lips, the weary gaze.

"Oh Rose!” Severus sighed exasperated. “You're always worried! I do this for years now. I know exactly what I have to expect!" He was not entirely sure when his former fear had flashed to anger.

Rose tensed up and huffed.

"Great! So you blame me for caring?" No one else made her so fast so angry like this damned man. Indifferent how she felt for him, there were moments he made her furious thus far she´d love to hex him. "I remember very vividly the state you were in after an encounter where you oh-so-perfectly-well knew what to expect!" 

"Yes, Rose, you've seen me a couple of times in a state of weakness and I allowed you to stay and help. What makes you think you know better than me what risk I take?"

"It's not that! I see you struggle and suffer with whatever this woman does to you."

"And it's none of your business!" Severus spat and knew absolutely well it was her business, he made it to it with confiding in her, besides the fact that it was also about Rose. No, not also. Everything happening was about Rose.

"Since when?" Rose glared at him.  Her cheeks reddening with anger. "You let me in on that and now you tell me it's nothing I must care about?"

"That is the point! Why do you care so much for heaven´s sake?" Why by Merlin had she always to argue? And why did she look even more tempting with blazing eyes and flushed face?

"Why don't you let me?" Rose retorted, seemingly on wits´ end.

"Stop it." He knew he should stop himself. Even better, he should take whatever was left of his self-control and leave.

"And if I don't stop what..."

Rose's last words were swallowed by Severus' mouth crashing down on her own. He kissed her frantically as if he was about to drown and her mouth were his only lifeline. Rose didn't question this further. She only wrapped her arms around his neck, threaded her fingers through his hair and wrapped her legs around him as he lifted her up. She felt the cold stone of a wall on her back as Severus pressed her against it.

She was on fire. Never before had she felt so alive. A needy moan slipped from her lips as he stopped kissing her and instead licked down her throat and up again nibbling on the soft skin beneath her ear. With one hand she grabbed his hair and yanked him up to kiss her again. His tongue delved into her mouth, swiping through it as if to map any nook and cranny.  

Rose gasped softly as she suddenly lost the contact to the wall as Severus pulled her away and sat her on the teacher´s desk. Rose pulled him closer with her legs. If it was even possible, her heart thrummed still faster in her chest as she felt his erection through the layers of his clothes. There was no way he could deny that he liked what they did. Rose felt giddy and bubbly with excitement.

Severus´ hands roamed over her back, shoved on her robes. Digging her heels into his thighs she moved against him eliciting a series of pants and moans.  

'Oh Merlin, what was she doing here?’ She grinded again against Severus. This time his moan was louder and he gripped her hips to pull her closer as he rubbed over her sensitive flesh.

And then – as fast as it had started – Severus pulled away and stormed out of the room leaving Rose breathless, flushed and more than a bit confused behind.

***

Merlin what had he thought? Obviously he hadn't thought at all.

Kissing her...Touching her like this.

He had to protect her and not to throw her in the line of fire.

But she´d been so responsive. His skin still tingled from her touch and the evidence of their encounter was trapped uncomfortably in his trousers. Merlin!

That must not happen again. Never!

Severus swallowed heavily. He rounded the next corner and ran straight into Minerva and Albus.

"Severus! Good to see you, we're just on the way to the Halloween dinner..." Dumbledore beamed at him before he frowned. "Don't you feel well? You look a bit flushed, my boy." His gaze was so intense, Severus was sure the man looked right into his head.

"I'm fine. I was a bit in a hurry." Thank the higher might’s his voice was steady and unaffected as ever.

"Splendid! Then accompany us if you like.”

Severus knew it was not the suggestion it might sound like so he surrendered to his fate and followed the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress, who said no word but eyed him with narrowed eyes, into the Great Hall.

Subtly Severus glanced around, but Rose was nowhere to be seen. Hopefully she was all right. He had to fix this – his – mess soon.

***

What had happened? One moment they argued and the next Severus was kissing her silly.

Rose wrung her hands. Her heart thrummed hard in her chest. She could still taste him on her lips: Surprisingly sweet but somehow spicy.

For a second Rose thought about going back to Gryffindor tower, but her stomach rumbled audible. Well, he would sit far enough away and she had until tomorrow to organise her thoughts.

Smoothing her crumpled clothes, she left the classroom and entered the Great Hall.

Of course she was the last one and all eyes flew to her. She gave only Remus a reassuring little smile and hurried then with bent head to her friends.

"Where've you been?" Hermione asked as Rose sneaked on the seat next to her.

Without deciding to do so, she glanced at Severus who was in a conversation with Professor Sinistra but noticed her gaze and returned it guiltily before he looked quickly away.

"Later and not here."

Hermione followed Rose's gaze and nodded.

Rose was halfway through her dinner as her stomach once again rumbled uncomfortably. Maybe the feast was after a poisoning not the best idea.

"I'm going to be sick," Rose muttered and rushed away before Hermione could say a word.

"Uhm...I think I go and look if she's ok," Hermione said to Ron and followed Rose.

"Rose? You need help?" Hermione asked as the retching sound stopped for once in the last fifteen minutes.

The door to the toilet stall opened. Rose was pale and sweaty.  Tired she shook her head and went over to a sink to splash some cold water on her face.

"I think I go to bed."

"Maybe you should better see Madam Pomfrey..."

"No. It's ok. I need just a bit rest.”

***

"I think she will be fine. Doxy egg poisoning is a nasty thing and takes a few days to heal," Dumbledore said lowly as Severus half rose as he saw how Rose hurriedly left the Hall.

He sat back again.

"Doxy eggs?" What was the old man babbling?

"That's the reason for her recent stay in the infirmary. I thought you knew?"

Severus turned his head to Dumbledore before he looked back to the doors.

"I didn't." Wonderful quite obviously he was even more of an idiot than he´d assumed. Rose had indeed been all the time in the infirmary. Had he known…Heavens, had he only known. Never would he have been so worried and never would it have cumulated into the recent event.

“Do you have any news from Bellatrix?” Dumbledore asked into Severus´ thoughts.

“No, I start to think she only tried to distract us…”

***

"Honestly Miss Potter!" Madam Pomfrey muttered much later that evening as she stood bent over both Rose's miserable form and the bed.

Hermione had called the Matron as Rose had started trashing around in her bed. She had thought it was only a nightmare, but as Hermione tried to wake Rose she felt how hot her friend's skin was.

"You are really sensitive my dear. I've never seen such a reaction to such a small dose of Doxy eggs. You need to come with me. You need something for the fever.” Steadying her cautiously, Madam Pomfrey helped Rose up and escorted her to the infirmary.

***

Rose opened her eyes and groaned. Merlin! She felt like her head was wrapped in cotton. Dizzily she blinked a few times and saw her glasses floating into her sight.

"Hello..." said a soft voice to her left.

Rose took her glasses and recognised Luna.

"Are you better?"

Rose was not sure yet and just sipped on the water Luna offered her.

"I react to Doxy eggs too. It's because they are often contaminated with wrackspurt excretions," Luna said with a serious nod and swung her legs.

"Yeah...ok...whatever..." Rose leant back into her pillow. Luna was really pretty unique.

"You feel well enough that Professor Snape can visit you?" Luna's bright eyes surveyed Rose intensely.

"Professor...Snape?" Rose stuttered.

"Yes. He was already two times here, but you´ve been still asleep and now he waits outside the door for about an hour already and paces up and down." Again this surveying look. "Are you two in love?"

"What? No! Why?" Sometimes Luna was really creepy too.

"Oh I thought because Professor Snape is so worried and you spend so much time together..."

"Well, no. He just gives me extra lessons in Potions."

"Well, there's still time that this could change," Luna answered cryptically and walked to the door. "Professor Snape you may come in now. Rose's awake."

Luna disappeared and Rose was overly aware that she wore only the infirmary nightgown and assumed her hair was certainly a mess. Nervously she raked her fingers through the tangled locks.

Severus came slowly to her bed. Unsure he glanced at the chair but decided against it and just stood on the end of her bed.

"How do you feel?"

"Better…"

Silence spread and not a pleasant one. Severus coughed slightly.

"Rose...Look...Because of yesterday. I'm sorry. That shouldn't happen. I don't know what made me. It was reckless, irresponsible to take advantage of the situation the way I did. But I was worried. I had reason to believe Bellatrix might have found a way to get to you without my help and as I saw you, well and unharmed, I was relieved. More than relieved.”

He didn´t dare to look at her face. His heart thrummed painfully. He definitely needed more distance to her or he would do it again. Cautiously he took a step back from her bed.

Had Severus looked, he had seen how hard Rose tried to banish her feelings from her face.  Tough, a single tear escaped her efforts before she felt able to speak.

“Yeah, I understand. It was just the situation, all the boiling emotions. It didn´t mean anything.” Somewhere deep inside herself, Rose felt something breaking at her words.

Severus looked up now, nodding in agreement.

“Yes. It didn´t mean anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think?  
> Am I too mean to poor Severus and his lovely Rose?  
> Will you hate me now?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the kiss...new problems ahead *sigh*  
> I´m sorry. I can´t give them peace yet.

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Rose was – again – allowed to leave the infirmary on Monday but not without being forced into promising to not come back with something like that or better come not back at all the next months.

And even though leaving the infirmary was great on the one hand because there was never much to do and days tended to last forever, but on the other hand staying there had meant she had not to talk to her friends and Rose didn´t mind delaying that a little. Actually Luna and Severus had been her only visitors over the weekend. She had begged Madam Pomfrey to let no one to her. The Matron had agreed readily and had said it was good, so Rose could recover faster.

But then on Monday, Rose had no excuses anymore and had to face her friends again.

Hermione and Draco were immediately on her side but got no chance to ask anything as Professor Flitwick reminded them to practise their spells nonverbal and therefore he expected absolute silence.

After class, Rose slipped as fast as possible away and hurried over to Ron.

“Hey.” She smiled and linked their arms.

“Hey?” Ron looked down at Rose, obviously confused.

“Ron, I just wanted to say sorry. I think I was a bit harsh to you,” she said finally and stopped to look at him properly.

“Yeah…Eh…Thanks…But maybe you were right.” Ron gazed around “Have you a minute somewhere more private?”

Rose nodded and led Ron out of the castle and a bit away to a bench.

“So…tell me.”

“I´m a fool…”

Rose tried to hide her grin behind her hand and cleared her throat. “Why?”

“I hurt a lot of girls recently.” Ron looked ashamed down on his hands and Rose took one of them looking seriously at her friend.

“Not only girls, you know?”

Ron kept silent so Rose went on.

“Ron, you are a great friend, one I can always trust. But sometimes you´re so stubborn it hurts. I´m sure you know for yourself why kissing girls is not what makes you happy. So why don´t you just admit it? You like boys and hey, it´s no shame. Sirius is gay too and Remus. It´s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Mom will never again speak with me,” Ron whispered.

“Rubbish! She loves you anyway! I´ve never met someone with so much love to give and there is no way she would ever stop speaking with you because of who you love. Look how much she tried to speak even with Percy and he is such a git!”

“Still I can´t…Not if she learns who I fancy.”

“It´s all because it´s Draco and not…I don´t know, Neville?” Rose was close to slapping him. How could one be so stupid?

“I´m not ready for that! I just found out for myself and then I shall start with someone like Malfoy? I can´t Rose.” Ron looked at her with puppy-eyes, silently begging her to understand and give her blessing to it.

“You hurt him, Ron. Keep that in mind.”

Ron hung his head and mumbled, “You spend a lot of time with him.”

“Yes. And you should too. We´re friends and I´m sad that you avoid us so often.”

“I can´t face him, not like this. He expects something I can´t offer.”

“I know…I hope you can soon …Hey…let´s go back, I think I need lunch. I had just light food over the weekend.” Rose made a face and was glad, that Ron just followed her. Food always cheered him up.

“Fred and George are such idiots!” he ranted.

“They are, but they hadn´t meant to harm me. Who could´ve known that I get sick?”

They entered the Great Hall and saw that Draco and Hermione sat together on Gryffindor table. Ron slowed his steps, hesitating.

“Come on. You need not to speak with him, just sit next to me.”

“Hey, where´ve you been? I thought we wanted to talk?” Hermione gave Rose a pointed look.

“I had things to untangle. Let´s meet after Transfiguration.”

“Room of Requirement?” Draco asked from behind Hermione. He didn´t look over as he didn´t want to accidentally meet Ron´s eyes.

“Yeah, why not. But then let´s go straight after lessons, before dinner.”

After they finished their lunch, Draco wrapped one arm around Rose´s shoulder and whispered, “Severus looks even more tired today than usual. You think he´s been summoned again?”

Rose looked back too, sneaking one arm around Draco´s waist for support and maybe a bit because it felt good, but yes, Draco was right. Severus looked tired…And straight to her. Damn! Quickly she turned and made Draco hurry out of the hall with her.

***

Severus couldn't stop watching Rose from the very moment she entered with this Weasley boy the Great Hall for lunch. Even while talking to his colleagues his eyes never left Rose. She looked much better today and laughed with her friends. But then Draco put his arm around her and whispered something into her ear. Was that all acting on her part, just to show him that she was ok and their kiss had really meant nothing to her? Or was there something between Rose and Draco? Were they more than friends? It made him mad. But why should he even assume she´d lied? She said she hadn´t meant to kiss him and actually she had only reacted to him as he´d practically forced himself on her.

Severus sighed and barely kept from rubbing wearily over his face.

Rose turned and looked back. Bloody hell, how could he have fallen so deeply? Severus longed to touch her again and how much he wished to be in Draco´s place right now. Severus saw her paling as their eyes met and then she practically fled.

Congratulations Severus, a tiny sarcastic voice in his head applauded him.

Honestly, wonderful. He´d really messed it up. Every time something was good in his life he drove it away with unconsidered, foolish behaviour.             

He looked down at his plate. His appetite was gone, alongside Rose. With huff he rose from his seat and crossed the Great Hall as his Mark burnt, worse than ever. Severus staggered a few steps before composing himself. He quickly exited the castle and apparated the second he left the wards.

As he came, surprisingly fast, back to Hogwarts, Severus went straight to the Headmaster´s office.

“Albus, I know what she´d planned,” he said as soon as the door closed behind him.

Dumbledore looked up from his correspondence and frowned but gestured for Severus to go on.

“The last days my Mark was more sensitive than before. I didn’t thought anything of it. Heaven knows what Bellatrix tries all the time, but this time it had a meaning. She tried to use the Mark to circumvent the anti-apparition wards. She wanted that Rose doesn´t attend the feast and is close to me, because she tried to come into the castle and snatch her right from under your watchful eyes. Gladly she wasn´t successful and it seems as if she abandons this idea.”

“Good Lord,” Dumbledore mumbled. “We need to have a close eye on Rose.” He stroked his beard and then added, “I think you´re suited best. You see her often. Make sure she doesn´t do anything that gets her into trouble. Yes, I think that would be best. Thank you, Severus.” The Headmaster nodded and lowered his gaze back to the letters in front of him, a clear dismissal.

Severus left but wondered how close he still was to Rose. Could he manage to watch over her or would they only fight about it?

***

Rose, Hermione and Draco met like discussed on the seventh floor. Though, Rose felt somehow bad because they excluded Ron again.

Like the last time they´d talked the room was again cosy and equipped with cuddly armchairs.

Rose grabbed a fluffy pillow and hugged it, propping her chin on it.

“Before you tell us what happened on Halloween I have another question: What happened between you two?” Hermione´s eyes wandered between her friends to and fro.

Rose and Draco exchanged a look. So Rose had been right, Hermione hadn´t bought it.

“I kissed her,” Draco stated, shrugging casually.

“You kissed her? What is about Ron or blokes in general?” Hermione gazed at Draco with wide eyes.

“I´ve never kissed before and I…I panicked ok?”

Hermione peered open mouthed at Draco.

“Wow. You two…ok. Is that why you are so close now?”

Draco looked unsure over to Rose before he mumbled to his knees, “Not directly…But I may have a little crush on Rose now.”

Rose groaned and buried her face in the pillow. Draco shifted uncomfortably.

“It´s ok for me…Really, I don´t want you thinking you have to do something…Maybe I´m just confused because you kiss so good.” At the last part Rose stared up to Draco.

“Jeez, Draco…You know that I wished I´d just be in love with you and not Severus? It were so much easier.” Tears prickled in the corner of her eyes. “And I liked kissing you too.” She smiled but then started sobbing. Draco tried to comfort her, but the more he tried the harder Rose cried. So eventually he sat back down and waited with Hermione for Rose to calm down again.

“I´m sorry…” Rose sniffed after long tearful minutes.

“What happened?” Hermione asked softly.

“Severus…We had an argument and then he…he kissed me and then he ran away.” Rose sobbed again.

“He kissed you?” Hermione asked.

“Severus?” Draco added.

“Yes.”

“So he has feelings for you too?” Hermione glanced at Draco, he was obviously right in the end.

“No, he has not. I don´t know what happened. The one moment we shout at each other and the next he kisses me as if there were no tomorrow. And then he comes to the infirmary and says that he regrets it. That he made a mistake.” Rose looked miserable over the pillow.

“Blimey! He can´t mean it.”

“Yes Draco, he was quite sure about it and I told him that it meant nothing to me either, that it was just because we were both so emotional.” Irritated Rose rubbed over her wet cheeks.

“Oh Rose, you know that he most probably lies to you, don't you?” Draco gave her a pitiful look.

“How will you know?”

“Of course I don´t know for sure, but I see how he looks at you, how he reacts to you. I´m sure he has feelings for you, some that go deeper than just respect.”

“He could just tell me then!” Rose felt anger bubble up inside her. Her life sucked.

“But Rose, think about it. He´s your teacher. He´s responsible for you. And don´t you think it would be strange?” Hermione asked and furrowed her brow in worry.

“Yes. I don´t think he can. Severus has damn high moral principles. Even if I´m right about his feelings, he could never allow to take advantage of someone he bears the responsibility for.” Draco nodded and watched how Rose hung her head. If he just had an idea how to help her without making it even more complicated.

“He said he´s sorry that he took advantage of me in this situation.”

“I´m sorry that it´s so complicated for you.” Draco stood up and pulled Rose to her feet too, wrapped his arms around her and stroked softly her back.

“I´m afraid what will be when I see him tomorrow,” Rose whispered. She had her eyes closed and buried her face deep in Draco´s chest.

“Maybe it´s just like always,” Hermione said but Rose´s head jerked up and she looked at her in horror.

“I hope so and at the same time I don´t.”

***

Severus hadn´t slept well the last days. To be true he had practically not slept at all since Friday. And it was not for Bellatrix. No, she kept her word for once and didn´t summon him daily, she even promised him to call him only once a week in the future. But now he could catch up on sleep, Rose haunted his mind and kept him from sleeping.

He couldn´t deny that he was indeed nervous as she entered on Tuesday evening his chambers. She looked beautiful like always, but from the very moment she sat foot in his study she was somewhat reserved, or maybe only cautious.

“Hello,” Rose said sheepishly and avoided his gaze.

“Hello. Please read Chapter seven about Armortentia. We will start with it tomorrow.”

What better topic than love potions after kissing her, Severus thought acidly. He watched as Rose sat on a chair and silently started reading. Good gracious how could he ever straighten that out again?

Sighing, he sat down behind his desk and tried to work. But it was useless. He was for his dear life not able to concentrate. So finally he gave up, emptied his desk and set his brewing equipment up. Rose glanced only once over but kept her eyes otherwise glued to the book.

Severus started preparing ingredients for Armortentia, so he could show it the next day to the class. Maybe one or another could recognise it, though he doubted it.

He had just added the last ingredient and stirred the still unfinished potion in slow, evenly circles as Rose made a small noise. Severus looked over and nodded.

“I´ve finished. Am I to tell you about it? Or will you ask me tomorrow morning?” Never before, Severus had seen Rose so impersonal like now, not even in former years, but maybe it was no wonder.

“No, tell me now the most important characteristics and then you can go if you like.” Though he hoped she would stay, like usually.

“Armortentia is the most powerful love potion we know but also the most dangerous. Its effects start immediately after substitution. It smells different for everyone, reminding each person of the things they find most attractive, even if the person is unaware of their fondness for the object of their affection,” Rose rattled off what she just read and after she finished, she jumped up and grabbed her bag. She was already at the door as Severus called her.

“Rose, wait!”

Reluctantly she turned around and returned for the first time this evening his gaze.

“Are you ok?” Severus asked her concerned.

“I´m fine. Can I go? I have still loads of homework to do…because of my little trip to the infirmary.” She grinned and shrugged, though she knew it looked forced.

Severus shrugged too. He had no other reason as his wish to be close to her to keep her back and that was really no good reason at all.

“Well, then. Go!” And she did without glancing back. Severus sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.

In this night Severus found again no sleep. He rolled from side to side until it was finally late enough to stand up. Groggily he shuffled over into his bathroom. A shower was still the best way to wake up. As the hot water poured down on him he closed his eyes.

He turned his face into the spray and washed over his body as he felt a beginning erection. He huffed, some bodily functions were just annoying and it was difficult to will them away each and every time.

Still with closed eyes, Severus braced himself against the wall and stroked himself firmly. Pictures of Rose popped into his mind. Rose with flushed face and dilated pupils. Rose propped up against the wall, moaning softly as he tasted the salt on her throat. Though he tried to stop thinking of Rose, Severus was powerless against the flood of memories. Ridiculously fast he came to the brink of orgasm. Severus growled frustrated and opened his eyes. His erection pulsed as if growling equally frustrated as he pulled his hand away.

“Heavens Rose, what are you doing with me?” Severus groaned and closed his eyes briefly, but it was long enough for his mind to conjure the very vivid memory of Rose rubbing herself against him. Almost against his will the tension in Severus loosened and he cried out as his release spurted from him and mingled with the water, still pouring down on him.

Furious about his lack of control, but mostly furious about his overwhelming feelings, Severus punched the wall. Already after the third contact his skin burst open. Blood smeared over the rough stone and then with the sixth blow something in his hand cracked. Shaking, Severus stopped and staggered over to the sink where he had put his wand. He healed the broken skin and bones and started to compose himself.

“Distance,” he mumbled repeatedly under his breath, hundred times again and again.

***

Quite on time, Severus let the door to the Potions classroom swing open and watched as the students stalked into. They were cautious and dared not to be too loud. Like scared little animals they sensed Snape´s bad mood. And bad it was indeed. Though healed, and he had made sure he had done it properly, his formerly broken hand still itched and was tender. And the memory of what he had done, how his own mind had betrayed him, lurked still in the back of his head, added to the itch in his hand and fuelled the urge to shatter something.  

Rose cast him an unsure look before she turned to Hermione. Snape´s whole composure looked like trouble. Draco leant over to Rose and whispered, “Did something happen yesterday?”

Rose shook her head, frowning. He couldn´t be pissed because she´d been more distant than usual? If yes, that was more than ridiculous.

“It was awkward and I left as soon as possible, but he was nice. It looked more like he wanted…”

“Potter, ten points from Gryffindor. You´re not here for gossiping!” Severus interrupted her coldly. Rose swallowed. Oh no, that was not good.

She glanced again to Draco but kept quiet.

“Today we talk about one special love potion. Tell me about Armortentia.” Severus stood in front of the class, arms crossed and his black cloak wrapped around him like a cocoon. Cold and calculated he looked over the students. No one stirred, not even Hermione.

“Of course none of you dunderheads can tell me the tiniest little bit,” he snarled and waved his wand at the blackboard, “Copy this!”

After exact ten minutes, the writing on the board changed into new text. The whole class groaned and hurried to get it all. But it was virtually impossible to keep the speed. Rose´s handwriting became more and more unreadable and even Hermione and Draco, who both could write fast, had their problems.

Five minutes before the lesson was over the blackboard went blank. Rose had a lot of gaps in her copy and hoped Hermione had more so she would be able to copy hers.

“Hand me your copies in. I´ll mark them.” An audible gasp went through the class, but one after another everyone brought their parchment to Snape. Rose lingered intentionally and walked as last one to the front. The bell had already rung and all her classmates were gone.

“Are you ok?” Rose asked cautiously and handed her copy over.

She was sure to see some emotion flicker over Severus´ face but it was too fast gone to name it. Instead his face went completely blank.

“It´s none of your business, Potter. Leave before I decide to subtract more points from Gryffindor,” he snarled.

“Have I done something wrong?” Rose asked against better knowledge.

Snape´s eyes blazed as he took one fast step towards her.

“I warn you,” he hissed but Rose felt already anger coil in her stomach.

“What do you think you´re doing? Is that some perverse game you´re playing? Let her come close, shove her away?” Rose hissed back. As quick as lightning Severus grabbed her arm and pushed her hard against a desk.

“You forget with whom you´re talking! Detention!” Severus´ face was only a hand´s breadth away and distorted in an ugly grimace of fury.

“Let me go,” Rose whispered but he only squeezed her arm harder, shook her slightly. “Please. You hurt me,” Rose pleaded.

“Snape?” Draco´s voice sounded from the door. Severus´ gaze snapped up and he released Rose´s arm as if burning himself. Rose stumbled away, right into Draco´s protective embrace.

He didn´t look away from Severus as he said to Rose, “Come on. Let´s go.”

Once out of immediate earshot of the Potions classroom, Rose started crying. Draco wrapped his arms around her and Hermione babbled about, that teachers were not allowed to get physical against students and that Rose had to go to Professor McGonagall.

At that Rose sobbed harder and shook her head.

“Hermione, I still have extra lessons with him and now detention too…What do you think he will do when I run to McGonagall and tell her?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The weather is so geat here and I´m in a good mood, so here another chapter for today! :)

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Word spread fast that it was better to avoid Professor Snape. The always ill-tempered teacher was even nastier than usual and obviously even his beloved Slytherin snakes were not safe these days.

So Rose got up on Friday and had already a bad feeling. Triple Potions class plus her detention. Oh joy.

Gloomily she sat between Draco and Hermione and stared into her cereals as the owls came.

“Oh!” Hermione said surprised and made Rose look up. Three brown owls landed in front of Rose and brought her a big package. All along the table, people craned their necks to get a better look.

Rose took the little card from the package and couldn´t suppress a grin.

“Those idiots! Fred and George say sorry…” she said to Hermione.

“Go on, open it,” Hermione urged her.

Rose unwrapped the paper and yelped. A tiny firework erupted from within the package, forming the words "So sorry" above the Gryffindor table. Rose laughed.

More and more fireworks started to rise, glittering in little stars around the apology until she finally had all the wrapping pulled away and peered into the basket. It was full of sweets, but thank Merlin only things from Honeyduke´s.

“Uh oh,” Draco said suddenly. Rose followed his gaze and saw the Professors McGonagall and – oh great – Snape coming over to them.

“What is the meaning of this, Miss Potter?” Professor McGonagall asked with narrowed eyes.

“I´m sorry, Professor. Fred and George Weasley sent this as apology for the incident with the Doxy eggs.”

“I see…Well, pack it away. Too many sweets so early in the morning will only make you sick again.” She was about to go away as she saw the gaze of her colleague and stopped.

“Draco, you are a Slytherin! Go where you belong!” Severus snarled.

“Over weeks it´s ok that I sit here but now suddenly not anymore?” Draco inquired incredulously.

“Go or it costs you points for disobedience.” Severus´ voice was only a low hiss. McGonagall said nothing, but her lips got thinner with every word spoken between the two Slytherins.

Huffing, Draco stood up, lifted his chin and left the Great Hall.

Rose was angry. Why did Snape behave like such an arse suddenly?

Jumping up, she glared at the man and followed Draco out of the hall, her basket tugged safely under her arm.

“Are you ok?” Rose asked as she finally found Draco in the Defence classroom. She sat down next to him and leant her head against his shoulder. Draco wrapped one arm around her.

“Why are the men we like such dicks?”

“I don´t know. I mean, Ron…I can understand him somehow, it´s not ok and it makes it not better, but still he has a point. But Snape? I thought it would be relatively normal, but on a moment´s notice he acts like the years before. Is there something I don´t get?”

Draco sighed and kissed Rose´s temple.

“I have not the faintest clue.”

***

Severus had no idea what he was doing. It felt so absolutely wrong to treat Rose this way, but how else should he create distance? It was impossible to let her come this close again. He risked not only his life. If Bellatrix knew about the kiss and that he did nothing to obey her…Merlin, he was a dead man. But when Rose hated him again, she would stop worrying about him and so she would never do anything stupid. It was for the best. For **her** best.

He steeled himself once again as he walked over to her and peered into her cauldron, a perfect caustic sneer plastered on his face.

“What is that supposed to be?”

“Armortentia?” Rose did not dare to look up.

“Armortentia?” he questioned with a cold huff.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” Now Rose half-turned on her seat and looked up. The class around them went so quiet one could have heard a flea sneeze. Severus stared down at her with a perfect disdainful raised eyebrow.

“Damn you,” Rose hissed and added an acidly, “Sir!” Severus clenched his jaw. He couldn´t ignore this, but giving her more detentions meant only to spend more time with her. He felt the eyes of the other students on him, gauging his reaction. Somewhat defeated by the result of his own idiocy, he morphed the sneer into an ugly smirk and bent down to Rose.

“More detentions, Potter!” He inhaled to calm himself before he straightened. What proved to be a mistake. Now her smell of herbs and lavender seemed to burn into his nose, bringing unwanted but treasured memories with it. Rigid he stalked back behind his desk and kept replaying, “Distance,” in his mind.

***

“Merlin Rose! Why can´t you just keep your mouth shut? What´s wrong with you? Or better with him? Why is he so nasty again?” Hermione asked exasperated as they emerged from the dungeons.

“Right Rose, why don´t you shut up? You should know better by now!” Draco said haughtily but put his arm around Rose´s waist what helped her immediately to relax.

“Oh shush Malfoy, will you!”

In an exaggerated gesture, he pressed his free hand over his heart, looking shocked.

“Wow, and there I thought we were friends now!”

Rose shot him a good natured glare before she snuggled closer into his embrace.

“Prat!” she whispered.

“Ouch, no need to insult me further.”

“Stop bickering!” Hermione said with a smile and watched surprised as Draco kissed Rose´s temple. The two were closer than she had thought.

***

“I hate him!” Rose shouted after her third evening in detention with Snape.

Hermione put her book aside and turned to her friend. The whole common room looked at them so Hermione yelled, “By Merlin´s beard, mind your own business!” before she asked Rose, “What happened?”

“He banned me from Quidditch!” Rose was so furious she pressed the words out between gritted teeth, hands clenching at her sides.

“What? No! Why?”

“I asked him if he´s all right. He was in pain. It was so obvious. His hands shook and every time I looked up he had grabbed his arm. So I asked. It´s only two weeks ago that he´d let me help him and now he shouts at me and punishes me for worrying.”

Hermione looked out of the window, studied the night sky intently before she turned to Rose again, a deep frown grazing her forehead.

“Maybe you should stop worrying about him. He doesn´t want you to, so don´t you think it would be best to ignore it?”

“Mione, I can´t just stop worrying about him.”

 “Yeah, I know but you can **act** indifferent. Maybe it helps both of you.” Hermione shrugged. Rose looked for a moment completely lost before she remembered why she´d been so angry.

“I need a new Seeker until in two days…” she groaned and looked around the room.

“HEY! Quidditch team! Come over here!” she shouted and waited for her team to shuffle over, everyone with confused expressions.

“Look everyone, we have a problem.” Rose rubbed the back of her neck. “Snape banned me from Quidditch, at least for the first game against Slytherin.”

Enraged mumble spread not only in the team, but everyone who had heard Rose was equally upset and the common room got filled with ranting about the Potions Professor.

“Ginny, I want you to take my position, ok?”

The red haired girl hesitated but then nodded.

Rose thought for a moment. “Dean!” she yelled over to her classmate who´d listened to everything they´d talked about, “You want to play in the team?”

Excited and grinning like an idiot, Dean came closer.

“Really? I mean, is that a serious question?”

“I need a Chaser, but if you don´t want…I´ll find another one.”

“Are you nuts? Of course I want!” Dean exclaimed and hugged her.

“Ok, great. So much to that. But there´s another problem: I´m also not allowed to coach you.” Silently everyone gaped at Rose. “I hope you can figure it out for yourself who makes the captain. If not I´ll name one.”

It took not long and almost unanimously the team decided for Ginny to become substitute-captain. Rose smiled sadly around.

“It´s not fair,” Ginny said sympathetic.

“No,” Rose sighed and patted Ginny´s shoulder before she left the common room. She needed urgently a moment in silence.

As she opened the door to the dormitory she heard hushed voices and stopped.

“…tell you. It´s so weird. All the years they pretended to hate each other.”

“So you think the rumours are true?”

Lavender and Parvati, Rose thought.

“Why not? It´s fitting, isn´t it? He was much too nice to her, don´t you think? And now somewhat happened and he´s back to being an asshole. I´m sure Rose doesn´t let him fuck her,” Lavender giggled excitedly.

“But Professor Snape and Rose…” Parvati started as Rose stormed into the room.

“Are nothing of your concern!” she snapped furiously.

“Uh, speaking of the devil…” Lavender smirked. “Tell us what is it with good old Snape?”

“Are you deaf or just dumb, Lavender? It´s none of your business and even **if** the rumours were true, you are the last person I would tell!” Rose walked over to her bed and pulled the curtains shut.

“Hmmm…So that sounds incredibly like we poked something…” Lavender giggled again but left with Parvati in tow.

***

The next morning, word had spread that Rose had confirmed she´d be in a relationship with Professor Snape.

“I did nothing like that!” Rose hissed as more and more people came over to her during breakfast to hear it from herself.

She was afraid to look at the teacher´s table. Certainly even the Professors had heard the new rumour already and with them Snape certainly too. Remus stopped shortly on his way to his first class, confirming Rose´s fear.

"Severus is fuming. What did you think?"

"Honestly, do you really think I'd tell something like this?" Rose glared up at him. Remus frowned and then nodded understanding.

"Keep your pecker up. After some time it becomes uninteresting for them." He squeezed gently her shoulder and left.

Rose sighed frustrated. She hoped dearly the other students would forget it fast.

“Stop it! Leave me be! I have enough of it!” Rose shouted and jumped up as again someone touched her at the shoulder. To her surprise, she looked into kind grey eyes.

“Draco…I´m sorry…”

“Let me help you,” he whispered and pulled her closer, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her firmly.

“Oh,” Rose breathed and blushed as he parted from her.

“Let´s go…” Draco took her hand and led her out of the Great Hall. Behind them, faint whispers erupted into vicious gossiping. And two pairs of eyes – one light blue and the other pitch black - followed them, burning furious holes into their backs.

“Merlin! Draco, are you sure that was clever?” Rose asked, but he stopped her from speaking further as he kissed her again.

“No, certainly not clever…but I want it,” Draco whispered between kisses and pushed Rose inside an alcove.

“I don´t know,” she whispered back but slid her hands over his chest. His body was so different to Severus´ but then one simply couldn´t compare a boy with a man. Draco was nice, certainly, and he offered distraction from any lovesick thoughts about Severus. But if anything it made the whole issue only more complicated.

However Rose´s higher brain functions went standby as Draco kissed her anew and nibbled softly on her lower lip. Every thought of struggle slipped away and Rose only returned his kisses until Draco sneaked one hand under her shirt.

“Wait…” Rose gasped and tugged on Draco´s arm.

“Sorry, I…”

“No! How late is it?” Panic started to bubble up in Rose and quickly she straightened her clothes.

“10 to 10…”

“Oh fuck! I have extra lessons!”

Draco slapped himself on the forehead.

“Of course. Then hurry or he gives you detentions until seventh year,” he said but didn´t let go of her.

“Draco, please!” Rose shoved him away, though gently.

“Yes, but are we…?”

“We talk later.” Rose said over her shoulder as she rushed away.

***

The jealous beast inside him roared and pushed his ire about the new rumours aside as his godson kissed Rose so openly in the middle of the Great Hall. He nearly jumped up and rushed to follow them as Dumbledore laid his hand on Severus´ arm.

“My, my…Young love, isn´t it beautiful?” The Headmaster smiled broadly at him. Severus breathed forced out and clicked his tongue.

“Wonderful, one likes to vomit,” he said acidly.

“Oh Severus my boy, are you not happy for your godson?” Dumbledore questioned him. His eyes became not unfriendly but a whole lot more inquiring as he studied his Potions Professor.

“I´m sure he knows what he does,” Severus said and stood up to leave the Great Hall at a measured step.

Dumbledore sighed and stroked his beard as he watched Severus leave. Maybe at some point he had to intervene. But not today, smiling he turned his attention to his right and followed for a moment the conversation of Professors Sprout and Flitwick.

***

Rose knocked just in time at Snape´s office. The door swung open immediately and Snape stood right before her watching her with one quirked eyebrow.

“You seem flushed,” he observed more than chill.

Rose swallowed and was unsure what to say or what to do as he made no attempts to step away to let her in.

“I hurried to be in time,” she said finally.

“I see…” Now Severus let her in and followed her into his study. “Are you together, you and Draco?” he asked and was immensely proud how even his voice was, though his insides cringed at the thought alone.

“I don´t know. Most of all he tried to rescue me from this gossip.” Rose had turned and looked at Severus. If she wouldn´t know it better she would say he looked troubled, but heaven forbid she would ask.

“Ah, right. The one where you told someone you and I were in more than a normal student teacher relationship…” Severus pursed his lips disparagingly.

“I did nothing like that. And obviously we´re anyway far away from any civility, like you behave recently.” Her tone was accusing and she pouted as she said it, but she felt treated so unfair by him.

“Watch your tongue!” Snape hissed, his hand twitched at his side as if he was tempted to reach for his wand or strangle her.

“Yeah, fine! Then just tell me what I am to do today!” Rose retorted and crossed her arms defiantly.

“You know what? Go. Go and snog Draco breathless or whatever it is you want do to him.” Severus was painfully aware how less controlled his voice was and how much hurt had sneaked inside it.

“Just perfect. Now you refuse to teach me because I have a boyfriend?” Rose was stunned, what the hell was wrong with this man?

“Oh now he **is** your boyfriend?” he asked spiteful and added, “Just leave! I´m fed up with you today!” Severus held the door open for Rose and banged it shut as soon as she was through.  

Furious he swiped his desk clear, cursing violently under his breath.

Why made Rose him always lose control? He could not think clearly in her proximity.

“Fuck!” he bellowed and smacked the empty desk.

***

It was the last time Rose and Severus spoke with each other more than a handful of words, mostly consisting of him telling her what page to read and her showing him her notes to the topic. Saturday´s brewing lessons were especially cruel for Rose. Severus just gave her the recipe and left. After two hours he came back, looked into her cauldron and dispersed the content what meant she could go. She had no clue if her potions were good or awful or maybe acceptable. During regular classes he flatly ignored her and she had the nagging feeling he didn´t even grade her work.

The only positive was Draco. They were not actually a couple, but more often than not they held hands or hugged each other. Sometimes they sneaked away and kissed, what granted them dark looks from Ron and it was not entirely surprising that the relationship between Ron and Rose once again became tense.

Hermione said mostly nothing to everyone´s behaviour and simply studied more than usual. Only one time, she walked in on Draco and Rose as they actually all wanted to meet in the Room of Requirement. Rose blushed furiously and hurried to button and straighten her clothes and Draco couldn´t look anyone in the eye. Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed before she made clear that she didn´t care as long as they were happy with what they were doing. After that, Draco and Rose stopped sneaking away and narrowed their affectionate behaviour down to more public compliant hugs.

But because Severus was so dismissive, Rose started to sneak up on him again. Like the time she had tried to apologise for the Pensive-disaster. How else could she learn if he was all right and if Bellatrix kept her word? He avoided her and they spoke not with each other, so she watched him. Looked he tired? Did his hands tremble? If yes, became it worse? Did he walk normal or more rigid as if in pain? Were classes delayed because he was not there? That were all things she observed. Sometimes he caught her spying but he never said something, if at all he raised an eyebrow and disappeared quickly.

Then after about four weeks into this spying and ignoring spiral, Severus changed his own tactic.

Rose sat in front of the fire in Severus´ study and like always they hadn´t talked much. And even that was exaggerated for he´d only muttered the number of the page she should read and backed behind his desk. He didn´t look up just scribbled, certainly mean, comments into student essays.

Rose said nothing at all and simply sat down and read. Her thoughts though made concentrating a real challenge and she caught herself time and again how she stared into the flames. Sighing for the thousands time Rose looked back into her book.

‘Agromantula poison and its specific uses’. What a daring issue...

She thought back to her second year in Hogwarts as she´d chased spiders through the forbidden forest with Ron in tow, whining and wailing. A small smile stole onto her lips and there she felt it: A little tugging sensation on her mind´s shield. Her eyes snapped up to meet Severus´ penetrating black stare. Did he try in all seriousness to invade her mind? Damn, what was the point of that? Rose cursed inwardly.

Fortunately she had practised like Dumbledore had advised it. The book he had given her was amazing and she´d read it already a second time. And she made progress, actually and to her own surprise it went far better than she had thought so she´d never needed to asked Severus for help. And now, after the first shock, she regained her composure and threw him out, never could she let him see what her feelings for him really looked like. Severus frowned surprised and Rose just cocked an eyebrow and asked with barely restrained anger, “What was that for?”

“Always expect the unexpected,” he answered and averted his gaze back to his essays. He was more than surprised, that Rose had managed to throw him out. Obviously she still practised Occlumency.

Well, this was then not the way to find out why she followed him, again as to say, or what that newfound closeness to Draco was.  He had seen them much too often disappear together and he didn´t like it, no matter if he tried to stay away from Rose or not, that was no invitation for Draco to take his place.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Severus!...What are you doing?

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

“Rose, have you seen it?” Hermione waved a newspaper through the air.

“Hermione, really? I´m coming just this moment back from Snape! What do you think I´m doing there? Reading newspapers?” She was still a bit edgy because of Snape´s attempt to invade her mind. Hermione shot her a nasty look but waited for Rose to fling herself into the armchair next to her.

“Well? What is the news?”

“Death Eaters in Hogsmeade.”

“Impossible.” Rose snatched the newspaper out of Hermione´s hand, her eyes darting over the lines.

“No, there are witnesses,” Hermione pointed at one paragraph of the article.

“I don´t think that even Bellatrix is that stupid. They´re on the run, they won´t just show up in Hogsmeade and go for a Firewhiskey into the Three Broomsticks.” Rose shook her head.

“No, I´m sure that is not what they are here for. But what if she doesn´t want to wait until Snape is ready to deliver you and is just here to get the job done?” Hermione whispered urgently.

“If it is so, she will certainly summon him and in this case I will know.”

“Rose, are you still spying on him?” Hermione asked reproachfully.

“I can´t help it. I need to know how he is…” Rose crumpled the newspaper in her hands.

Hermione gave her a strange look, not only for destroying her Daily Prophet.

“I really don´t understand why you do that…”

Rose shrugged and decided to double check Snape the next days.

***

After another week Severus had enough. He decided to put finally a halt to this unnerving behaviour that even had gotten worse after Rose had chucked him so ungracefully out of her mind and news had spread that Bellatrix and cohorts had been seen near the castle.

Severus needed to know what Rose was up to, especially as he knew her tendency to practically beg for opportunities to show off her stupid Gryffindor bravery and run straight into danger's open arms. And as sure as night comes after day she would never just tell him what she planned, no matter how nice he´d ask. He had to make sure she was safe. Never would he forgive himself when something happened to her. No matter if she hated him again or not, he still couldn´t push his feelings for her away.

Occlumency had been a failure but there were other options, not for nothing was he a Potions Master. One of the few things Bellatrix had observed quite right.  
And there was a range of possibilities to make Rose talkative. Though, Veritaserum was a bit too much he thought, but the little baby brother would do too, and she would nevertheless not be able to hold her thoughts back.

He dripped some of the potion into the tea and just to be sure sprinkled the cookies with it.   
Five minutes later Rose entered with a weary look the study for her Thursday´s Potions tutoring.

"Take a seat,” Severus gestured to the armchairs in front of the fire. "Help yourself to some tea and cookies. I hope you've read the passage about common poisons. I’ll be back in a moment." With that he turned on his heels and went straight out of the room.

Rose stayed frozen to the spot and blinked several times rapidly before she craned her neck for the door and lifted one brow. Snape talked suddenly with her in full sentences again and offered tea and cookies? Wow, either he was sorry for his failed Occlumency attempt or she was dreaming.

On the other hand after his behaviour the last weeks it was quite suspicious…Were they back to a point she had never planned to return to? Had he poisoned the tea, maybe? That would be definitely something hating-her-Snape would do. Give her the task to read about poisons and poison her tea just to look if she would recognise it. Slowly she walked over to the coffee table and sniffed suspiciously on the tea pot. Well, it smelled like normal tea. To be honest the scent was really pleasant: herbs and berries if she wasn’t mistaken.

Eventually Rose sat in one of the armchairs, poured herself a cup of tea and reached for her Potions book.

The proposed “moment” lasted nearly half an hour, but then the door was suddenly banged open and Rose flinched startled as Snape marched in.

"Well then. Back to business.” He grinned devilish. “How is your tea?"

With some not so well hidden panic, Rose choked on her last sip of tea and peered into her cup.

"For Merlin´s sake, it isn't poisoned. Just ordinary tea.” Severus took the chair opposite Rose and filled one cup for himself. With questioning raised eyebrows he held the pot in Rose's direction and refilled her cup.

"Have you tried the cookies? They're not poisoned as well." Severus had to suppress a chuckle as Rose looked horrified from the plate to him and back to the plate. Oh Merlin if she knew.

Rose gasped but regained immediately her composure, “I'm sorry but...Are you feeling well? You´re so different today.”

Severus inclined his head, his eyes unreadable and a sneer on the lips.

"Fabulous, Potter. It couldn't be better. I love to spend my evenings on a regular basis with some arrogantly presumptuous, foolhardy Gryffindor who I am obliged to teach some decent Potions skills, so her career dreams can become true. Not to mention all the extra time for detentions. You really make my days!" he scoffed. Heavens, he knew that it was quite mean, but Rose should by now know his humour and really, he couldn´t resist teasing her, at least it helped him to cope with his nerves. It was harder to suddenly talj again then he'd thought.

“Oh you´re so funny! First you kiss me, than practically ignore me and now you insult me, nice work, sir!” Rose´s nostrils quivered with anger and her eyes blazed more than irritated.

Ok, she took it obviously not as a joke. By Merlin, this was complicated and entirely his own fault.

Severus groaned lowly.

“I´m sorry. Really, Rose. I didn´t mean to insult you and I definitely didn’t mean to hurt you,” he assured quickly and his expression softened considerably.

Not sure what to say, Rose picked her tea up and downed it in one gulp, burning her tongue. What did he think? That it was ok to outlive his personal crisis and after weeks offer her tea and cookies and go straight back to normal? Whatever normal might mean for them… 

Severus watched her intensely. He wished he could be again close to her. He missed their conversations and to be honest he missed that someone cared and worried about him. 

"Severus?" Rose asked into the awkward silence.

"Yes?"

"Why am I here today? Why are you doing that?" Uncomfortable Rose shifted in her chair. She had the bad feeling he was up to something special.

"What am I doing? We´re drinking tea.” Severus shrugged. Though he only drank because he had taken an antidote before he came back.

"Yeah, like some old knitting ladies. Just missing the gossip," Rose muttered.

"So...You're considering yourself a lady?" Snape asked with a sly smile. He leant back in his chair. The potion started to work.

"No I'm considering myself not a lady. I'm just a girl and I thought I am here to strengthen my Potions skills. Instead we are drinking tea and that after weeks in which you simply ignored me and haven´t spoken two full sentences with me.” Rose swallowed, but once started she couldn´t stop anymore. “First you let me in your life, trusts me with personal thoughts and let me think we are close and then you tell me that it´s annoying that I worry about you when you get summoned and come home and look like hell. That you don´t want me to care about you and the next second you kiss me! For heaven´s sake! You can´t kiss me like that and then shove me away, acting as impersonal as you did.” Rose breathed in. Her thoughts were a mess, but she still wasn´t finished yet, “For a moment I really thought you might feel more for me, silly me! Can you imagine how much that hurt?”

Severus looked confused over the edge of his cup, this headed not exactly in the direction he had expected.

“What do you mean?”

“This kiss…I said it didn´t mean anything…That was a lie. But what should I tell you? You apologised and made clear that you acted only out of the moment, without thinking. And then you became all impersonal and stopped talking to me. I didn´t want to show you that I still care so I followed you. I only wanted to make sure you´re ok. But you said you don´t want me to…”

“That is the reason you spied on me? Because you were worried?” Bloody Salazar, he was so damn blind.

“What else?”

“I thought you would do something stupid, especially after the Prophet wrote that Bellatrix had been seen around Hogwarts,” Severus confessed somewhat ashamed.

“What should I do? Go to her and try to finish her off?” Rose scoffed.

“Yes, because that is exactly what you do.”

Rose looked at him, considered him a moment. Her green eyes were sad and her voice only a whisper as she finally asked, “Why did you kiss me?”

Severus clenched his jaw. He couldn´t answer. If he now opened his mouth he would tell her everything and he mustn´t.

“Maybe it doesn´t matter anyway.” Tears started to hood her vision. “I´m so stupid. For a moment I really thought you would feel the same. That in all the weeks we´ve spent together you started to care for me more than your duties demand. But I´m just your student, right? I´m just the daughter of the man you hated all your life. How could you ever feel the same?” Angrily Rose wiped over her eyes. She would not cry.

“Rose, what are you talking about?” Severus asked nervously, a bad feeling started to spread through his body. He definitely had messed this up more than he´d first assumed.

“And there I thought you´re so clever,” Rose huffed and Severus' unease doubled.  “I can´t stop thinking about you. You´re all over my thoughts, every day and every night. Your damn fathomless, black eyes, your silly dark and mysterious attitude, your smooth voice and how sexy you are when you brew. I´m hopelessly in love with you for months now and I never wanted you to know because I feared that at some point Bellatrix might learn about it and use it for her advantage! And that I loose...” Rose slapped her hands over her mouth, stopping the words from pouring out. Her eyes widened in shock. Why had she told him?

Severus sat there in the armchair opposite her and looked as shocked as Rose, his cup halfway up to his mouth he only stared at her.

In horror, Rose shot up, grabbed her things and fled.

She ran along the corridors. There was no way she’d go back to the common room. What should she say to explain why she was so out of her mind? No, no. Not good. Without paying attention where she went, she found herself on the seventh floor. Right. Room of Requirement. Exactly what she needed now.

***

Only when he felt the breeze from the still open door, Severus began to think again. First of all he went over and closed the door. Then he turned and looked confused to the chair Rose had sat in.

Rose loved him? Oh Merlin, no! What had he done? She would hate him when she found out why she had told him.

Closing his eyes with a pained expression, he raked his hands through his hair, pulling some strands roughly before he growled frustrated.

Like always when he needed time to think and sort things out, he started brewing, but only a few moments into his preparations he knew that today it would have no effect.

His thoughts always travelled back to certain moments from the last months. Rose blindfolded. Full pink lips slightly parted. The naked skin of her arms and legs. How she had embraced him one day, clung to him and refused to let him step away. The kiss on Halloween, how right it had felt. But then again, Rose: bloody and tortured. Her sparkling green eyes broken and empty and Bellatrix standing above her cackling an insane laughter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From bad to worse, Severus really has a knack for it.

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

The next morning came much too soon and with it the memories of the last evening. Rose had come back after midnight and fortunately Hermione had not waited for her. Without bothering to change she´d fallen face down onto her bed.  
Now sunlight brightened the dorm and Hermione perched over her.

"Hey Rose. You're all right? You look like hell. When did you come back? I stayed awake till midnight but you were not back by then."

Rose groaned. Today was Friday what for itself normally was not so bad. But last night had been full moon, so Snape took over the DADA lessons until Remus was back. What meant double lessons Snape, lunch and again Snape for three long hours. That was nothing she could stand today, not after yesterday evening. Why the hell had she just told him? After months of secrecy?

Hermione furrowed her brows. "Are you sick?"

Deciding swiftly, Rose nodded and groaned again slightly. She couldn´t talk with Hermione about it, not yet.

“I don´t know what it is…I´m just not entirely well. Maybe I get the flu or something. I guess it´s best to stay simply in bed.”

Hermione looked her up and down, suspiciously.

“Well, ok…But I think you should go and see Madam Pomfrey she could give you something and you´ll be fit in a blink.”

“What? No…It is not that bad. Just one day off and I´m fine.”

Hermione was not content with this but knew better than to push any further.

In Defence she told Snape Rose was not well and to her utter surprise, he said nothing, absolutely nothing about it. He only nodded and made some note into his lessons book. Now Hermione was sure that something had happened between them and she was determined to find out what it was.

After Rose had not turned up to lunch, Hermione looked after her but found her sound asleep. So she left swiftly for Potions.

Once again Snape noted wordless Rose´s absence.

Hermione was by this time more than curious what was wrong. Something had happened last evening, no doubt. Draco asked if Rose was ok, but Hermione just shrugged and told him she was sure it was nothing serious.

Before dinner she visited Rose again and asked bluntly, “What happened yesterday with Snape?”

“What? Why?” Rose couldn´t help feeling caught.

“Snape was really strange today. He just nodded and wrote down that you were not there, twice. Not one single word about it. And your sickness….strange coincidence, don´t you think?”

“I don´t know what you mean. By the way, I´m feeling much better…Dinner?” Rose asked and jumped out of bed.

Down in the Great Hall Draco came over to the Gryffindor table. He laid his hand softly on Rose´s shoulder as he bent down.

“Hey! How are you? What was wrong?”

“I´m fine. Felt just a bit unwell this morning.”

“Hm, ok. But now you´re better?” Draco eyed her shepherd´s pie. Rose nodded enthusiastically and then Snape strode into the Great Hall. Rose´s appetite subsided immediately. She mumbled something of things she had to do and disappeared before neither Draco nor Hermione could say anything.

***

Sighing, Hermione dropped beside Rose onto the mattress.

“Really Rose, what´s wrong with you? And don´t come around with nothing. Your behaviour today is weird, you know?”

Rose looked up at her best friend, considering her answer. Hermione gave her a questioning look and eventually Rose settled with the truth.

“I…I don´t know why, but I told him.” Rose pulled her blanket up to her chin and leant her forehead on her knees so she had not to look at Hermione.

“Ok, what have you told whom?”

“Severus. I told him everything,” Rose groaned desperately.

“You mean every, everything? Oh Rose,” Hermione said and embraced her crying friend. “What did he say?”

“N-N-Nothing.” Rose sniffed. “I ran away before he could say anything, but you should´ve seen his face…Oh Merlin, he hates me.”

“I don´t think he hates you because you have feelings for him. Speak with him.”

“No, I can´t…”

“Tomorrow you have the whole day, go to him.”

“No one can force me. It´s no obligatory lesson.”

Hermione sighed. Trying to force Rose into something was impossible and in this case not her duty.

***

The next morning came much too fast and alone the thought to spend her whole Saturday with Severus made Rose shudder. She would not go like she´d already said the evening before to Hermione. It was simple as that. She needed time to organise her thoughts. Next week was early enough to see him again.

Her Quidditch team was more than delighted to have her there and discuss strategies in a place Snape couldn´t interfere. Hermione eyed her warily but kept her mouth shut, what was definitely better than her imitating McGonagall.

One hour after the usual beginning of her tutoring, Rose sat comfortably in front of the fire and watched Ron and Neville playing chess. Hermione sat in the furthest corner doing homework. The portrait of the Fat Lady opened and suddenly every conversation and laughter died away. Rose turned to watch what the reason was and froze, momentarily too shocked to even think. Her heartbeat quickened considerably and even more as she saw the unmistakable anger in the baleful, dark, frightening storm cloud personified in Severus Snape. To her utmost dread he had discovered her. Rose gulped and looked horrified to Ron who gave her a sympathetic look, the first in weeks. Hermione peered only over her books, waiting. Severus said no word as he stalked through the room. He grabbed Rose´s upper arm in a vice-like grip and pulled her off the chair, through the room and out of sight.

Too shell shocked to protest, she let him drag her through the whole castle, past loads of curious faces. Once down in his study, he let go off her so suddenly that she stumbled and then Rose awaited the outburst.

***

Severus´ night after the truth-serum-debacle had been horrible. Though Bellatrix didn´t call him anymore every day, sleep was still nothing he could achieve regularly.

Through the entire night, Severus had seen different versions of Rose´s death and every time Bellatrix stood above her, cackled and thanked him for his loyalty. It caused him nausea that resulted finally in throwing up in the early morning. Tired, weak and exhausted, he lay sprawled out on the stone floor of his bathroom and let the cold seep into him. What was this bloody hell he called his life?

After years of solitude he´d found finally a person he loved. Who loved him in return, but it couldn´t be because reduced to the very core of the truth, he was her enemy. He could be the reason for her death and likewise.

Severus laughed bitterly. 

If Bellatrix one day found out about his feelings for the girl, she would kill him. Or – and this thought made him sick again, even more than before – Bellatrix would use him as a bait to coax Rose out to rescue him. Silly, little, brave and noble Rose who always tried to rescue the people she loved.

And that was what she had said yesterday. What he had made her confess.

His heart thrummed wildly in his chest. Rose loved him.

Never before had a woman called him sexy. And he was sure that never before someone had claimed to love him. Not even his own mother had ever managed to bring those words past her lips.

Why couldn´t he be someone else? Someone who was able to tell Rose how much she meant to him.

Severus groaned and pressed his face into the cold floor.

It didn’t matter.  Rose had to stay safe and therefore he had to cage his feelings.

They both had to go on. It was the only possibility and at some point her feelings would cease and she would find someone else.

Miserable he dragged himself into the shower for a brief clean-up before he stalked to his first class. He was less irritated than the last weeks, though a whole lot more heartbroken.

Severus was not surprised at all that Rose didn´t show up either in Defence or in Potions. Uncharacteristically for him, he conceded her this little timeout and settled this time with wordless acknowledgement.

But she also didn't appear to their extra lessons on Saturday.

He waited 15 minutes. Then he started pacing up and down in his study. After 30 minutes Bellatrix got in touch again. Severus ignored her and the pain as best as possible. After 45 minutes, anger that not belonged to him rushed through his in pain aching body. Bellatrix was furious and this fury, he felt through this damned connection she had established. It was dark, dark magic she experimented with, though it claimed its toll. The more of her own magic Bellatrix invested into this kind of magic the less powerful she became. It was the only positive effect in Severus' eyes. Maybe it meant she would sooner or later leave him be. But now her anger nearly overwhelmed him and he cursed vilely to relief himself of some part of the emotion.

With brutal force he opened his mind, reached out and established a mental link to Bellatrix. It had nothing in common with the delicate art of Legilimency and it was exhausting. Though not as much as it should be what only could mean Bellatrix was closer than Severus liked her to be. For all he knew, she truly roamed Hogwarts surroundings and waited for her chance.

With a frustrated growl, that sounded hollow through his study, he sent the detested woman a picture of Rose smiling up at him, reaching out to touch his arm. Hopefully she understood that he made progress and was better not to be disturbed at the moment.

And obviously she got it. A moment later Bellatrix stopped summoning him, though her wild emotions rushed still through him, hazed his mind.

Anyway, he had waited long enough and went for Rose now. All the way he raged, unable to separate his own emotions from Bellatrix´. Everyone crossing his way hopped aside. Some little first year girls shrieked in panic as he stormed through their small group. He couldn´t recall what exactly he barked as the Fat Lady denied him entrance. But eventually she flinched away as he wouldn´t stop yelling and opened to reveal the passage to the Gryffindor common room. Still fuming, he entered. His gaze roamed over the assemblage of baffled and frightened faced until he spotted Rose by the fireplace. Without any word he grabbed and dragged her all the way to his office. He pushed her more forceful than actually needed inside and spun her to face him. His anger vanished alongside Bellatrix´ as if someone had opened the drain. Rose looked not only close to tears but also immensely frightened. Severus pulled his hand jerkily away as if the touch burnt him.

After a brief steadying breath to calm himself, he said, “Page 322. Read.”

He strode past Rose and sat behind his desk, trying to concentrate on the essays right in front of him. If she really was clever, it would strike her that her tea was poisoned after all, kind of. That it was entirely his fault. He needed her to hate him again and telling her was obviously the easiest way.

“Finished,” Rose said hushed about 15 minutes later. Never had she seen Severus this furious. Angry, yes. But never like this. It was beyond frightening.

Severus lifted his head.

“Well?”

“The text described different kinds of truth potions. The strongest of them is the Veritaserum, where you spill everything without any barrier unless you are a strong Occlumens.” She briefly looked up at him as if she wanted to say something further but inverted her gaze without doing so. “Then there were some others which varied in their range of sufficiency.  The last one was the least potent serum which characteristic scent and flavour of berries makes it easy to identify when applied to any kind of liquid and...Berries?” Rose´s eyes snapped up locking with Snape´s as she finally realised what she´d read and then said. “Berries. That´s why…You...You put something of it in the tea!” she screamed, her thoughts running wild. Without reflecting, she drew her wand and directed it against her professor.

Severus sat behind his desk, unmoving. Then, to Rose´s utter surprise, he held up his hands, wandless, palms showing towards her.

“I can explain. It never occurred to me that you would tell something like you did. I never thought you cared so much because you had feelings for me.”

Severus watched her serious and without any sign of sneer, smirk, sarcasm or other kind of his usual offending behaviour.

Rose hesitated. Most likely it wouldn´t hurt to hear him out. This was the man she loved, after all. In a mere second long daydream she hoped against hope he would return her feelings, but this bubble burst as soon as he spoke again and didn´t use her first name.

“Your behaviour was odd, Potter. Not only that you obviously forgot how to behave yourself. You followed me, spied on me and that not even secretly but blatantly obvious. I concluded you were about to bring yourself in any kind of trouble, again. Trouble as it is that I would have to pay for.” Oh and he would pay for all of this, sooner or later.

“You had no right!” Rose sobbed, angry with herself for not holding back these tears. “This ‘matter’ is even without your doing unbearable difficult. I hated you for years and then suddenly my whole world turned upside down. I´m so afraid that Bellatrix will kill you. I never wanted you to know that I've fallen in love with you. I´ve planned to endure it. To just cherish the way we could act around each other. To cling to your openness and occasional touches. But then you kissed me just to reject me afterwards in the most derogatory way. I trusted you, Severus! But you, you abused this trust and just stole my confession from me instead of asking, just asking what I am up to, in your opinion.” Rose cried now openly. Tears streamed in a steady flow down her cheeks. “You know how this feels? Like rape! You raped me, Severus Snape!” Her whole body shook with the force of her emotions.

Severus was not able to say anything. Her accusation, that his use of the truth serum was rape, hit him, more than he was prone to admit. As he kept silent, Rose turned and left devastated.

Severus stayed behind and didn´t move. He closed his eyes. He should have said something. He should have told her of his own feelings nonetheless . Of his own fears. But now Rose was gone, probably forever.


	17. Chapter 17

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

A knock on his door made him stop reading.

“Come in,” Remus announced, laying the book aside.

As the door swung open and he recognised Rose, he started smiling, but it died halfway to his lips. She looked horrible with red eyes and tear-stricken face, trembling softly as an anguished sound left her throat.

“Remus,” she sobbed and ran into his arms, throwing herself against him and curled up in his lap in a sobbing, shaking mess.

“Oh, darling! What's wrong?” he asked and stroked gently over Rose´s back.

“S-S-Snape,” she stuttered between sobs.

Remus closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He had feared all the time that extra lessons in Potions were one of Dumbledore´s less brilliant ideas, no matter how improved Rose´s and Snape’s relationship had looked like the past months.

“What has he done?”

“He...he....Oh Remus...I love him...”

It was difficult to understand her properly through her sobs and with her face pressed firmly into his chest, but he really must have misheard her.

“Calm down, darling. And then start again,” he said.

Rose inhaled repeatedly before she said a second time, “I’m in love with him.”

“You're not!” Remus sounded shocked. He pushed her as far away as possible without throwing her from his lap and gazed at her with compassionate, sad eyes.

“I am and he knows,” Rose sobbed again, hanging her head low.

Remus sighed and briefly tugged Rose against his chest again before he stood up. He filled two cups with tea and settled on the sofa with her, this time next to her, and held her hand whilst she told him the whole story. Beginning with the school year before, how furious Severus had been as she had looked into his Pensive, seeing his past and how after that she couldn't bring herself to really hate him anymore. She told Remus about her rising crush, how close they got, of the kiss – here Remus stopped her briefly and asked incredulously, “He kissed you?” Rose only nodded and went on how they´d slowly returned to Severus acting like shit and of her not so professional stalking because she was worried sick about him and as a result how he slipped her truth serum. And finally about him dragging her from Gryffindor tower the whole way through the castle just to let her find out what he had done to her.

As she had finished, she felt exhausted. As did Remus, it was after all only shortly after the transformation and even with the Wolfsbane Potion to dampen the experience, full moon was a terrible time once a month.

“What am I to do now?” Rose´s eyes were huge as she looked up at Remus like a frightened puppy.

Remus exhaled slowly, rubbing the nape of his neck.

“I don't know. I´m sorry. I have no advice for you. But most important, anyway? Don't tell Sirius. He strangles Severus and that would be only the best possible outcome.”

Rose only nodded. This whole issue was bizarre. But her furious godfather was the last she needed in addition and to make things only worse.

Remus shook his head and then tugged Rose into his arms again, held her close and stroked her back in soothing motions until she started to relax. Not long later she was curled up beside him and fast asleep, too exhausted from her own emotions.

Cautiously Remus stood and descended to the dungeons.

***

A sharp knock stopped Severus´ train of thoughts abruptly. He tore his gaze apart from the flickering flames in front of him.

“Yes?” he called, turning towards the door, a surprised look on his face to see Remus enter.

“Professor Lupin…” he remarked with his old snide firmly back in place.

“Save it!” Remus replied chilly.

Severus arched an eyebrow.

“Rose came to me. Terribly upset. She told me what happened,” Remus stated, narrowing his eyes. “Really? Kissing her? She´s only a kid, Severus. You´re as old as her father would be! And truth serum? I could bring charges against you for that. You had no good reason!” His words were accompanied by a faint growl that showed a glimpse of the dangerous beast inside the otherwise mild-mannered man.

“I thought she´d be in danger!” Severus snapped. “And I am sorry! But I can't undo it, can I?"

“Danger?” Remus asked suspiciously. Rose had all her life been in danger, so how imminent had it seemed to a danger-experienced man like Severus to rectify his actions?

“You know her. Indifferent what danger, she´s like a magnet for it. She was every time overly upset when I was  called. I feared she might seek out Bellatrix on her own.” Severus´ sure voice quavered to the end of his sentence and he furrowed his brow in distress.

"You…You care for her! You were actually afraid she might get hurt.” Remus slapped himself inwardly, how could he not have seen it?

“Bellatrix would kill her. Slow and painful.” Severus felt worn and just now Bellatrix demanded his presence again. Certainly for a situation report. Gritting his teeth, he clamped his hand around his aching left arm.

“What are you planning to do now?" Remus inquired, crossed his arms and regarded Severus with a long scrutinizing gaze.

"Nothing! What are you implying? I'll teach her this damned extra lessons and we'll talk never again about this issue. She will come over it."

Remus pursed his lips.

"And you, Severus? Will you come over it to lose her? Like Lily?"

Severus growled, both in pain and fury.

“Don´t you dare talk about Lily!”

He groaned. Bellatrix was impatient. “Listen, I need to go…My daily report for my dearest torturer is due.” 

Remus left without a further word and made his way back to his office. He was not sure what was more disturbing, Rose in love with Snape or seeing Snape this troubled. He had tried to hide it, but today he had no perfect control over his face and it was clear. So clear that not only Rose was in love.

***

Bellatrix was not amused that Severus came without Rose, as she had anticipated after his message, but then for the first time she dismissed him without using a single curse against him. She told him she had an idea but needed time to work it out completely. However, she expected weekly reports about Dumbledore and how things progressed with Rose, therefore she would let him know when it suited her best.

Back at the castle Severus retreated to his study. He poured himself a double Scotch, undeterred that it was only noon, and collapsed onto the couch.

Bellatrix worked on a plan…Severus shook his head. Whatever that meant, Rose had to be cautious.

Rose…

Obviously he was not the only one with a broken heart. He had been so blind. How had he not seen it? Looking back, it made perfectly sense. Her behaviour, her touches, her worrying about him.

And now she accused him of violation.

Oh damn, he had to speak with her and tell her the truth. The whole truth why he´d been such an asshole the last weeks. Because if he liked it or not, Remus was right, he couldn´t lose her. He felt already too deeply to let her go completely.

***

Rose hid in the girl´s dormitory over the whole weekend. She didn´t want to see anyone. Only Hermione came up to her and brought her food what she rejected, though. She was not hungry. Rose had told Hermione what had happened after Snape had dragged her away. It was not often that Hermione was speechless, but now she found no words.

And then too fast for Rose´s liking but unstoppable, the new week started, gladly it was the last week before the Christmas holidays.

In a last minute decision Rose skipped her extra lesson with Snape and went instead to bed. This time he didn´t come to drag her through the castle. Rose was nonetheless nervous as she entered  the Potions dungeon on Wednesday morning.

Draco squeezed reassuringly her hand. Rose had Hermione allowed to tell him, so he was in the picture. The three friends sat down and waited. Five minutes after the official start of the class Snape walked out of the storage room and sat one tiny vial in front of his desk.

“Who knows what this is?” he asked and looked around the class.

Hesitatingly Hermione lifted her hand and surprisingly Snape looked like he tried to hide a smile.

“Yes, Miss Granger?”

“It´s Felix Felicis. It´s also called liquid luck because it makes the drinker successful in whatever he attempts to do.”

Severus nodded

“Anything else, Miss Granger?” He knew only too well that it was useless to bother with another student. Granger was like an encyclopaedia, he doubted there was much the girl didn´t know.

“Er…The effect lasts only a certain period of time before it wears off and if you overuse it, it causes giddiness, reckless behaviour and dangerous confidence. Besides that, it´s highly toxic in large quantities. And it has to stew for six months before you can use it,” Hermione listed.

“Right. Anything forgotten?” By now the students traded curious looks, something was wrong with their Potions Master.

Hermione looked mildly surprised to Rose and Draco before she added, “Felix Felicis is forbidden in competitions, like Quidditch for example.”

“Good…” Snape narrowed his eyes as he gazed at Hermione, “10 points for Gryffindor.”

Dead silence filled the room. Snape gave points to another house?

It was the moment Rose looked finally up, but just now Severus turned away and held the vial up, showing it to the class.

“This little vial can provide one perfect day for one of you.” He made a dramatic pause. “All I want from you is to surprise me. For Friday you prepare your own potion recipe. You don´t need to brew it, I can tell you without that if it would work or not. You can work in groups of maximum three or alone. The most innovative idea wins the Felix Felicis.”

Anthony Goldstein lifted his hand.

“If we work alone, one could get the potion, what is with groups?”

“I have three vials, that’s why the group´s maximum is three students,” Snape explained calmly.

Rose, Draco and Hermione exchanged a look. No question they would work together.

“You may begin now.” Snape pocketed the vial and leant with crossed arms against his desk. He knew that loads of new gossip would spread now, but he was far too nervous today to find his inner bastard to enjoy bullying these annoying dunderheads.

He let a few minutes pass by before he approached the first row. He leant down and ignored Draco as well as Hermione.

“Rose? Can I talk to you after the lesson?” Rose just looked further down on the parchment in front of her, so he added softly, “Please!” That triggered her attention and she lifted her head, looking at him sternly.

“Ok. You have two minutes,” Rose answered tersely.

And so she stayed on her chair as the rest of the class left after the lesson.

Severus closed the door by hand as it helped him to compose his thoughts before he sat beside Rose.

“Rose, I´m sorry. For all what I did to you,” he started and glanced at her helplessly in need for words to express himself properly.

“Your time is running,” Rose said coldly.

“By Merlin, Rose, I know I am not particularly good but I am not that bad. I wanted the truth because I was afraid you would go after Bellatrix on your own. I was afraid to lose you.”

Something softer appeared in Rose´s eyes. Severus took her hand and to his surprise she let him. Though she looked intently at him as if searching for something only she knew what.

Severus  squeezed her hand. “You mean so much to me. I have never before been so happy to spend time with someone. You simply crashed into the privacy of my life and took my heart. I was not even able to stop you. I hadn´t planned to let you come so close, Rose. And I haven´t wanted to acknowledge my feelings for the same reason you never wanted me to know. But I can´t help it. I have those feelings for you. Rose...”

Confused, Rose stared at Severus and then with a sob she jumped up and paced up and down between the desks.

“Why do you say something like that?”

Severus stood up too and stopped her from walking. He took her face into his hands.

“Because I mean it. Because it´s true,” he whispered. “Rose, I couldn´t let it happen. I tried so hard to deny it, to supress it. I wanted you close to me, but I told myself it was just because I saw you as a friend, a person I could trust and share things with which I can´t share with aynone else. To admit my feelings to you scares me beyond everything. Admitting it makes it real. And only what is real is a threat for your safety. Gods Rose, Bellatrix plans to kill you. And she will kill me too if she learns about my betrayal. She will use everything to get to you and if this means to use our feelings for each other to her advantage she will do so. Who in her position wouldn´t?”

Rose sobbed harder as the first tears fell from her eyes.

“I don´t understand it. I thought you trust me, but not enough to tell me of your feelings?”

“I tried so hard to keep you safe and I know that I made a terrible mistake to push you away after I kissed you, but I was terrified and…I thought that a young, beautiful woman like you could never love someone like me.” It hurt Severus almost bodily to see Rose again crying because of him. Cautiously he wrapped her in his arms and as she didn´t protest held her until she stopped crying.

With teary eyes she looked up at him.

“You love me?” Rose asked in a small voice. That was what he had said without really voicing it, wasn´t it?

“I do. Blimey Rose, I love you so much it makes me mad,” he said and cupped her face in his hands again, stroking his thumbs over her cheeks and then bent down to capture her lips in a soft kiss.

Rose´s eyes fluttered shut and she was surprised how careful Severus was and how soft his lips felt. This kiss was worlds apart from the wild and arousing kiss they´d shared the first time and Rose couldn´t find it in her to stop or reject him, no matter how much he had hurt her.

As Severus parted from her, he touched their foreheads together, softly nudging his nose against hers.

“I wished I had never tried to make you admit your thoughts,” Severus breathed, releasing her face as his hands fell to his sides.

“Why?” Rose took a step away, alarmed.

“Rose, this here can´t happen. We can´t be together. I need you to understand this.” Mentally Severus counted from three down. Waited for Rose´s breakout, that was surely to come.

“Oh god…you do it again, right? You let me in just to push me away.” Rose felt again tears constricting her throat but this time because she was so angry, with him and with herself too. “You can´t just say that you love me and kiss me, only to tell me that we need, what? Keep our distance? Because it´s so damn dangerous? A bloody nonsense it is!”

“Please, Rose…”

“No! Fuck you, Severus!” Rose shouted and rushed half blind with tears out of the room only to run straight into Draco and Hermione who had waited outside in the corridor.

“Are you ok?” Hermione asked, gauging her cautiously.

“Splendid!” Rose snapped and stormed away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It could have been so nice...Bad Severus. Evil Severus. Boo!  
> Can you forgive him?


	18. Chapter 18

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Severus´ bad mood was back. Oh and how it was, even his colleagues tip-toed around him. The only one unfazed as always was Dumbledore, but unusual for him he said nothing to the younger man´s unseemly fits of emotional outbreaks, mostly directed against his students. More than once one could see someone crying after leaving the dungeons or crossing Snape´s path by accident.

But Severus couldn't help it. What should he do with Rose? How could he be with her without risking her life? And how for Salazar´s sake could he stop thinking about her? All day long he thought about Rose and in the night he dreamed of her. If Bellatrix would call him now, he was not sure how good he could shield his mind.

He could virtually taste the next approaching outbreak on his tongue already. Heavy and oppressing like a storm, it descended balefully and promised to swallow him up. The more urgent the feeling became the more Severus tried to rein his temper, to buffer the disaster.

On Friday afternoon, Severus sat already behind his desk with the best intentions to be calm and as nice as possible as the students slowly filled the room. Everyone was anxious if he would strike out at them and glanced warily to the front of the class.

Severus´ stomach contracted as Rose came in. Without looking at him, she took her seat in the front row, what was unfortunately right in front of him. He couldn´t fail to notice how extraordinary beautiful she was today, with her black, curly hair tied loosely back. Stopping himself from staring, he rose and addressed the class, “I hope you worked hard for your recipe. You have now another hour before you hand me your parchments in.”

The class was surprised at this obvious mood shift of their professor.

During the given hour, Severus prowled around the classroom, peered over shoulders and left comments on the written contents of recipe ideas. The last students he approached were the ones in the first row where Rose sat.

He had to admit that he hadn´t contemplated it properly beforehand as he stepped behind her, much too close. He could feel her body warmth radiate from her. Severus leant down and looked over Rose´s shoulder. She inched back from him, even though only slightly. Her hair smelled like always and Severus closed briefly his eyes, inhaling the fresh scent of herbs and lavender.

Rose turned her head and looked up, their faces were much too close and it looked probably by far too intimate.

“Yes?” she asked pointedly.

Composing himself and shifting slightly away, he gazed at her.

“You stay after the lesson.” Unlike Wednesday this was no request.

“If you say so.” Rose shrugged, twitching one eyebrow in a haughty manner.

“Don´t you dare,” Severus growled lowly, anger and desire dazing his mind. He was too close, really he shouldn´t stand so close to Rose.

Rose felt a shudder crawl down her spine and the same moment Severus´ hand around her arm. He hauled her up from her chair and dragged her in a strangely familiar déjà vu into the side room. He banged the door shut with so much force that several glass bottles rattled and trembled peculiarly, while the more than befuddled class was left behind on the other side of the door. With a rough push, Severus brought Rose up against the wall, bracing himself on both sides next to her head and before contemplating what he did, kissed her rough and fierce. Rose moaned lowly and Severus snapped back into thinking.

“No, no, no!” He rubbed over his face, taking a measured step away. “I can´t do this…Though obviously I can´t think in your proximity.”

“Don´t you dare! You can´t do this to me! Not again and again!” Rose shouted. She became louder with every word and cared not a fig about getting overheard by her classmates.

With a loud, startling slap, Severus hit the wall next to Rose´s face and turned away from her.

“Then tell me what you think I should do!” Severus hissed through clenched teeth.

Agonized Rose looked at the back of his head.

“Severus, please…” she began gently.

“No! Why can´t you just agree with me?” he asked with a pained expression.

“And then what? You think it just gets back to normal? That we can just forget about it without breaking our hearts even more? Or simply wait until every Death Eater is captured and then live happily ever after?” Her voice grew louder again.

“Hush! Be quieter!” Severus said with pleading eyes, but Rose was beyond caring.

“For what? I can´t give you what you want and obviously you not what I want. So leave me alone, will you?” She stormed past him.

“Come back here at once!” he barked but Rose was already through the classroom. “Rose! You go nowhere if I don´t say so!” With a flick of his wand he closed the door. Rose turned around, glaring furiously at him. The petrified students just gawped at the two of them.

“Let. Me. Out. Or I´ll tell everyone what you´ve done!” She used the only thing against him she currently had, the truth potion.

“Oh clever!” Severus smirked threatening. “Then go on! By all means, tell them!”

It felt like an eternity that they stared at each other. In this time Hermione and Draco came over. Hermione took Rose´s arm. “Stop it, please,” she whispered.

Draco grabbed Snape´s shoulder.

“I think it´s enough. Before you do something you´ll regret.”

Severus jerked his shoulder free.

“OUT! All of you! Back off!” he shouted flaming mad.  And that was it. The students fled through the now again unlocked door. All but Rose, Hermione and Draco.

“Are you hard of hearing?”

Draco and Hermione crept to the door but Rose didn´t move.

“Rose….” Hermione begged.

“No. You go alone.”

Draco shrugged and pushed Hermione out into the corridor. Rose looked at them and closed the door then turned and faced Severus again. All her anger was gone, leaving only the ashen taste of despair behind.

“Talk to me.” Her voice was soft now, pleading.

“You deserve more than detention for this behaviour,” Severus seethed.

Rose crossed slowly the distance between them until she stood right in front of him, crowding his personal space. She had to bend her head back to look him properly in the eyes, but she didn´t step back.

Defeated, Severus slumped onto the nearest chair.

“What are you doing to me?”

“I don´t know what you mean. I do nothing.”

“Yes. Maybe that´s it,” he whispered.

“What?”

“Leave it be.” Severus shook his head, so much more tired than he had ever felt before.

“No, no, no, no, no. Speak with me.” Rose extended her hand as if to touch him but faltered shortly before doing so.

“I don´t know what I should tell you.”

“What do I do to you?”

Without a word he took her still hovering hand and pulled her closer. She stood now between his legs and gazed down at him. Her heartbeat was fast and loud in her head.

“Rose you´re like anchored in my mind. I can´t stop thinking of you and it makes me mad. The closer you are the less I can think clearly and my thoughts are no safe place, not with Bellatrix constantly poking at it.” He stopped unsure what else he could say. He still held her hand, caressed it´s back with his thumb. “I desperately want to be with you, but I can´t. It´s not possible. I beg you, to forget me. Please. Please go.”

Rose swallowed hard as she actually saw tears in Severus´ eyes.

“Are you telling me that I have to stop loving you? And then what? Find someone else? Do you think it's that easy?”

Severus looked her in the eye and sighed, one tear rolled down his face, making Rose´s heart shatter into myriads of tiny shards.

“No.” Rose shook her head. “No. I won´t let you do this.”

“I know, that´s why I don´t leave you with a choice,” Severus said with trembling voice. Letting go of Rose´s hand, he stood up and left the room.

“Coward!” Rose screamed. “You fucking coward!”

***

“I won´t do it anymore, Albus! I´m done!” Severus burst into the Headmaster´s office and disturbed a meeting with Minister Fudge, the head of the Auror Department Rufus Scrimgeour and their fellow Order member and Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Exhaling forcefully, Severus closed his eyes and shook his head. His hand found purchase on the closest bookshelf as his mental exhaustion caught up with him and he swayed in a sudden wave of dizziness.

“Gentlemen, I think we should use this disruption to stop for now. This way or another, we won´t find a solution today. I´ll get in touch with you,” Dumbledore said friendly but unmistakeably dismissive. As his three guests had left, he turned his attention to his obviously upset Potions Master, rising to lend him a helping hand, but Severus had already straightened himself.

“Severus, what happened?” Dumbledore asked and gestured for the other man to sit down. Severus did but jumped immediately up again, pacing restlessly around the room.

“You have to find another spy. I quit.” Severus halted a moment to gaze at Dumbledore before he moved on.

“How come?” Dumbledore asked mostly unconcerned but cautiously.

“You really need to ask that?” Snape spat. “Did you risk only once a proper look the last months? Do you really see our situation? I´m sick and tired of risking my life for everyone with nothing in return! How often must I come back bloody and half death, endure endless hours of pain and humiliation for nothing? Where is your great plan, Albus? Do you have even one? Or are you simply waiting what happens or until you have an epiphany?” Now that all his rage poured out of him and his composure and mask of self-control cracked his hands started trembling violently. “You see that? You see that?” he bellowed, worked himself further up into a frenzy as he held his hands up for Dumbledore to see.

Albus paled and rushed to his friend. Carefully he took one hand into his and examined it.

“Why haven´t you told me your condition is that bad?” he asked mildly accusing, but his eyes looked sadly at Severus whose emotional breakdown seemed to abate, as all rage bled out of him in a long, desperate sigh.

“Would it have changed anything?” Severus asked weary and pulled his hand away. “Not that I could do anything against Bellatrix and her mad experiments. It´s not her calls and her frustration. I wished it were. I could take my potions against the aftereffects of the curses, but I can´t take anything against her tempering with the Mark.” Severus looked down on his shaking hands. “What shall I do with these useless appendages? It´s already now hard to control the trembling, just a bit more and I´m not able to brew anymore or dress myself and for what? Bellatrix is free and roams Hogsmeade and its surrounding area and Rose is still not safe.”

“Rose…yes.  She´s the reason you said nothing and went on and on like before.” It was no question and Dumbledore considered Severus with a long and thorough gaze.

“I would do anything for her.” Severus looked at his mentor, a man he´d trusted most of his lifetime and the second time for today he felt tears threatening to fall. Breathing deliberately controlled in and out, he willed them away, but his voice quivered nonetheless as he whispered, “I love her.”

“Yes,” it was all Dumbledore said as he nodded his understanding.

“It´s all your fault. You wanted me to get closer to her, be nicer and care. See what I gained?” Severus wrapped his arms around his body, feeling cold and miserable. He slumped against the closest surface and sobbed raggedly.

“I´m sorry you feel like this. Love shouldn´t do that to you,” Dumbledore said softly, with a compassionate smile. But knowing Severus all too well, he kept his distance and didn´t try to comfort him beyond words.

After long minutes of silence, in which Fawkes rustled occasionally with his feathers as if feeling unwell too, Severus straightened. His face shifted into an expression of determined acceptance.

“As I said, I won´t do it anymore and the next time Bellatrix summons me I will inform her as well,” Severus said, head held high and shoulders squared.

Dumbledore´s eyes widened a fraction as he hurriedly composed his anxious surprise.

“Severus, don´t rush decisions. Consider your options. I beg you.”

Severus´ gaze was unwavering and determined as he looked in Dumbledore´s piercing blue eyes.

“I did already,” he said and turned to leave.

“Severus.” The old man called after him, his voice laced with increasing distress. “Severus! She will kill you.”

But Severus didn´t look back and the closing door muted Dumbledore´s desperate plea to come back


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it! This is the last chapter of part two.  
> Here it is a lovely day, cloudless, warm, birds chirping...I feel a bit bad to give you no fluffy, sweet and cuddly end but instead the following.
> 
> The chapter will be mostly a torture scene. So if you don´t want to read that, please stop after: ***

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

The empty bottle of Firewhiskey dangled still from his hand as Severus hissed in pain. He squeezed his already closed eyes even harder shut.

Merlin, not now! As much as he wanted to confront Bellatrix, right now was the worst of all possible moments. Clumsily Severus straightened in the armchair he had slouched in. The bottle clanked to the floor and rolled out of sight. With a few deep breaths, he tried to compose himself but knew it was a lost point. He was much too drunk to compose anything. The room turned and twisted around him while he gazed to his ingredients cupboard and tried to remember if he had some sobering potion at hand. He dismissed the thought as Bellatrix activated the Dark Mark again and sent a searing pain through his body accompanied by impatient anger.

Severus came to his feet, staggering dangerously, and started the long and tedious way through the castle. All the time he slid one hand across the wall to steady his uneven, stumbling walk. He was drenched in sweat as he finally managed to reach the portal. His robes stuck uncomfortable to his overheated skin and the icy wind that tugged on him as soon as he stepped outside only added to his discomfort, though it helped to clear his mind a little.

It took Severus much longer than he preferred to stumble the rest of the way over the freezing grounds and out of the anti-apparition wards. Maybe for the last time ever, he thought with the last bit of his mind that still worked soberly.

***

“Severus!” Bellatrix grinned and opened her arms in way of greeting, then narrowed her eyes. “What is the matter with you?”

Severus swayed on the spot and grabbed the nearest Death Eater for support, but of course out of all people it was a Carrow.

Amycus cackled and pushed him away. Severus´ reflexes denied their services. His arms twitched only briefly as he fell face first right in front of Bellatrix' feet. He didn´t care to even try to stand up again and just complied and rolled onto his back as Bellatrix nudged him with the tip of her toe. Considering the circumstances, this gesture was almost tender, though her grin was predatory as she peered down at him.

She stepped over him and lowered herself onto his lap. Severus gazed impassive back as she grasped his face by his jaw and tilted his head back.

“Why Severus, something wrong with your little sweetheart?” she mocked him with high, thrilled voice. “Trouble in paradise or why are you pissed like a rat?”

“No, I merely hoped you'd be more attractive,” Severus grunted and hoped it sounded only in his ears that slurred.

Bellatrix huffed indignantly but knew it was her chance. Snape was so drunk it stunned her that he had been able to apparate in one piece without splintering himself, even with the help of the connection one had to have the intent of apparating.

Her calculating gaze gave way to a seductive smile. Slowly she bent forward and licked teasingly over his lips. Severus sputtered in disgust and turned his head away. Bellatrix chuckled and while forcing him into a kiss and grinding her hips into his crotch, she reached out for his mind. 

Severus fought, he fought hard and with all he had to keep Bellatrix out, but he was too foggy from alcohol, his focus slipped again and again away. And after only a few moments of fight he heard Bellatrix´ cheering cry of success that morphed seconds later into seething ire.

“I knew it! You betrayed us! All the time!” She slapped him hard enough that his lip burst open. “Is it cosy with the Potter slut? Yes? Nice snogging?” The second strike hit Severus while Bellatrix shrieked on. “Have you fucked her already?” The third time she used her fist to make contact with his face. He heard a crack before pain shot through his head and blood streamed from his nose into his throat and made him choke.

“Oh,” Bellatrix halted and grinned, her fist hovered mid-strike over Severus´ abused face. “You love her.” The raised fist descended with a thud to his cheekbone. And then her hands pressed against his larynx, stopping the bit of air that had made it past the blood, filling his throat, and rummaged further through his brain. “Uuuh…” Bellatrix yipped in joy. “She loves you too, isn´t it nice?”

Bellatrix´ wand appeared in his vision and Severus´ survival instinct kicked in. With a sudden burst of energy he rolled around and pinned Bellatrix to the floor but the abrupt change of position made his head swim and the wold turned and twisted sickeningly. Before he could fumble his own wand out of the hindering folds of his robes, Bellatrix had regained her composure.

“Sectumsempra!” she shouted. The curse hit Severus squarely in the chest and threw him backwards. Bellatrix sneered and clicked her tongue, pointing her wand at him. With a lazy flick of her wrist Severus´ clothes were gone, leaving him exposed and shivering on the frozen ground.

“Tut-tut.” Bellatrix shook her head as Severus tried to roll into a defensive position. Her eyes raked up and down the whole length of his body. Her expression was soft, too soft for what she was about to do and the spell fell in a tender whisper from her lips. But the pain, the pain that set Severus´ body on fire, was not soft or tender, it was excruciatingly and literally breath-robbing. Severus cried out in agony with each stroke of Bellatrix wand as she cut slowly and with utmost care an intricate pattern into his flesh.  

Severus felt his blood seep out of him from uncountable incisions and gashes. The world around him became dull and his vision faded slowly. Even the cold stopped biting his numbing muscles as new warmth spread through his body. Severus greeted and embraced the impending darkness that blanketed his mind and dulled his senses.

Bellatrix finally stopped her artwork and gazed at it from a distance. Seemingly satisfied, she sighed contently. Severus watched her through heavy-lidded eyes.

He had lost. He knew it.

Everything he had done was for nothing. All the pain he had gone through, all the lies and secrets.

And Rose hated him, thought of him as a coward. And wasn´t she right? Wasn´t he too afraid to act upon his feelings? And for what? To die in the knowledge that he had pushed away the only happiness in his life.

Bellatrix´ voice stirred Severus out of his internal musings, though he didn´t understand what she was saying, he understood rather well the pain that ripped through his body as the Cruciatus curse hit him. The flaring pain cleared his mind enough that he found back to the here and now. It left him, as it faded, though much too slowly, panting and again frozen to the core.

Oh god Rose. Wonderful, lovely Rose. If he´d have only more time.

Bellatrix´ finger tips grazed his cheek, but Severus had no energy left to open his eyes. He felt the tip of a wand prodding his left arm. Exuberant pain in never before experienced intensity rushed through his veins like acid. Every cell in his body screamed while Severus himself screamed as well. He writhed and twisted, clawed on his torn skin, opened cuts further and renewed the stream of his blood out of his body and onto the ground where it froze into a puddle around him.

In a last clear moment before darkness lured Severus away, his mind conjured the image of sparkling, green eyes and perfect, soft, pink lips.

Rose.

His Rose…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know...Please don´t hate me. The reward for all the dark and angsty mood IS coming.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this and thanks to everyone who leaves comments. I love all the feedback :)  
> You are great!!!!


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